It has taken me the entirety of my 30 years of life to accept the fact that I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I have always known I had one, however, accepting it is different from knowing. When I only knew that I had a disorder, I was angry, frustrated, depressed and extremely bitter. I hated every heart palpitation. Every second given to a tight chest, and most of all despised panic attacks. My prayers were full of rage and endless one sided negotiations. I wanted anything but anxiety.
However, as I have accepted my disorder, I see it in a different light. Not something that pulls my life backwards, but something that flings me forward. By being open about my anxiety, I have been able to help those around me. I have shown them that they can live a life of peace in spite of their anxiety. They can be happy and joyful. The disorder doesn’t have to control them. I can show them that there is hope.
It has been a very, very long road, but it has been worth it. I am much stronger because of it.