Encouragement Goes A Long Way

Thank you for all your encouragement and words of wisdom about how I can overcome my writer’s block! It truly helps me refocus and stop being so hard on myself.

Tonight I had an incredible experience. I was fortunate enough to go out to dinner with an accomplished author, and she was able to share her story and provide me with valuable insight. She encouraged me to trust myself and my creative thought. Not to listen to the voice inside my head that says I’m not good enough, or my ideas are stupid. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone in my writing journey. She had been in my place, and so many others have been there before me. It’s not just me. She even said she would help me along the way. ❤️ My heart could have burst!

It felt as if God aligned this moment for me. Just as I was struggling with confidence in my writing ability, this incredible woman came to switch my mindset. As if God himself was encouraging me to go forward in good faith that he gave me a voice, and I can do it!

I just feel so invigorated! Like a burden was lifted and I can be free to express my creativity without judgment! It’s ok to let loose and trust in my own voice!

Writing is a Journey- How do you travel it?

How many of you are writers? Me too! I love stringing words together to make beautiful phrases and mental images. It’s my passion.

In earlier blog posts, I have written about my fear of beginning a novel. Or should I say, completing one. I have started so many stories, but they always seem to fade off when I hit writers block, or I can’t see past the event I am stuck on.

For whatever reason, once I hit this spot in my writing, I get in my own way. My doubts and insecurities as a writer surface and I just leave the project. I know it is unhealthy, and it’s my goal to move beyond it and finally finish.

How do you move past your fears and writers block? Does writing expose any of your insecurities?

Dealing with the Everyday

My first week of back to work (aka school!) is under my belt, and I already feel like I have been teaching these kids all year. They are just great! I have a fantastic group of 8th graders this year, and they seem to really click with my style. It is the honeymoon stage, but I’m really looking forward to seeing where this year takes us.

This week, I have struggled with my anxiety again. I am not sure what triggered it, but it was high for a majority of the week. I knew I couldn’t let it take over because I wanted to be present for my students, as well as my daughter. I have limited time with her now that I am back in school, and I want to use every moment to the fullest.

To combat my anxiety, I just pushed through. I tried my best to keep a positive attitude, and when I felt like I was falling apart, I opened up and shared with a friend. I think if is important to have someone you can talk to when you have high anxiety.

I just feel it is imperative that when we feel our anxiety at its worst, we don’t give up. Living with this disease for so long has shown me that the dark days pass. They really do. As long as you fight back. Don’t give up. Don’t let it win. You can experience peace, even if you think you can’t. I never thought I would EVER feel anxiety-free, but I do! Sure I still struggle, but I know it will pass.

It will for you too.

Doing It, Even If I Don’t Feel Like It.

Today, my anxiety was through the roof, I was exhausted, and my body ached all over. I didn’t want to doing anything, and least of all, spend the day running around the house after my daughter.

I woke up thinking I would put on the tv and lay on the couch binging on Netflix and Hulu, while she played around the living room with her toys. I could recuperate, and she could learn to entertain herself. Everybody wins.

However, that is not how the day turned out! Luckily for me, my daughter is an angel, and the mere sight of her fills me with such joy that I can hardly contain it! So, of course I couldn’t resist her when she wanted to play!

We ended up spending nearly two hours in our little pool, reading books, eating yummy snacks, and lots and lots of cuddling! It was such an amazing day! I feel like we took our relationship to a new level, and it felt wonderful.

Since becoming a parent, I have been learning that when I push myself beyond my comfort zone, I experiencing incredible rewards. Had I decided to stay on the couch and watch tv instead, my daughter would have been fine, however, we would have missed out on our one on one time.

I am going to put this principal into action in my everyday life and look for opportunities this week to go beyond my comfort zone! I challenge you to do the same!

OH MY GOSH! I DID IT!

OH.MY.GOSH! I did it, guys! I FINALLY wrote a story! I wrote it from start to finish! I didn’t over think it, I didn’t over plan. I just wrote. I can’t believe it. I have been dreaming about writing a story for more than 25 years, and I FINALLY did it!

All of these years I have been thinking that I wanted to write YA stories, which I still do. However, since having a child, my eyes have been open to the world of children’s books. I had always had the idea in the back of my head, but never pursued it. My father ALWAYS told me I should, and I never thought much about it. Until now!

Since my daughter has taken such an interested in books, I wanted to use my talent for writing to bond together. I wanted to write something parents could enjoy while reading to their children. I wanted to share the joy of words with parents and children everywhere! There is no better feeling than having your child snuggle up against you and ask for you to read a book! And what better book to read than one I wrote! HA!

I am so proud of myself, and over the moon with excitement! I am not sure where this journey will lead, but I’m excited to see where God takes this!

Thank you everyone for your support as I have vented in the past! I came close to giving up my dream of being a writer, but you all encouraged me to keep going. And for that I am eternally grateful!

