Love in the dark places

I truly believe that those who are difficult to love, are the ones who need it the most. I have been trying to keep my eyes open to those who seem to be difficult. I mostly focus on my students and remember when they give me attitude and are undeniably difficult, I remember that there must be something more going on in their life. I remember when someone saw through my tough exterior and knew I needed love. large

A new week begins

We are on the edge of a new week. A clean slate to start again. Perhaps your week was filled with anxious and worried thoughts or taken over by negativity. However, it all starts fresh. 

The anxiety that I felt last week will not over shadow this week because I choose peace. I choose to see the silver lining. I have been struggling with self doubt in my new teaching position, but I am going to speak positively to myself and build my confidence instead of destroying it. God has given me the ability to do what I do and the freedom to choose either happiness or sadness. I choose happiness. I choose peace. I choose life. 

Exhausted yet Refreshed 

After these last two days with my students, I am feeling incredibly exhausted! However, in spite of my exhaustion, I am feeling completed fulfilled and refreshed. I feel accomplished and completely satisfied after being able to spend time with my students. I realize that I have a deep passion for teaching and building positive relationships with my kids. So many of my students come from a home that doesn’t provide them with love and respect, so I try to demonstrate those qualities while they are in my classroom. I feel so blessed to be able to be in a profession that aligns with my passion! 

While my students were incredible over the last few day, my anxiety was a little off kilter. Since this is my first year in several years being back in a classroom of my own (since I was previously a special Ed co-teacher) I felt anxious about my ability to be successful on my own. It was very intense, since I am not use to teaching without a co-teacher, but I made it through. My anxiety was very high this morning because of a mix up in scheduling, however, I was able to come back down. It is wonderful to be able to control my anxiety instead of being control by it! 

I am looking forward to next week and getting to know my students even more! I hope that my anxiety will be eased as I get further into the year and get use to being on my own. 

First Day

Today was my first day with the students in my classes. I have two groups of kids: a 7th grade class and an 8th grade one. Both classes have wonderful students in them, and they were very positive today. Every student I talked with was excited to be there and looking forward to a new year that was full of learning. I love that they were so into the whole experience!

I had been experiencing some anxiety leading up to the day, just because I am never good with the unknown, and I feel nervous about starting fresh. However, in hindsight, I feel like I didn’t need to worry. I had everything planned and set up for when the students came in. Even during times when we finished assignments early, I was able to quickly move into another activity and the students went well with the changes. Once the day kicked off I didn’t have any anxiety. However, if you would have looked at my anxiety yesterday, it would have been off the charts! I am so glad that it is all gone now and things are looking positive! :)

I hope all of you had a good day, and if you didn’t I hope you remember never to give up and to keep pushing onward.

Victory!

I made it through my meeting without panic or incident! It ended up being very laid back and comfortable! I talked a lot and was very involved. I am getting more and more excited about this coming year! 

It was such a wonderful victory to be able to see how far I have come with coping with my anxiety over the last four years. It was wonderful that I made it through without a single flicker of anxiety! 

Confession

While, overall, I have been having a mostly anxiety free week, I have been experiencing low levels of anxious undercurrent about starting up this new school year. 

The first three days of school are for us teachers to be trained on various changes and procedures and then the kids come Thursday. 

My anxiety has been circling around the trainings. I couldn’t figure out why until tonight. My first year teaching I ended up having a slight panic attack during the staff meeting. I clearly remember having all 30 some staff members sitting in a circle with our principal talking about procedures. I vividly remember getting very hot and then my stomach feeling like it was going to dispel my breakfast. I spent nearly 20 minutes in the bathroom trying to calm down.

This experience was 4 years ago, and nothing like that has happened again, but obviously the feeling of apprehension still lingers. However, this time around I will have my husband on the administration staff so I will be able to have his presence as a comfort in case I were to experience an attack. 

I am going to stay positive and remember the great things that are going on this year! Anxiety is not invited! 

I know what it is like

i know what it is like to feel utterly helpless. Lost. Out of control. Panicked. As if the world is passing by in a blur, and no matter how loud you cry out, no one hears you. You just want the pain to stop. To leave so you can feel normal again. Like the person you know you really are. In those darkest moments you wish you weren’t around. You would trade anything just to be someone else so you won’t feel the pain anymore. I know. I have been there.

Let me tell you: it gets better. Don’t be ashamed of what is going on, because you are not alone. Reach out and tell someone. I did, and now I can go an entire day, or even week, anxiety free! You can do it too. Just don’t give up.