Today was my first day back to school (aka work since I am a teacher) after summer. I was incredibly anxious about going back while pregnant. My morning sickness has been awful and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the day. Or throw up in front of the kids. To add to my anxiety, I changed positions this year, within the same school, and my students are all different so I felt like a brand new teacher. I ended up crying to husband last night about how I just want to feel like myself again and about how anxious I was about the kids coming. He was incredibly kind and told me that I would do great.
It turns out that I only had some minor morning sickness, because I was hungry, around lunch and the rest of the day was wonderful! I am so proud of myself for getting through and being strong! Yay me!
As you know, just about a month ago, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. It has been a very turbulent month, emotionally and physically, for the both of us. I have been wrestling with my Faith in trying to understand why all this happened. I am learning that I am not going to figure out why this is all happening. I just need to continue to trust in spite of my lack of understanding.
I have had a difficult time dealing with all the emotions, because grief is not something I have dealt with very much. Anxiety is what I know, and I know how to control it. Sadness is quite different. I know that I have to just cry when I feel like it and learn to express my anger appropriately. I have started working out more and eating healthy. I want to take this time to heal my body internally and externally.
Each day is a journey and I am going to continue staying positive and trusting that everything will someday work out.
My dad is getting ready to retire, so for old times sake, we took him out to lunch at the diner right next to his work.
This week has been a whirlwind! Thanksgiving has been fantastic. My husband and I hosted, for our second year in a row, and I absolutely love being the host. The best part of this weekend is that I have not had any anxiety! I am so thankful that I am able to go so long without anxiety! Whoohoooo!
Also, this week, my husband and I completed our foster care paperwork, and are now waiting to schedule our first training session. We are continuing to pray about the process as we are waiting to begin. I must say, that the waiting is terrible, and we haven’t even been waiting on a child yet! MY GOODNESS!
Today, during my bible study, I was reminded that we need to look behind our storm, and not allow Life’s circumstances to push us off track. There are always going to be external conflicts that will threaten our inner peace, and we must work hard to look past the conflicts and find happiness with what we have already received.
As an anxiety sufferer, I have found it incredibly prudent to protect what little inner peace I have on any given day. There are days when my anxiety is so high that I only have peace the size of a mustard seed. However, on those days I cling to that seed of peace and focus on my blessings. I have a wonderful husband. A loving family. A great job. Three snugly dogs. Whatever it may be, I think about that instead of my anxiety. I cannot, and will not, allow anxiety to take over my life again. I have been given an incredible life, and I want to always remember that.
We can work together and encourage one another to stay positive in dark times and find the joy in each moment. Don’t ever give up hope. Each day we have is a blessing.
Love you all! Have a wonderful night!
It is that time! Time to snuggle deeply into our blankets, and shut out the world. I hope you all have a fantastic and restful sleep!
Luna, Thor, and Tripod want to wish you a good morning! They hope you have a great day and that your stress and anxiety take a backseat to peace!
I have been sharing my experiencing with being in a new classroom environment over the past few weeks, and I truly appreciate all the kind words you have all given me. It continues to be challenging mentally and physically (since I’m not use to teaching straight through the day). It has also been challenging the safeguards I have in place for my anxiety. When my stress levels are elevated I find it more difficult to control my anxiety. I have had to be very mindful of what I am thinking, who I spend time around and how I relax. I have found that it is very important to take breaks from lesson planning, writing IEPS, creating projects and all the other things that go along with the job. I need time for myself. I never thought I would have a hard time pulling myself away from work! I am grateful that I love my job so much, and I am truly blessed to have this opportunity this year!
I am finding strength from all of your comments! Thank you!