First Day!!

Tomorrow is the first day of my new job! I am pretty nervous, to be honest. However, it is just a work day for us teachers. Planning lessons and decorating our rooms. That really eases my anxiety so I know that I can just relax and get myself together tomorrow instead of being in meetings for endless hours at a time!

I am trying to calm my mind, and relax so I can actually sleep tonight. The last few nights I have just been over thinking / been excited and haven’t been able to sleep. So! I am heading off to read my book, and head off to sleep!

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Starting a new Job

After 8 school years at the same school, I have finally moved on. Previously, I was at a middle school, and I am now transitioning into high school. This year, I will be teaching our advanced program for freshmen and sophomores in the area of English.

Thursday is my first day (teacher meetings) at the new building and I am honestly starting to get nervous. I feel confident I will be able to handle the content, but everything is new – except the students. I am moving up with my 8th graders. But The principal. The staff. The expectations. All new! It’s like starting from starch. I’m even going to have to make new friends. 😳😳

I am thankful that my anxiety is not acting up. This transition has been anxiety free, for the most part. I always have a small bit pestering me at all times lol! This move has felt right. God really aligned things to put me in this position. Even though I’m starting to feel the nerves of a new job, I am excited for the chance to grow and discover what I can do ❤️

Feeling Anxiety on the Rise

I am beginning to feel my anxiety start to rise. Over the last few months, I have been sick on and off. A previous post detailed it all, but I am still left with a horrible cough that just racks my entire body. It’s exhausting. It’s been months. It hurts everything.

What is making me anxious, is that I have an out of town work training for two days, and it is quickly approaching, and I am not feeling better. So I am finding myself ruminating on it, and it makes it so much worse. I know I will be alright, but when I feel sick, I just want to be home.

UGH! I am going to work hard to try to combat the anxiety and stay positive. I just wish I felt like myself 😦

Stranger Things Three!!!

Finally it’s here!!!! As a mom, it’s difficult to binge too many episodes at one time, but as soon as my daughter went to bed, Stranger Things was on!!

We made it 3 episodes in, and it’s hard to stop!! Ahhhhhh! it may be the weekend, but our daughter still gets up early. Ugh!

I can’t wait for nap time Tomorrow!

Hard Time Adulting

Today just felt like it was an endless struggle against my emotions. It wasn’t a bad day, exactly, it was just difficult emotionally. I didn’t feel my anxiety as I normally do (a tightness that radiates from my chest) but I felt myself ruminating and becoming overwhelmed.

Let me explain. Since March, I have been fighting an endless rounds of  ear infections, clogged ears, fevers, coughs, body aches and shittiness (the best word I could come up with). Alone, these symptoms spaced out from each other, wouldn’t be horrible. I’m a teacher. I get a cold of the flu at least once a year. BUT the worst part about all of this is that as soon as one symptom goes away, another one pops up!! It’s awful!

I have just felt terrible for the last three months, and today I just felt like I had enough. I called the doctor and I can’t get an appointment with him until the end of the month. There were other doctors but they were first year residents, which I don’t normally mind, but I had been in three times since March, and I am still not much better… So I wanted to hold out for him. This of course made me anxious because I began to ruminate about how sick I felt. A constant loop in my head. Over and over about how my summer is being wasted because I’m sick. Endlessly sick…

I finally broke down and cried. I don’t cry often, and it did feel good to let out some of the tension. I also felt drained… and still do. I desperately wished I could just crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep for hours. But I couldn’t. Being a mom doesn’t stop, and today she was very amped up!

So, I tried to focus my attention onto her, and made the most of the day. We had swim lessons, and when I say we I mean I actually take the class with her.  Just hearing her laugh as we learned how to blow bubbles, made me start to feel better. After lessons we went to the store, and then came home and played outside.

There were times I felt myself drifting back to my anxious thoughts, but my daughter would pull me back out of them each time. I am so glad that instead of disappearing today, I stayed present with her. She helped me so much today.

OH! ANNNND my husband, knowing I was having a rough day, took my daughter out with him for about an hour right before dinner so I could have some time to myself! IT was amazing!

I thank God for my beautiful family who knows how to help me when I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I am also thankful that I have learned how to refocus and be able to push forward. I have not always been able to do that. It feels good to know that I have come so far! Yay for small victories!

 

Contradicting Passions For One Love ❤️

The flow of feelings

Takes over my thoughts.

Sometimes it feels too much

With emotions so strong.

Love.

Fear.

Protectiveness.

Joy.

These all eb and flow

Through my mind

As I think of You.

My beautiful child.

Only you can ignite

Such strong emotions.

To fiercely love you

Every moment of the day.

And to destroy anything

That comes against you.

How crazy it is to be a mom.

But call me crazy!

I don’t want

Anything

Else.

My July Challenge

Ok, I realize July started yesterday, BUT I have decided to challenge myself to post every day this month! I haven’t been great about blogging since my daughter was born, but she is more independent now, and I have a little more freedom! Yay!

So here’s to a month of posts!! 🥂 I’m glad to be back!

Difficult Day

Today ended up being a difficult one for me. I didn’t sleep well last night, as my previous post suggests, and as a result, my emotions were all over the place. Particularly my anxiety.

So, I recently got a new job, which I am incredibly excited for. I will be moving a to a new school. A High school. I will be teaching freshmen and sophomores in the advanced program. Actually, it is at the high school my 8th graders feed into, so I am going to have them again next year, as well as have my students from the year before last. It is such an incredible opportunity.

However, I am leaving the middle school that I have been at for 8 years. It is the school where I began my teaching career. It’s where I met my husband. We still work together there to this day. It is my home. But I felt the pull to move on. To try something new. God opened the door at the school I wanted, and the administration wanted me to come. How could I say no?

Today, i started packing up my classroom. Really cleaning things out, and putting it all into boxes. Suddenly, I felt an ache as I placed each item into a box. These are the things I have collected over the years. The memories from nearly a decade in a place I love. A place that has given me so much.

I know I made the right decision, and God has a plan for my future at the high school. I trust Him completely. I am also looking forward to this new chapter in my life. I just wasn’t prepared for all the emotions that were going to come with it. It just hit so hard today.

I am going to go forward and allow myself to go through the process of change and trust that all will work out. I will cling to God in the moments of sadness, and look forward to the rewards of that growth.