It has been 3 months since my darling daughter entered this world 2 and a half months early; weighing only 2 lbs 14 oz. These last three months have been a wild roller-coaster of constantly shifting emotions, but i know God has been in control the entire time. Eisley is healthy, and beautiful! She weighs 6 lbs 5 oz now and is feisty as ever! I love this girl so much!
Snuggles all day long!
My sweet baby takes away
I no longer crave fancy things, or desperately want to take off on a thrilling adventure. What I want most of all now, is time with my family. Playing in the backyard with my husband and my two month old daughter has brought me more joy than anything I could ever purchase in a store or find in a beautiful country. I still would like to have nice things and go on adventures, but I find myself realizing that all I have ever wanted is right here. My heart is full. God has given me more than I ever imagined He would, and I am beyond grateful for my blessings. I love being a wife and a mother.
Since my baby, Eisley, has been home for about a month now, I feel like I have gotten into a pretty good groove. I may not have a “to the minute” routine, but I do have a loose one. Since she is so small developmentally still, she eats about every two hours, so there isn’t much to do that doesn’t involve feeding.
The first two weeks that we were home, after being in the NICU for so long, were really difficult emotionally. My husband and I had a lot of support from the doctors and nurses and now we only have each other. Then, a few days after we brought her home, my husband went back to work, so I was all alone! I know this is something most of us moms go through, but I wasn’t prepared for that! I actually couldn’t think much beyond delivery! Birth was the scariest part for me, and gave me the most anxiety. I didn’t give much thought to what came after that. And I certainly didn’t think a 50 day stay in the NICU would be apart of the process.
However, now that a few more weeks have passed, I am feeling more at ease with Eisley (my baby) and have adjusted my mindset in a more positive direction. I have been making sure to read scripture everyday so that I can make sure I can have strength and wisdom to make it through each day. An infant is A LOT of work! Goodness! ❤
Many of my past posts have been about the journey my husband and I had on our way to parenthood. were we going to foster to adopt (it is still on the table for down the road) or have our own first? Did I want to be pregnant? Because if I did, it could mean my anxiety could be intensified. But inspire of all the questions and uncertainty, we decided to move forward and try to get pregnant.
We ended up getting pregnant in February of last year, but we had a miscarriage six weeks in. It was painful. More than I ever would have thought it would be. We put babies on hold for a little while, and then on our first try after the miscarriage, we got pregnant! Then, as previous posts outline, I developed severe preeclampsia and she had to be delivered at 30 weeks 1 day. At 2 pounds 14 oz, she was perfect! No sickness, or abnormalities. Just tiny. She is now over 5 pounds and amazing.
All of the hardship and struggle has worked out in such a beautiful way.
God has blessed me with more than I could have ever hoped for. I never knew my heart could be so full. Even though so much of our pregnancy journey was stressful, my anxiety never took over. I was able to stay in control and it never reared its ugly head. I know god helped keep me balanced. I couldn’t have made it through without Him. I am so thankful.
Today was a good day! I was able to fit some yoga in between Eisley’s naps so my body, that was once tight and cramped, is feeling pretty good. I was also able to get in about 7 hours of sleep, in 2 hour increments due to her frequent feedings.
HUGE NEWS! She has outgrown her preemie clothes! Tonight I when went to snuggle her into her jammies, they didn’t fit! It was an incredibly exciting moment! A huge anxiety for me concerning Eisley, is her weight. She gains very slowly and is pretty slow with her feedings. She has been like that since her NICU days. So I was relieved to see that she is outgrowing her tiny clothes! YAY!
I thank God for continuing to be with Eisley as she grows and helps her develop. Her first two months have not been easy, by any means, and I know he has been there every step of the way.
After 50 long and tedious days in the NICU, we were finally released on February 11! It was an incredible day. Simply walking her through the doors of the hospital and brining her out into the sunshine filled our hearts with bliss. We have been home just over two weeks now and we are getting into the parenting routine. My husband has gone back to work and I am officially a stay at home Mom for the next few months. It has been a hard adjustment in terms of my expectations. Being a mom in the NICU requires a different set of emotional coping skills than being a mom with a baby at home. In the NICU we had A nurse help us if we don’t know what to do, or need help with feedings. Obviously, here at home we don’t have that help. I never knew it would be so exhuasting. I mean, people tell you how exhausting it but you never know until you actually are there in the moment. However, I wouldn’t trade it ❤ we are so happy to have her home!
My baby girl is doing an incredible job in the NICU! The only hurdle she has to conquer before we go home is eating on her own. Slowly but surly she is getting there. I am so proud of her.
However, I have to admit that I have some anxiety about this process. We have been in the NICU, 3 hours away from home, for 34 days and I desperately want to go home. Inside I feel so much anxiety and pressure for her to be able to eat. This makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know she is still learning and it’s hard for her, but a part of me just wants her to hurry up and do it so I can take her home.
Right now we are using a bottle to feed her since she is so small. It’s easier to tell how much she drank compared to breast feeding. However I feel anxious that I am not breastfeeding too. It is something I want to do but she found it more difficult that using the bottle. There are just so many emotions with this part of our NICU journey! I am feeling a little overwhelmed and anxious.