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Finding the Positive in our Afflictions

After years of battling anxiety and ADHD, I am finally at the point where I accept them as part of who I am. This is not to say that I don’t have times of struggle or frustrations, because I do, but I am learning to love and accept everything about myself. So I am making a list of the positives:

Anxiety Positives

1. I am able to help others going through the same thing

2. It brings me closer to God

3. Pushes me out of my comfort zone and open up to others for support

4. It makes me appreciate times of utter happiness

5. Helps me stay in tuned to my emotions and find strategies to stay positive

6. Allows me to understand my students who suffer from anxiety and ADHD

Positives of ADHD

1. Allows me to be creative

2. Makes me a very open to talk to anyone I meet

3. Helps me to be quick and witty

4. Gives me lots of energy to teach and have fun

I am going to continue to find positive.

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ADHD: My frustration

Normally I adore having ADHD, but I have to admit that I have been struggling over the few weeks with my self esteem in regards to its effects on my life. I am not sure what brought about these negative feelings towards, but I know that right now I am having a very difficult time managing. I am very aware that my ADHD causes me to be overly loud and appear to be childish. I know that I lose things, get off track, become impulsive and slightly out of control. These qualities are often in the forefront of my mind, and I truly work hard to keep them under control.

For whatever reason, these past couple weeks have really worn me down. I have been in several trainings where I have to sit and be quiet for 8 hours at a time, and I think I have noticed how difficult that is for me, and I have been paying more attention to how others around me react to my behavior. It truly sucks to be able to know my problem, yet be almost unable to change it.

I have been struggling with realizing how I may frustrate those around me, my husband included, and how people may not take me as seriously as a professional. This has been a serious blow to my self-esteem. I always thought I was just lovable, forgetful young woman who always had a quirky story to tell, but I’m not sure that is how it is perceived anymore. I feel as if my ADHD is prohibiting me from being the best I can be professionally. I also feel that it is effecting my marriage, because I can tell my husband gets frustrated with me when I don’t pick up the clothes, do the dishes, take out trash, forget my phone or any of the other many things I misplace. He is so great about supporting me, but I know it gets to him, and I don’t ever want my ADHD to cause a rift.

Right now is very difficult, but I know that I am going to get through this and be an even stronger person. Eventually, I will learn how to manage my symptoms more effectively. I will not give into frustration. I am bigger than my problems. I am strong, and I can fight back!

Thank you everyone for listening to my venting.

Queues of vehicles jam Athens' ring road

Growing Healither Everyday!

Everyday I find myself experiencing more and more personal victories that I never thought I would be able to reach. One of my most difficult anxiety triggers is traffic jams, and today I was stuck in a HUGE one. It took us 2 hours to go 14 miles! We had just driven onto the highway when we realized that traffic was stopped. Literally, we had to put our work van (since we were heading out on a business trip) in park for 10 or minutes at a time! People around us were going crazy, jumping out of their cars, driving on the median, cutting people off and driving across to the other side of the highway to get out of the traffic. Being a mature and law abiding citizen, I did none of these things, well I should say my husband did none of these things. He was lucky enough to be chosen to go on this training with me. I feel very blessed that he was able to go on this trip with me this time because being around him helps me feel calm and peaceful.

When I first saw the endless line of shining vehicals, as far as my eyes could see, anxiety immediatly clawed at my chest. I felt the rising panic threatened to send me into hysterics, but I was on a work outing and I couldn’t let anyone see the terror in my eyes. I keep practicing my self talk and told myself over and over that I would be ok and that I would not be stuck in the traffic forever. It will pass. Slowly the itching panic began to subside and was replaced with calm. Even though we were stuck in the car for two hours, only going 10 miles on hour, I never complained. I whinned a little, but only about how frustrating it was. I remember times in the past where I had full on fits or panic attacks when I was stuck in traffic. BUT! God has brought me so far along in my healing and I am so thankful! It was a huge test to be able to pass and I am exstatic!

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