About thepersistentplatypus

I am Elle, and I enjoy spending time with my husband, my new baby, and two amazing dogs. I am a gifted teacher at a middle school, which I absolutely love! I have a passion for all things creative. Writing, reading, photography, movies, and drawing!

You Are Strong

If you made it through today – you are strong. There are times when you have to congratulate yourself on just pushing though from sunrise to sunset. I have been there. 100%.

Life can be ridiculously difficult, and add mental disorders on top of it, and it makes a toxic cocktail. But look! You made it through! I made it through!

Anxiety and depression did not win. Each day, each moment, that we press onward is a victory. We can do this. Together we can make it.

You are strong.

It’s Raw Anxiety.

Today my anxiety was real. It was intense. Sharp. Constricting. There were several times today when I felt as if I couldn’t breath. As if I was about to fall into an abyss. I haven’t felt anxiety this raw in a long time. 

It was triggered by the end of my summer break rapidly coming to an end. I go back to work Friday, and I am dreading leaving my baby. Any time I think about it I feel sick. I have loved being home with her this summer. Cuddling together, and watching the Today Show in the morning. Playtimes in the afternoon, and bedtime snuggles at night. It rips me apart inside to have to go back and no longer have those times with her. 

I also love my job. I always look forward to going back, but it is different now. I wasn’t expecting to experience this sadness. 

I know God will give me strength to push onward, and it will get better with time, but right now it hurts. 
Here we are! How can I leave this beautiful face? 

Take THAT Anxiety! 

My day started out with a bit of unexplained anxiety, which annoyed me greatly. As many of you know, anxiety comes around for no reasons a lot of the time, which is what makes it so frustrating! However, I didn’t let it ruin my day! I went to the gym, swam in my pool, and by the time the day was over I realized I had beaten the anxiety, and had a wonderful day! 

I praise God for helping me to get to this point because I haven’t always been able to beat anxiety in less than a day. Sometimes it took months. 

If you are in the fight with anxiety, don’t give up. You can beat it. 

No more Breastmilk !’

Over the last few months, breastmilk has ruled my life! I pump a million times a day, and constantly worry if I am producing enough milk for my LO. BUT no more! 

Here’s a quick little back story for those who haven’t read my previous posts.  December 23, 2016 my daughter came into the world 10 weeks early because of my severe preeclampsia. After 50 days in the NICU, she is 100% healthy and beautiful! 
Ever since she was born, I have been pumping breastmilk, however, my milk does not have enough calories to give her enough weight. Our doctor told us that we need to switch to exclusively using formula to fatten her up. It was difficult to hear that I was able to provide her with enough fat, but I have been trying to focus on the positive. 
Since switching over to formula, she has put on nearly a pound in just a week! Yay! As for pumping, I have been weaning myself off the pump, and today is my first day without pumping! It’s incredible and terrifying at the same time. I didn’t expect so much guilt to come along with quitting, but I also have so much more time on my hands! I am learning that being a mom is all about conflicting emotions! 

My Fighter

Your life started rough

But you are strong and so loved

You are my baby.

 

**To my beautiful daughter who has been out of the NICU for almost 5 months and is healthy and incredible! She teaches me so much everyday, and lights up my life with her smile. I can’t imagine life without her in it. 🙂

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My Baby’s Developmental Update

Sorry It took me so long to finally post this information, but last week, we had my daughter’s four month developmental check after being released from her NICU stay and it went well! We are most worried about her weight, because right now her weight is not even on the preemie growth scale. So we are going to switch from breastmilk to primarily formula, with one bottle of breast milk a day. I am both excited and guilty about this change.

If I am honest, I HATE pumping! It takes so much time, and it is incredibly uncomfortable. I am looking forward to not having to do that anymore, but another part of me feels incredible guilt. I feel like I am suppose to be able to provide food for my daughter, but an unable to do it. Like something is wrong. Also, I think that during our NICU stay, pumping milk was the only way I could provide for her, so a part of me feels like I am no longer helping. I know that isn’t true, but that is the thought process that is taking over as I switch to formula.

The other thing we learned during our checkup is that our daughter is a month delayed with her gross motor skills. Since her weight is so low (it’s 9 pounds 5 ounces now! YAY) she is still somewhat stiff. Our homework is to do at least an hour of tummy/play time a day, which I’m sure many of you know, babies despise tummy time! However, as we have worked on tummy time this week, she is getting use to it and has been able to stay on her tummy for almost five minutes! YAY! Last week we couldn’t even do 30 seconds!

Through all of this chaos I am remembering that God is in control, and he has a plan for my baby girl. She is healthy, and that is what matters. Thank you for following along with my story! I am going to try and update more often 🙂 I promise!

OH! And for those of you who read about my anxiety, things have been pretty calm. If there was ever a time in my life where I had a right to be anxious, it would be now, but for the most part, it has been under control. I still have my days of high anxiety, but I am able to take back control relatively easily. Praise God!

Developmental Assessment 

Yesterday we took my daughter to get her developmental follow up exam that she needed after her stay in the NICU. 

After our time with the doctor, the doctor said our daughter is on target cognatively and doing really well on her language development. We Also learned that, She is a month delayed on her gross motor skills. At first I was concerned to hear that, because no one wants to hear their child has a delay, however, the doctor said that we will be able to help her catch up by doing more tummy time, and other excersises that help her limber up. 

The only major concern the doctor had was our daughter’s weight. Her weight has dropped off the scale, so we are going to begin using mostly formula to help bulk her up. The doctor said that she is hopeful that our daughter will be able to put on the weight she needs. 

I have been anxious about the exam over the last few months, because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Although, she needs to gain more weight, and it is a concern at this time, I feel that the overall feel of the exam was positive. The doctor was very happy with how she was coming along overall and said we are a great family. 

Please send prayers for her development of her gross motor skills and her weight gain journey. Thank you for all your love and support! 

Post Preemie Eye Exam

My baby girl had her follow up eye exam and all is good! Actually, all is great! Her eyes are fully developed and looking fantastic! The doctor even commented on how mature she is, developmentally, for her age! Yay! That lifted a HUGE weight off of my shoulders. 

Tomorrow we will be taking her to her four month developmental check up to make sure she is progressing the way she should. Over the last few months, as we have taken her into her pediatrician, there has been no red flags, so we hope tomorrow will go smoothly.

I do have some pretty high anxiety about the visit, because I’m not sure what to expect. I feel in my heart she is progressing, but I have never had an extensive amount of time with babies, so I only know what I experience with my daughter. 

I am trying to combat the anxiousness with positive self talk and prayer. This morning I woke up with an 8 out of 10, but since then, it has gone down to about a 2. I may have a spike again before the exam tomorrow, but I am doing my best to stay positive and fight against it. 

I will update you all on her progress tomorrow!! Have a great night and DON’T let anxiety win! 

Family trip!

We are taking our first family vacation with our baby girl! Phoenix! Technically she was born here due to her emergency birth and me being flown down here, but it’s our first time back to Phoenix since we left the hospital, and we are here to enjoy ourselves! My parents are coming from Ohio to hang out as well, so we are really looking forward to the time away from home. 

On Thursday, Eisley has her follow up Eye Appointment, which will be the first one since we left the hospital. We were given the all good before we left the NICU, so we are thinking we should be good to go. However, it does spike up my anxiety a little bit, because I hate having to take her back to see more doctors. My husband (as well as my parents) are here as support so I am dealing with the anxiety pretty well. 

I will keep you updated on how things go, and on what adventures we have while in town! 

Have an amazing day!