Today marks one week since our miscarriage began. I began noticing some warning signs last Thursday and over the next few days the inevitable occurred. It feels like another world when we were pregnant and excited about planning nurseries, names and family friend vacations. I admit that my heart breaks when I see children, and that makes my day incredibly challenging because I am a teacher. I try to loose myself in my daily tasks, and take extra care to love on my students a little more than usual, but I am finding that my mind continues to hold onto the memories of the last few days.
The pain does not feel as sharp and vivid, but it is still present. Whenever the world around me is quiet, my thoughts slip into the “what if” game. I wonder what it would be like to be further along in my pregnancy. Would I have morning sickness? What would it feel like? These ideas often lead me to a place of dark negativity.
I am trying very hard to remain positive, but today that has been difficult. I am just feeling sad and a little hopeless, to be honest. I feel like I am never going to have a child, and my desire to be a mother will go unsatisfied. I know, in my heart, that God does not give us desires the He will not fulfill, but today is just hard.
Again, thank you for all the love and support you have poured on me over the last few days. I truly appreciate it.