OH. MY. GOODNESS. This wonderful anxiety disorder of mine has decided that it is going to be involved in my conception process. My husband and I have started trying to have our first baby, and literally all I can think about is whether or not we are pregnant! I feel extra impatient (and slightly anxious) about whether or not we have a bun in the oven.
I am also experiencing anxiety in a different way now that we have begun trying to conceive. Yesterday, when I felt anxious, I cried a lot and that is not normally how I deal with my anxiety. I am also overly sensitive to every cramp/butterfly in my tummy/indigestion that I feel and I automatically want it to be a symptom of carrying a little baby.
I have noticed that I am getting anxious when I think about the possibility of being unable to get pregnant. I keep thinking about how the egg is only there for 24 hours, and if my husband and I don’t “do it” at the right time, we will miss our opportunity. It is actually a very stressful situation to try and reason out in my head. It is very strange because I spent many, many years being incredibly anxious about pregnancy and trying my best to avoid it. It truly was a huge fear of mine until about two years ago. Now, I am anxious about not being able to get pregnant. It’s very strange how that works out.
I am hoping that in the upcoming months, and into pregnancy, that my anxiety will not keep me from enjoying this process. I want to be able to soak in every moment and be joyful, no matter what happens. I am going to continue to push forward in spite of my, and remember that everything is in God’s hands. Also, I need to remember that I am in control of my anxiety. It is NOT going to control me.