This afternoon, my marvelous husband and I took a quad ride into the desert behind our house. Normally, we take our bigger utility quad and ride together, however, today we decided we would each ride our own. I don’t often drive mine because it has been low on gas, but we put some in today because I was itching to drive!
As we drove out into the vast openness of the valleys, I took in the grace and beauty of nature. There is just something about riding out into untamed country while on a quad that just opens my eyes to the beauty of it all. I felt like I was apart of nature. I was rolling and twisting with the dirt path. The wind tugged at my cheeks and my heart soared as I jumped over crevasses left behind from the rain.
I remember about a year ago I was riding out with my family and began to notice that I carried a lot of anxiety on my chest. I noticed that the world around me was so peaceful and beautiful, however, my chest was tight and I felt as if the true grace that surrounded me couldn’t penetrate my soul. It was the first time I started to realize that my anxiety was bigger than I thought. I was not only occasionally having anxiety, I was carrying it with me at all times. I was starting to accept that something was not normal. It was a huge step.
As I rode today, I reflected on that incident and felt so proud of how far I had come in the last several months. I can assure you that I never thought I would feel relaxed to the core. I always thought I would have weight pushing down on my chest. I always thought I would live on the edge of panic. I am here to tell you that you DO NOT have to live that way! There is hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Does this mean that I will never experience anxiety? No! I have episodes to this day. However, it no longer controls me. I control it!