Currently, my husband is getting his masters degree in educational leadership, and I am so proud of all the hard work he has invested into the program. He goes to work all day, as the Dean of Students at our middle school, and then comes home and works on his homework until he goes to bed. This has been going on for a year and a half.
To add to his stress and success, This past Monday, he began working as the Vice Principal! He is now filling the role of Vice Principal and the Dean of Students, all while he is balancing the final 16 weeks of his Masters. Talk about a crazy schedule!
Obviously with a schedule this jam packed and overloaded, we do not get a lot of quality time. Of course it is incredibly difficult for me, but I have been working on understanding the stress and strain he has been under. I noticed I had been arguing a lot with him about how he doesn’t have time for me, but I need to remember that he is doing all of this work to provide for me and support the dreams and aspirations I have for my future.
My question is, have any of you ever been in this situation? I feel out of my element and I do not know how best to support him. What are your thoughts?
Thank you!
The Persistent Platypus 
In 16 weeks he finishes study, how will you celebrate? Plan a celebratory night away or evening with just the two of you. Outfits, special place, restaurant, walk, etc. Maybe a gift for him?
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Ooooo thats a great idea! I never thought of that!
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Ive been in his spot. Discuss together how it is hard for both of you…and laugh about it. Otherwise you both risk building up resentment and distance. Just my opinion.
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Thank you!
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I’m working in a new job with extra responsibilities (hectic) and have just started a Masters in Education, so we’re experiencing similar problems… It may sound strange, but last weekend my partner planned an activity (motorbike lessons!) that he enjoyed and that took him out of the house for the day. The peace and quiet to study was really helpful and I didn’t feel guilty because I knew he was doing something he enjoyed and that he wouldn’t have done with me.
I also find it really helpful when he is around, if when I take a 15 minute break from my work he’s happy to stop what he’s doing and just pay attention to me while we have a hot drink together. The quality time equivalent of cat napping! And definitely as Lisa said, having evenings/weekends away planned into our schedule, so we know we’ve got something we can look forward to together…
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I agree with Shawnworth. It is so important that he understands your feelings. He may well believe that this is all for your benefit however, once his immediate commitments are fullfilled, he may simply take on more believing that those too are for your benefit! Communication is everything. All the best.
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That is a great point
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Also, at the risk of noting perhaps the obvious, I hope he understands that you are making your relationship concerns public? He may not appreciated being told by a work colleague that you are inviting input regarding his work commitments.
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Thank you for bringing that up. No one at work knows about my blog or has found it. Also, he has been open with people when it comes to his masters and balancing the job with our marriage. There are several people at work in the same boat so they sort of have a little support group
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I’ve been on both sides of this equation, years ago as the working, parenting, multi-tasking student, and currently as the stay-at-home, supporting parent of a working mom and Ph.D. student. I try to do three things: 1. I remind myself that my wife is the same woman I fell in love with and married. I signed on for this because I admire and love her. Then I tell her too so that she gets more than added stress from our interactions. 2. I try to focus on improving myself and working toward my goals. Usually when I’m feeling neglected, it’s because I’m not taking care of my own business (emotional and otherwise), so I look at doing what I can to be more satisfied with my life. 3. I identified one important thing I need–not want–from her to help me stay sane. and I asked for it. In my case, we carved out regular writing time for me, several hours four days a week. It’s not a huge amount of time, but knowing I’m going to get it helps dissipate any resentment I might otherwise feel, and it reduces her guilt which is a major (and unwarranted) source of stress for her. In short I focus on the good I have, I look at what I can do for myself, and I ask for what I need from her.
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Those are amazing things to do! I think I need to focus on myself and take care of my business. I also need to remind myself that he is not doing his school work/job to avoid me. He doesn’t love me any less. He is doing this to achieve his goals and he always supports me with my goals. I need to be able to do the same. Thank you so much for your insight!
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You will both get through this just fine. These days are going to make great stories in the years to come.
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