Fighting back

I am fighting back at my anxiety. It can’t keep winning. My stress at work and with my friends has been very high, I can’t let it get any higher. Anxiety will not take anymore of my life. I have a daughter now, and she deserves 100% of her mom, and I will make that happen.

To combat the anxiety, I am going to post a bible verse each day for the rest of the month, to fill my mind and heart with God.

This reminds me that no matter what, God will be at my side. Even when it feels like he isn’t there, He is. He carries me when I am weak. What an amazing God we have!

You Are Strong

If you made it through today – you are strong. There are times when you have to congratulate yourself on just pushing though from sunrise to sunset. I have been there. 100%.

Life can be ridiculously difficult, and add mental disorders on top of it, and it makes a toxic cocktail. But look! You made it through! I made it through!

Anxiety and depression did not win. Each day, each moment, that we press onward is a victory. We can do this. Together we can make it.

You are strong.

It’s Raw Anxiety.

Today my anxiety was real. It was intense. Sharp. Constricting. There were several times today when I felt as if I couldn’t breath. As if I was about to fall into an abyss. I haven’t felt anxiety this raw in a long time. 

It was triggered by the end of my summer break rapidly coming to an end. I go back to work Friday, and I am dreading leaving my baby. Any time I think about it I feel sick. I have loved being home with her this summer. Cuddling together, and watching the Today Show in the morning. Playtimes in the afternoon, and bedtime snuggles at night. It rips me apart inside to have to go back and no longer have those times with her. 

I also love my job. I always look forward to going back, but it is different now. I wasn’t expecting to experience this sadness. 

I know God will give me strength to push onward, and it will get better with time, but right now it hurts. 
Here we are! How can I leave this beautiful face? 

Take THAT Anxiety! 

My day started out with a bit of unexplained anxiety, which annoyed me greatly. As many of you know, anxiety comes around for no reasons a lot of the time, which is what makes it so frustrating! However, I didn’t let it ruin my day! I went to the gym, swam in my pool, and by the time the day was over I realized I had beaten the anxiety, and had a wonderful day! 

I praise God for helping me to get to this point because I haven’t always been able to beat anxiety in less than a day. Sometimes it took months. 

If you are in the fight with anxiety, don’t give up. You can beat it. 

Anxiety over Family

I am feeling overwhelmed with my anxiety today, and it sucks. Through third hand information, today I heard that my mother-in-law has been having a hard time watching my baby while I have been at work. She has been crying out of frustration over it. Now, for a bit of backstory, my MIL has been running daycare out of her home for many years, and she just started watching my daughter on May 1 when I went back to work. My daughter was born 10 weeks early, and it has been a huge deal that she is finally able to go to “daycare” with grandma. 

So, back to hearing about my MIL today. My nail tech, who is a good friend of mine, told me today that one of her clients grandchildren also go to my MIL for daycare. That woman had mentioned that my MIL had been crying about How colicky my daughter is and how hard it has been adjusting. I have known she has been having a hard time because she has cried to me about it as well. However it really took me by surprise to hear it second hand. I just didn’t expect her to tell other people about it. 

I understand the need to talk about it, but it honestly made me angry to hear that. I’m not sure why exactly, but I think it is because it is something negative about my child. I know my MIL loves my daughter, but it doesn’t hurt any less. 

This week my MIL has clearly been frustrated because every day I picked up my daughter she had nothing good to say about how the day went. My anxiety spiked because I dreaded going to pick her up and having to hear what went wrong. 

My MIL actually has an anxiety disorder as well, severe OCD along with others, but she doesn’t handle it very well so I think that is playing a part in her feeling so overwhelmed. I am trying my best to be understanding, but I am just feeling very hurt. 

When I am with my daughter I don’t feel she is an overly colicky baby. She cries like any baby when she is hungry or annoyed, but not all day long. I just don’t know how to handle my anxiety in this situation because I have never been in a situation like this before. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but that didn’t go over very well. 😒

I am going to put the situation in God’s hands and let him give me strength to get through it. 

Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do? 

A break from Anxiety

I have tried to not dwell on my anxiety about going back to work after my maternity leave, and just focus on my daughter these last few days. Just looking at her reminds me of how incredible God is. How far he has carried us over the last four months. I will get through going back to work. God gives me the strength to do it, even when I feel like I can’t. He is my strength. 

Anxiety will always be my battle, but it doesn’t always have to win. I choose to take back my mind. It cannot steal anymore time away from me. 

Raging Hormones with a touch of Anxiety

My hormones have been raging out of control today and they have been sprinkled with a touch of anxiety. I have had a lot of anxiety about becoming a mom. I haven’t had much anxiety since I got pregnant, and this has all seem to hit me all of a sudden. I’m not upset that I am pregnant but I am starting to freak out about what it is going to be like when the little bundle gets here. A part of me wants to hid under the covers and just cry for the rest of the day, and the other part of me wants March 1st (the due date) to hurry up and get there! What the heck!

I was already emotional, but this is intense!

What did you guys do when your hormones started to get the best of you?

 

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Shine Bright

My goal today is to be a beacon of positivity to all those around me. I do not want to add negativity to an already negative world. I want to be the bright light in a dark room. 

I think it is vitally important that we strive to bring happiness to those around us, even if it is just a smile. 

Today, challenge yourself to bring positivity to those you meet. 

11 weeks!

Wow! I don’t know how it has happened, but I am 11 weeks pregnant! Apparently, my baby is around the size of a lime! That seems huge to me, considering they just a few weeks ago it was a poppy seed! 

I actually found that today I had a lot of energy, and that hasn’t happened in weeks. I was able to get through work without crashing immediately when I got home. 

I am still throwing up in the mornings (boo), but my nausea doesn’t last all day anymore. I seem to finally be experiencing a little bit of relief. I am hoping and praying that it will end soon!

Oh! And I have ZERO anxiety! I haven’t had much at all since I got pregnant. I was really worried that it would get really bad, but it seems to have disappeared, and for that, I am thankful! 

Cheers to week 11 and ZERO anxiety! 

Savor the Beautiful

As a woman with anxiety, there are so many things in this world that cause me to be anxious, but I have learned to just savor the small moments. Any small thing that brings me relief and happiness, I count as a blessing. 

So many things are unknown in this life, but I have to learn to let it go. Trust that God will take care of me – no matter what happens. I’m not sure about the rest of you, but that can be really difficult. I like to be in control and know what is coming, but that is not real life. I am continually learning to trust God and find joy in the mist of chaos. 

How do you cope with your anxieties?