Today my emotion is guilt. I feel deeply guilty that I am not enjoying my pregnancy. I lost my first pregnancy at 6 weeks back in March and desperately have been praying for a child for several years. Now that I am pregnant, I have been feeling miserable, and even at times demoralized (i.e. peeing my self while throwing up, unable to eat, throwing up all the time, gagging all day etc). I know that all of these symptoms are a sign of a beautiful miricle taking shape inside of me, but I continue to find it difficult to be happy when all I am doing is throwing up or laying on the couch because I am too nauseous to move. These conflicting emotions have made me incredibly guilty.
Another reason why I am feeling guilty is because I have done nothing around the house , to help my husband, in nearly 10 weeks. The last time I did dishes, I ended up throwing up because it looked, and smelled disgusting. He has been doing laundry, dishes, yard work, taking care of the dogs, and cleaning while I have been laying around. Now I know I’m not just laying around. I know I am resting because growing this baby is exhausting, but I feel like he gets frustrated. He has never said anything, but it is hard to just watch and not have the energy (or stomach) to help him.
Have any of you dealt with guilt while pregnant? What are your thoughts?
The Persistent Platypus 
Yes, I lost my first pregnancy and then when I got pregnant with my daughter, could not enjoy it at all until about 20 weeks because it didn’t feel real. Then I felt guilty about not feeling happy about it. Then I felt good for about a month until I felt like crap for the whole last 3 months. But when I realized that all those people who never complained a drop about being pregnant were just not being REAL, I was easier on myself. Pregnancy is NOT easy. In fact sometimes, it’s a right pain in the ass. As long as you can get through it…and you realize all of these things are temporary, the guilt will likely subside.
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I haven’t gone through a lot of nausea and throwing up,but I have a friend that has had difficult pregnancies.The first one she had a miscarriage then she latter had two babies.
I have seen her struggling.Like Joy said,it’s temporary.Try to concentrate on the upcoming baby,taking care of yourself.I can understand the guilty but remember it’s not your doing.you have not done anything wrong.
I wish you the best.May the grace of God engulf you
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Absolutely this happens. It’s a part of the journey. Congratulations to you! I have experienced lots of nausea and various pregnancy aches and pains. But I count them joys because I’m just so grateful I’ve been able to have children. It’s not easy, but every moment of it is so worth it. I used to keep a little gender neutral baby outfit in my bathroom/closet area, and every time I felt sick, I’d go in and look at the little baby hat, and hold the baby socks, and remind myself that getting sick was normal, and that I’d get to meet the baby soon. In my first pregnancy, everything was so surreal to me. I remember kinda’ being upset with the baby that I didn’t feel well and then I felt guilty about that. But after I met my little girl, I didn’t care about any of the pain and suffering I’d endured. She is so worth it. Pregnancy in my opinion is a good time to start getting used to feeling guilty… Motherhood (for me) is a constant struggle of guilt and grace – like the Christian song… “There’s a war between guilt and grace, and they’re fighting for a sacred space, but I’m living proof, grace wins every time!” Though I can’t say grace wins every time for me – not without lots of prayer anyways! God bless you on this journey!!!!!!! 🙂 Peace!
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Thank you for your encouragement
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Pregnancy is a natural and normal process, for sure, but then so are earthquakes and flash fires…
It’s so important to acknowledge your feelings of guilt (or whatever else) but maybe check out the underlying belief that says you have to have the ‘perfect’ pregnancy or that you must behave as if you were feeling 100% when you are feeling zero? Is that really true?
I hope you can be kind to you and allow yourself all the rest you need – after all, you’re a walking miracle, creating new life!
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You are making a baby…..Are you not doing your job? Your husband can not do what you are doing. Have you tried the ginger tea I suggested?
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I haven’t tried it yet but I’m going to the store today 🙂
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Please don’t beat yourself up. I understand that guilt. I’ve had it myself from time to time. But as everyone has said, you are doing your part. You are building a person from scratch! The most important thing for you to do is to take care of yourself, because to do so is to take care of your sweet baby. Also remember that a lot of your emotional response (guilt, etc) is do to your hormones. It’s natural to feel like a train wreck. Just eat small meals and rest plenty. (This is a good time to read all those baby books. Educating yourself on baby care is a great guilt-reducer!) And see if your store carries Vernor’s ginger ale. It is the absolute best for an upset stomach.
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Oh! I want to get some ginger ale!
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Oh goodness, yes, I felt so guilty the first trimester, both for not being able to do anything and because sometimes I felt less than charitable towards Lady Jr. But then the nausea and exhaustion fell away and all at once I felt human again and I realized – holy *fuck* does the first trimester suck. It just does. You’re 100% exhausted, your body is changing dramatically, and you get to feel like throwing up all day to boot – honestly, it’s easier having the flu! Yet we don’t expect people who have the flu to still go into work and function normally.
Take it easy, be selfish, let anything that can slide for now, slide. Our house was a mess for three months straight and that’s just how it had to be. I tried to think of the sudden imbalance in who was doing chores as their way of caring for the baby. You’re doing a lot of work, even if it’s invisible work, and you deserve to rest.
❤
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who had a rough first trimester! I’ll try to be easier on myself
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Oh my goodness – do NOT for a SECOND feel guilty. You are growing a person, and your body is working REALLY hard to do so. You are under ZERO obligation to enjoy it. Your “job” is to take the best care of YOU that you can so that you can remain healthy and grow your little bean.
Enjoying this would be a bonus, but it has ZERO to do with it – nor will it affect what an AWESOME mom you’re going to be. You’ll probably appreciate your baby MORE because of how tough this all was to get him/her!
You’re doing your job. Enjoy the fact that the sucky part WILL pass. I promise it gets more fun when the kiddo starts booting really hard and makes your stomach look like Alien IV. 🙂
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