Positivity Challenge!

I frequent remind myself to find something positive in each day. When I am stuck in my own anxious thoughts, feeling that nothing is going right and everything is spiraling out of control, I remind myself to find something good. Just 1 thing. And after I do that, I can find another. Then another. I am going to have my mind find that 1 good thing today, and from there, see how many I can find.

I challenge you to do the same! How many can you find! Write them down if you need to. I bet you will find more than you expect.

Lower Anxiety makes for a better week

This week my anxiety has been so much lower than the past few weeks! And it is such a relief. I am finally beginning to feel better, after fighting the worst cold I have ever had for the last two weeks, and it feels good to be halfway human again! Yay! It is much easier to control my anxiety when I at full capacity!

Yay to low anxiety!!

If you are struggling with your anxiety, don’t give up! Yes it sucks, but you can get through it! I always remind myself that it will pass. Even when it feels like it won’t. It will.

You are strong. You will beat it!

Anxiety makes a comeback

Over the past two weeks, things have been pretty difficult emotionally – anxiety in particular. It’s been all over the map. Things all feel calm and zen, when suddenly, it spikes sky high.

Having dealt with anxiety for so many years, I understand its cycle, and that i have gotten to a place where it will eventually pass. However… I just wish it would never come back. Can’t we cure it? Balance the hormones and serotonin in my brain so I can be a zero out of ten for the rest of my life?

Work seems to be a huge place of anxiety for me right now. Many of my close friends work with me, and there is turmoil within the various relationships – ladies not getting along and boundaries being crossed – and it is making it really difficult. I love my job so much, but tension is so high that I don’t even want to go to work. It sucks! Since I have friendships with the women outside of work , it gets carried into my personal life. It’s a mess! And my anxiety hasn’t been this high in a while. It’s awful.

Luckily, my husband is our assistant principal, so he is a huge anchor for me. He knows about all the drama, and he has been so encouraging to me. Reminds me to focus on the kids, and do my best. God will take care of the rest. I feel so lucky to have him.

I know all of this will eventually work out. Tension will lessen and it will resolve itself somehow. My anxiety will weaken again, and let me rest. I have been working hard to focus on God and turn my thoughts to the positive.

Best Holiday In a Long Time!

This Christmas and New Year’s has been the best we have had in the past two years. Two years ago, on Dec 19, I was flown into the hospital to have my daughter, at only 30 weeks. She was born on December 23rd and we stayed in the NICU until February 11th. I have a few previous posts about it all. It was a really turbulent time in our lives, but we made it through. Our daughter, just turned 2 and she is perfect, intelligent and incredible! But for the last few years, Christmas time has filled me with anxiety about the memories of what we went through.

Then, on top of all the anxiety I had last year, my entire family came down with the stomach flu on Christmas day! We spent the day, and several sub-sequential days, taking turns puking! It was awful! UGH!

So this year, we tried not to plan much, and play it by ear. Not jinx anything. But it turns out we had nothing to worry about! This year, the worst thing that happened was that my husband got a head cold! We had such a wonderful time being healthy together! We were able to go on some adventures like the Zoo and a few ghost towns.

It was wonderful!

Writing is Harder than I Thought

I am still chugging away at my novel! I am just over 24,500 words now and it has felt like a lifetime of effort! I flew through the first 20,000 and the last two weeks all I have been able to do is 4,000 words.

Being a mom, teacher and wife takes up all of my time. Add on housework, Christmas shopping, working out, grading essays, and countless other responsibilities that are required for caring for a two year old: there just is no time left to write. And when I do find the time, I feel exhausted and don’t want to write. Then I feel guilty. It has been a cycle! Ugh!

It has been a huge undertaking to commit to writing every single day. I have only missed three days since Nov 1. I am really proud to say that. Some days all I can get out are like 30 words, but it counts. It all adds up.

I have been learning that I don’t have be ashamed of small progress. I have to stop putting myself down when I don’t live up to the incredibly high standards I set for myself. Slow and steady. One step at a time. One word at a time.

I will write my novel. It will happen. It is happening. It’s growing everyday. And for that, I am proud!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I know it’s a day late, but HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! I hope you all had a great day, full of eating too much, and binging on Netflix. And if your Thanksgiving sucked, then you deserve to take time for yourself to overeat and binge watch! Treat yourself during this time of Thanks. Look for the small things that you are grateful for. I’m thankful for you!

 

19 Straight Days of Writing!

I have been writing for 19 straight days now! I have committed to working on my novel (FINALLY) since it is National Novel Writing Month. If you aren’t familiar with the NaNoWriMo challenge, it is to write a novel (50,000 words) in a month. I’m not sure if I will make it to 50,000, but I am at just under 15,000 already!

It has been an incredible experience so far. I have stretched my imagination, and pushed myself more than I thought I could. I feel like I am building confidence in my writing abilities everyday that I write. I have a general idea of where my story is going, but for the most part, I just let my creativity flow! It’s amazing! I love it.

Anyone else writing something?

Nothing Better

There is nothing better, in this world, than being a mother. I love tending to the needs of a tiny human, and exposing her to the joy and magic of the world around her. Creating castles out of blankets, Seeing animals in the clouds, and dancing without music!

There is beauty in the world that can only be seen through the eyes of a child, and she has reopened my eyes. She has given me a fresh energy and curiosity to see everything there is to see! I love my daughter. I love being her mom.

Since she has come into my life, she has helped me fight my anxiety. Whenever I feel my anxiety creeping up on me, she is right there (as if she knows) with a hug and kiss. When I am able to focus on her, I am able to pull myself out. It’s a beautiful thing.

here we made a reading nook out of the shower since my husband took off the door to replace it. Obviously, it was time to play while Daddy worked!