Insecure in my Mommy Skills

The tension has been building up inside of me for awhile, and tonight I am feeling it spilling over. Over the last few months, it seems like my daughter, my perfect, beautiful girl, likes her father better. She always wants him. She even cuddles with him – and she is a huge wiggler but not when he is holding her.

Now, I feel incredibly guilty for writing this, but sometimes he just takes charge and does EVERYTHING for her and it just frustrates me to no end! Since she has wanted him more lately, their relationship has really grown and he wants to nurture that and ends up doing almost everything for her. I end up feeling useless and washed up. It’s an awful feeling.

I’m not sure how to navigate these feelings, and that in itself is frustrating. I’m not sure how to explain how I feel or even how to make it better. I just wish she wanted me instead. I have a fear that she will always favor him and I’ll always be second.

It all feels petty as I am writing this, but it’s honest.

I want to say that My husband is amazing and wonderful. Don’t think I don’t love the way he treats and values our baby girl. I am thankful and I know how lucky I am to have him.

Have any of you ever felt this way? What did you do to help ease the feelings or guilt/shame/frustration etc?

15 thoughts on “Insecure in my Mommy Skills

  1. Aw what an honest post. I think I experienced this a little with my first daughter. Like you, i was also ashamed by what I felt. I felt scared that my husband and my daughter would grow up so close and “leave” me out or team up to poke fun at me all the time. It is kind of silly to me thinking about it again. 😅 but I guess they were real emotions. My husband until this day always seems to know just what to do. I think what helps, is just learning from him and doing what he does. What I did at that time is just communicate those emotions to him and that seemed to ease the very strong fear I had about that, at the time.

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    • My husband also knows what to do all the time, because his mother runs a daycare so he grew up raising kids. I, on the other hand, have always been nervous around kids – until my daughter of course. You’re right in saying it’s good to learn from him. I have learned a lot.

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  2. I have and do still feel this way. When she sees him, she lights up and explodes like a firework. Just bursts into smiles and giggles and runs to him to give him hugs. It hurts feeling this way. And I feel like I’m being selfish because our son is such a mama’s boy. Like “isn’t it enough that the boy is your number one fan? Do you have to be a superstar to both of them?” And I’m like, “Yes!! I want to be the kind of mom whose little girl looks up to and wants to be like. I want to be the kind of mom whose little girl loves spending all her girl time with her.” and so on.
    I know I’m being selfish but thanks so much for posting this and providing a space mothers like us can express these feelings of insecurity that society will most likely judge us for.

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  3. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? I have felt this way as well. I think a part of it was because I was a stay at home mom when my kids were younger, and he worked outside the home, so they didn’t see him as much and when he came home from work it was always exciting. My daughter used to favour him when she was younger, now that she is almost 11 years old she seems to favour me. My son has always favoured my husband, and now he is almost 9 years old and TELLS ME that he favours Daddy LOL The first few times he said that, it hurt a lot. But, I am the one who tends to stick to the rules better than my husband. I have realized that I am not my kids best friend, I am their Mom, and if that means they don’t like me much until they are older, then so be it! LOL Don’t worry, it gets easier 🙂

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  4. I see this in my daughter and her Daddy (my husband) too. But she is the only girl, and being Daddy’s girl is a special bond. I know growing up that having my Dad’s approval was super important. And little girl’s look to their Dad’s to learn how they should be treated. He shows her how future men (boyfriends, and future husband should treat them). There are so many good books out there about raising kids and I love learning more since I have 4 kids! Keep up the good work Mom and know no one will ever replace you!

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  5. This happens with my girls too. It comes and goes thought. With my first I was devastated but now I know that it will change depending on where she is developmentally. It seems like every six months or so our girls change who their “favorite” parent is. Wait it out, it will be alright!

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  6. I also feel this way at times, my daughter loves her daddy and he will spoil her on top of it! I will say that I love their relationship, I know how much I love my dad and how important it is to have him. Don’t worry it will turn back around it changes from time to time. Just remember you’ll be the one she goes to for EVERYTHING when she is growing into a young lady.

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  7. What your feeling is actually very natural! I’d like to first give you kudos for writing such an honest open and raw post! I can relate to the but from your daughters stand point! I was that little girl! I loved my mother very much she did everything for my sister and I. She was non stop with us. But when my dad walked in the room my world spun around him. Even to this day he’s my best friend. Since I had my own daughter I became a lot closer to my mother. I look back now and think how my own mother felt. But at the same time my sister was attached to her hip. What I realize is, it’s not what your doing it’s the personality of your daughter and husband that link closely that give them this bond. Trust me your daughter loves you endlessly the way I love my mother. My sister would say oh Daddy favors you and I’d say well mommy favors you. It was an ongoing fight between us and the truth is, they loved us both deeply but differently Bc of our personalities and our needs! And to make you feel better no matter how much of a daddy’s girl she is, once she’s a teenager your all she will want!

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  8. My kids have favored me more but they will go dad for fun. I’m the cuddler while my husband is always ready for fun. I think your baby will come to you more soon. Just like us adults prefer one friend for maybe advice and one for fun. Kids are just the same just enjoy every bit now ☺️

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  9. I think kids naturally favor one parent but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you! I think as they grow and experience different things your child will go to you for some things and him for others. Keep your chin up. Your kiddo loves you!!

    If you place a comment on my post I’ll share the link to your blog! Trying to build a parenting community 🙂

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