Anxiety over Family

I am feeling overwhelmed with my anxiety today, and it sucks. Through third hand information, today I heard that my mother-in-law has been having a hard time watching my baby while I have been at work. She has been crying out of frustration over it. Now, for a bit of backstory, my MIL has been running daycare out of her home for many years, and she just started watching my daughter on May 1 when I went back to work. My daughter was born 10 weeks early, and it has been a huge deal that she is finally able to go to “daycare” with grandma. 

So, back to hearing about my MIL today. My nail tech, who is a good friend of mine, told me today that one of her clients grandchildren also go to my MIL for daycare. That woman had mentioned that my MIL had been crying about How colicky my daughter is and how hard it has been adjusting. I have known she has been having a hard time because she has cried to me about it as well. However it really took me by surprise to hear it second hand. I just didn’t expect her to tell other people about it. 

I understand the need to talk about it, but it honestly made me angry to hear that. I’m not sure why exactly, but I think it is because it is something negative about my child. I know my MIL loves my daughter, but it doesn’t hurt any less. 

This week my MIL has clearly been frustrated because every day I picked up my daughter she had nothing good to say about how the day went. My anxiety spiked because I dreaded going to pick her up and having to hear what went wrong. 

My MIL actually has an anxiety disorder as well, severe OCD along with others, but she doesn’t handle it very well so I think that is playing a part in her feeling so overwhelmed. I am trying my best to be understanding, but I am just feeling very hurt. 

When I am with my daughter I don’t feel she is an overly colicky baby. She cries like any baby when she is hungry or annoyed, but not all day long. I just don’t know how to handle my anxiety in this situation because I have never been in a situation like this before. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but that didn’t go over very well. 😒

I am going to put the situation in God’s hands and let him give me strength to get through it. 

Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do? 

16 thoughts on “Anxiety over Family

  1. I have worked in the nursery for over 7 years now (UK). All the children are unique and develop at different pace. A good practitioner will adjust to a child’s needs letting them to settle in the new environment which extremely difficult regardless of their age. I would consider an honest conversation with your MIL and a possible change of daycare. It’s about your daughter and letting her to develop in a good, happy, safe and positive environment.

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  2. I agree with Anya above. My concern would be less with the adult and much more with my child. I understand it might be difficult to make changes because this is your husband’s mom, but from the sounds of it..and the fact that she’s talking to others about the situation..she may actually be relieved if you took your baby somewhere else. I know I wouldn’t want anyone watching my child who was not happy about the arrangement..

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  3. I have been in a similar situation with my bf mom. she wasn’t watching a baby but my bf son. it got to the point that I was having anxiety in the car or just thinking about the situation. she became very demanding and negative telling us we are raising him the wrong way and turning him against us. she even went as far as giving him his own room in her house. painted it and bought all new furniture.
    talking to my bf was not helping, he didn’t know what to do it’s his mom. we decided together that what was best was to not allow her to have him as a babysitter. she still pushes our buttons but we just have to remove the kid and us from the situation. it was making it difficult for us and kid to get along because he didn’t know what was going on.
    this was a couple years ago and we still have a couple hiccups with her now and then. we just talk to her and remove the situation.
    I think that is what is best maybe in yours, change daycare. talk to your husband and get him on board with what you are saying. I know it’s hard, my bf is horrible when it comes to his mother. then talk to her. maybe she also needs the change and doesn’t know how to bring it up to you without hurting you. peace and thoughts with you at this difficult time of anxiety

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  4. Ugh. That all sounds very hard. This made me think of a situation I had when my son was a baby. ~ I had just started grad school & both I and my MIL were excited for her to keep my son. It wasn’t all day like your situation which I’m certain made it less trying. For me, everything negative my MIL would say would enrage me internally. I hated picking him up & her saying he was fussy or for her to seem exhausted. It all felt like negativity toward my child & I was unprepared for how difficult this was for me. It didn’t bother me all that much for other people to comment on my son’s fussiness or whatever, but with my MIL it felt SO personal & created all sorts of anxiety. Ultimately, we changed our childcare arrangements which was ultimately best, but telling her and the transition was hard — plus she was keeping him at no charge so new care was an added expense. Sorry — that was so long. Your feelings are totally understandable. I would not like that she was sharing her frustrations with others either. All the best as you navigate this. Having a summer break will be good and hopefully help you decide what the course of action should be. xoxo

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your story! I feel so much better knowing I’m not being crazy, and you experienced the same thing. It does feel so personal when she says how fussy my daughter is. I’m going to continue to pray over the situation and thank God Summer is here! LOL

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  5. I think the best thing to do would be to pull your baby out of your MIL’s daycare and take her someplace else. Keeping her there would create a rift between you two and for family harmony, it would be worth paying someone to keep her during the day. I’m SO sorry you are going through a hard time. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I haven’t been in a situation exactly like yours, but I do know that when child care problems pop up, they can cause anxiety like nothing else. It’s SO important to know that your child is in good hands, any hint of a problem there can be mentally disastrous.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Late to the party but having family watch the baby often doesn’t end well. (Although I’ve told my kids I’d LOVE the opportunity to do so for them!!) Praying you find a good answer. Daycare stuff is HARD.

    Liked by 1 person

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