Continued Anxiety

Becoming a new parent has come with many new emotions I never expected to experience. Everything feels bigger. Deeper. More intense. These over the top emotions have  completely taken me by surprise. 

Right now, as I have written about a few times over the last few weeks, I am experiencing a high level of anxiety about going back to work. Not because I don’t enjoy my job, because I love my job, but because I am anxious about leaving my daughter all day. Right now I can hold her when she cries, play with her, snuggle, and give her huge kisses all day long. But when I go back, I won’t be able to do those things when I want. I love the routine we have together. It’s simple – just feeding, sleeping, diaper changing, and cuddling- but I adore it. I am just going to miss it all. 

I know that part of my anxiety to leave her is because she is a preemie. She was born 10 weeks early, due to my severe preeclampsia, and spent 50 days in the NICU before she was able to come home. Despite all of the trauma she went through in those first 50 days, she is healthy and on target! She was healthy her entire stay in the NICU. She just needed time to grow. 

We have been through so much together and have only spent 1 day apart in her four months of life. I am not sure how to deal with these emotions. I don’t want to be anxious about going back to a job that I love. I am actively working on changing my mindset, but I am having a difficult time. 

Have any of you had similar situations about going back to work after a baby?

14 thoughts on “Continued Anxiety

  1. I guess I wanted to share that even if your gorgeous girl wasn’t preemie and you didn’t have anxiety this would be a tough change – most mothers struggle! So don’t be hard on yourself. At the same time well done on trying to work through these emotions now. I would suggest having a few practise days when she goes into whatever care you’re arranging for work and also being open with ur work about your anxiety- if you have a good boss 🙂 I love the sound of your routine!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This a struggle for moms to work and do this best for their children. Is it possible for you to stay home with her and not work? I realize some parents need the income in today’s economy. But if you can stay home. How ideal. The first five years of life are the formative years of a child’s life. I am not sure of your situation but if you can think of a way to stay home it would benefit you both. I have been in your shoes and so happy I stayed home. I am an early childhood educator and have seen first hand the minuses of using childcare other than parents.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am an educator too! Go teachers! We do need both incomes so I do have to continue to work. But summer break is coming up so that is good. It will be nice to be with her all day again. It is starting to get a little easier


      • I am praying for you and your family. I am so happy you will home with her for the summer. It will be good for both of you. So sorry about MIL. God will provide. My daughter nanny’s a little girl for a family, because she is called by God to do this. The mom and dad both work, they need to. And Natalie blesses my daughter so much. The family is not Christian. But prayerfully soon. The two families have blended over the little. God does amazing things. Kiss your little one for me.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. It is so, so hard. The first journey in was the worst – I cried all the way. The only thing that stopped me from turning round was the mantra I get running in my head “I’m doing this for her, I’m doing this for her”. It does get easier I promise. The back to work days with my second child really helped too. Good luck. You will be fine x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi there! First of all, congrats on your gorgeous little girl. Secondly, as a highly anxious person, I find it best to focus on the positives and remember that 99.9999% of the stuff you’re worrying about will all turn out just fine. I’m sure you trust your childcare provider–so that’s a positive. You really love your job–another positive. Like the above poster said, you are doing this for the good of your family–positive!

    It may be tough at first, but I promise you’ll develop a new family routine in a short while that will work well for everyone. I was a working mom because I had to be and my now adult daughters have told me that they have great respect for how I was able to balance work and home life. You’re going to do fine and will be a great example to your daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. As a mum of a six month old preparing to go back to work I too am anxious and dreading my return. However I’ve also got s four year old and went back to work when she was nine months. At the time I was anxious, cried in the loo at work and basically had pity parties for myself in the car after leaving her at nursery, BUT I soon got into a routine, she adjusted, we adjusted and I ended up being a better mum for it.. so all I can say is hang in there. It’ll get easier I promise.. and agreed you’ll be a great example to your daughter.. x

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I think pretty much every good mom has this concern. (And a few good moms don’t, and that’s OK too!) I never, EVER thought I would be worried about going back to work, and I pretty much cried and felt guilty all day. and ever since. HAHAHA

    You got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks God
    What helps also in creating happiness and overcoming depression is having some sports. I do walk in nature in the green forests of Lebanon.
    I had some exercise.
    My family helped me a lot when I was going through similar situation.
    I try to read prayers and think positively.

    It is fine to drink red wine or bear from time to time because it helps you calm down. The bible says that a little bit of wine cheers the Hearts of human beings.

    Remember that talking a walk in the calm nature whether , seaside, green gardens , mountains , forests for at least once a week or so can be very calming and charming.
    It gives you a happier biochemistry in your body and mind. It seems in nature that your spirit is closer to God.
    Try to watch funny movies that makes you laugh…

    I didn’t expect that life would become better , but gradually it would.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s