My tough day vs my positive mindset

I often write about the positive changes and healing that has taken place in my life over the past few months, but tonight I want to talk about a true struggle with my anxiety I experienced today. My anxiety medication prescription (I still have a difficult time admitting to taking these, but I thank you all for being so supportive about it) had run out and I had forgotten to pick it up last night. I figured I could pick it up before school started but when I got to the pharmacy their IT system was down and they were unable to fill prescriptions until it was fixed. With tears of frustration in my eyes, I drove to work and tried to keep positive mindset. What was interesting was that I did not have anxiety, yet I was anticipating that I would get it later in the day and be unable to function. Typical of someone with anxiety to be freaked out about being freaked out later!

I worked so hard to keep a positive mindset and tell myself it would be ok. I could function just fine without the medication. I have no doubt that I would have been alright if I did not take it today, however, I had a very stressful and tension-filled meeting after work and I was already worked up about that, so I was anticipating the effects of not taking the medication. A few hours into the day One of my fellow teachers knew what was going on and watched my class for me while I ran back to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. I was so thankful. I have such amazing co-workers! The day turned out fine, which I’m sure it would have regardless of the pill, and the meeting was actually very smooth (shocking!)

The hardest part of the day was my own anger towards myself about having anxiety. I cannot even express how much I loathe having this disorder. I hate that I have bad days where I’m nervous about everything. It’s awful to know how ridiculous it is to worry about something, yet be unable to not worry. Grudgingly, I am going to deal with it for the rest of my life.

Now after that ranting paragraph, I am working towards finding peace in the fact that I suffer from this. I need to actually change my verbs around. I am blessed to have this disorder. That may sound sound insane, but I truly believe I can use my anxiety to bless others. I may not how that is accomplished but somehow, somewhere, someone can be blessed through my suffering. That is the place I would like to find myself in When I have dark days. I hope that one day I want be defeated by anxiety. I hope to be strengthened.

21 thoughts on “My tough day vs my positive mindset

  1. As Stallone said to his son:

    Life isn’t about how hard you can hit.
    “It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.”

    I can tell (As with everyone else, I’m sure) that you’re a fighter with a good heart and I sincerely believe that you will see this through. Keep fighting on!

    Your Friend,
    David Long

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my blog. It’s possible to rewire your brain with your healthy thoughts plus supporting self-talk…. “Today, I have great peace no matter what I encounter.” Focus on the peace, not the fear. Best to you. #Counsel4living

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  3. I hear you! I have had to have my husband accompany me on the subway to work when the pharmacy couldn’t fill my prescription. It’s frustrating at the time but I hope that being able to connect with others who suffer we can strengthen each other. Thank you for your post.

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  4. ((Hugs)). It is not easy, that’s for sure! Folks who don’t suffer from a true anxiety disorder don’t typically understand just how much it affects even daily functioning and interactions. Kudos to you for being willing to open up and talk about it rather than being ashamed and hiding. It took me a long time before I could do that, mostly because I was so tired of hearing the whole “it could be worse” comments from well meaning but ignorant people.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for writing this, and your visit! I know exactly what you mean, its the worry about the worry which worries the worrier hahaha. It’s definitely about trying to break that cycle, and forgiving yourself for being wrapped up in it. I saw a hypnotherapist (she was a Buddhist lady, and felt like a grandmother that I had never known) and it was an incredibly helpful experience. I don’t like the dependency or numbness of drugs, so this was a great alternative. There’s a bunch of us out here that feel this way, so I’m right here with ya – thanks again for sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I also struggle with anxiety and take medication daily for it. No need to be ashamed of this! I can’t imagine what my life would be like now if I didn’t have medication. Oh yeah, actually I can imagine what it would be like, probably very similar to what it was like 3 years ago: hell. Embrace it! 🙂

    Take care,
    Carolyn

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  7. Reblogged this on Kelly Kole Kahian and commented:
    I suffer from extreme anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if I had it and didn’t know: If I had some event in the city I would go in make my appearance stay the proper amount of time and come home. But that was years ago for the last 6 years I go thru phases where I can’t even go outside bc of my anxiety. Most of my friends thought it was them took it personally. Thought j was lazy you name it they thought. Which didn’t help the anxiety It only made it worse. I went four months after the first xmas after my dad passed with hardly leaving my house and when I did I went did errands came home. People aren’t empathic and they don understand he horror or what we go they we know it’s wrong we know it’s silly we want o get over it but the more we are pushed we get worse. I have been on medication for three months it’s working well but I constantly get scared they will think I am better and back to hibernation. So I just have hope and faith I will slowly find me again I am trying everyday. So my heart and compassion are truly w you.

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