 

Back to the Grind!

Summer break is nearly over, and in preparation for the new school year I have been working in my classroom. I had some trainings for the classes I teach, which is through Cambridge University, and in between trainings, I was able to squeeze in some time to work on decorating my room! I will admit, that decorating for the beginning of the year is one of my FAVORITE parts of the entire year! I love doing it! I am very happy with how it turned out! Check it out!

Nap time!

It’s the special time of day

That makes you feel tingly in a way.

It’s the time when everything is still

And there is a break from screams that are so shrill!

It’s the long awaited nap time

Where I can relax and feel sublime!

I love my daughter, so don’t you worry

But she is asleep now, so I better scurry!

Finding Myself Today!

Yesterday I was really struggling with the idea that I can no longer experience carefree moments or spontaneous adventures. Well, today instead of wallowing in”poor me”, I decided to be proactive! I took my daughter and husband outside and we all played in the sprinklers! It felt so great to run around in the water and laugh hysterically!

Sometimes in the rush of responsibility and parenthood I forget to find the joy in the everyday. My daughter’s laugh and her enormous smile when in tickle her! My husband’s lips on mine as he says good morning. These moments are perfect.

I need to make sure I don’t take them for granted.

Here is the smile that lights my heart on fire!

Loosing A Part of Myself?

Recently, I have been chasing away a feeling of dread that been creeping, like a shadow, in the back of my mind. My summer is rapidly coming to an end, and for me that means returning to work. Now, before you make any rash judgements about teachers and summer breaks, first understand that my reluctance to go back to work has never been this profound. I love my job, and I normally (deep down) look forward to going back. I love building relationships with my new students, creating new and engaging lessons, and setting up my room to be as inviting as possible. However, this year, I am not feeling the same level of excitement.

As I have been self reflecting, and working to find what has been causing the shift in attitude, I have discovered two things:

First, I have loved spending every waking moment with my beautiful 18 month old daughter. She is the most incredible human being I have ever known! She has become so animated and her personality has really developed over the past few months. Last summer she was still really tiny, and wasn’t as active. Now, we play and go on adventures, and laugh together all day, and it breaks my heart that I will have to leave her to go back to work. A part of me wishes I was a stay at home mom and I could continue our adventures together. That is not possible for our situation, but it is still something I wish I could do. At least until she goes to school.

The second reason seems to be a little more complex and subconscious. It has been floating around in my mind, but every time I think I have a grasp on it, it disappears. So, I have been struggling to identify it. However, tonight I was laying under the star-filled sky, listening to the sounds of the night, when I found myself relishing in nostalgia. Growing up, I spent so many nights outside. Those summer nights as a young woman allowed for endless opportunities of unexperienced adventure. Those times in my life were reckless and wild. The summer meant I could do anything or go anywhere. I felt free and audacious.

Now, this is going to sound awful, but it seems to be my subconscious truth. I feel that I am experiencing a sort of grieving for the way my summers use to be. Now that I am a mother, I cannot be reckless or wild. The whims that I use to follow before are now something I have to suppress, because my daughter is my number one priority. Obviously, I cannot take her skydiving, or anything else crazy. I’m not sure what to make of this feeling, but I feel like I want to be honest with myself and admit I have been feeling this way. I do miss being able to be spontaneous.

I also believe that I have been experiencing dread about going back to work because now that summer is almost over, the possibility (no matter how small) of being able to do something spontaneous, and a little reckless, is getting smaller. I know once I get back into the same old routine, there won’t be time, or energy, to have these possible adventures. The daily grind and immense stress of my job will slowly once again begin to crush me down. My wanderlust and appetite for spontaneity will be gone! That thought alone gives me so much anxiety. I love the way summer allows me to reconnect with family as well as myself. I feel like a human again.

I don’t know if any of this even makes any sense…

I feel like I am loosing that spur of the moment, leap before I think, part of my life. I know, and fully understand and accept, that it comes along with being a parent. I signed up for it. I wanted, and continue to want, to be a mother. I wouldn’t change anything. And I regret nothing. I just deeply miss being spontaneous. My heart just longs to feel, just for a moment, the thrill of the unexpected rush of passion! The excitement of letting go of responsibly and loosing myself in the moment. I want dance in the middle of the desert under the stars. skinny dip in the river. Cruise in the car, windows down with the radio blaring, and no place special to go. Just for a moment. Feel that inexplicable feeling of being completely and utterly uninhibited.

These feelings have been swelling up inside of my mind, and it feels good being able to get them out. I never knew that becoming a mom would come with so many different emotions, and force to me analyze my patterns of thought and grow into a better woman. I know these thoughts must be natural, but they have surprised me.

Thank you for letting me vent. I truly appreciate you guys for allowing to me to express myself so openly. It means a lot!