Normally I adore having ADHD, but I have to admit that I have been struggling over the few weeks with my self esteem in regards to its effects on my life. I am not sure what brought about these negative feelings towards, but I know that right now I am having a very difficult time managing. I am very aware that my ADHD causes me to be overly loud and appear to be childish. I know that I lose things, get off track, become impulsive and slightly out of control. These qualities are often in the forefront of my mind, and I truly work hard to keep them under control.
For whatever reason, these past couple weeks have really worn me down. I have been in several trainings where I have to sit and be quiet for 8 hours at a time, and I think I have noticed how difficult that is for me, and I have been paying more attention to how others around me react to my behavior. It truly sucks to be able to know my problem, yet be almost unable to change it.
I have been struggling with realizing how I may frustrate those around me, my husband included, and how people may not take me as seriously as a professional. This has been a serious blow to my self-esteem. I always thought I was just lovable, forgetful young woman who always had a quirky story to tell, but I’m not sure that is how it is perceived anymore. I feel as if my ADHD is prohibiting me from being the best I can be professionally. I also feel that it is effecting my marriage, because I can tell my husband gets frustrated with me when I don’t pick up the clothes, do the dishes, take out trash, forget my phone or any of the other many things I misplace. He is so great about supporting me, but I know it gets to him, and I don’t ever want my ADHD to cause a rift.
Right now is very difficult, but I know that I am going to get through this and be an even stronger person. Eventually, I will learn how to manage my symptoms more effectively. I will not give into frustration. I am bigger than my problems. I am strong, and I can fight back!
Thank you everyone for listening to my venting.