First Easter!

My darling baby went to her first Easter service! She did well through Praise and Worship, but she started crying when the sermon started, so we hung out in the nursery. She made some new friends there though! 

It was also the first time the whole family (my husband, our daughter and I) went to church together. Even though she was fussy, and I didn’t get to hear the message, I felt so blessed to be able to be together praising God. It was wonderful. 

No Longer a Preemie (clothing wise)!

Today was a good day! I was able to fit some yoga in between Eisley’s naps so my body, that was once tight and cramped, is feeling pretty good. I was also able to get in about 7 hours of sleep, in 2 hour increments due to her frequent feedings. 

HUGE NEWS! She has outgrown her preemie clothes! Tonight I when went to snuggle her into her jammies, they didn’t fit! It was an incredibly exciting moment! A huge anxiety for me concerning Eisley, is her weight. She gains very slowly and is pretty slow with her feedings. She has been like that since her NICU days. So I was relieved to see that she is outgrowing her tiny clothes! YAY! 

I thank God for continuing to be with Eisley as she grows and helps her develop. Her first two months have not been easy, by any means, and I know he has been there every step of the way. 

Eisley was very excited for her breakfast!

Waiting to Leave

My baby girl is doing an incredible job in the NICU! The only hurdle she has to conquer before we go home is eating on her own. Slowly but surly she is getting there. I am so proud of her. 

However, I have to admit that I have some anxiety about this process. We have been in the NICU, 3 hours away from home, for 34 days and I desperately want to go home. Inside I feel so much anxiety and pressure for her to be able to eat. This makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know she is still learning and it’s hard for her, but a part of me just wants her to hurry up and do it so I can take her home. 

Right now we are using a bottle to feed her since she is so small. It’s easier to tell how much she drank compared to breast feeding. However I feel anxious that I am not breastfeeding too. It is something I want to do but she found it more difficult that using the bottle. There are just so many emotions with this part of our NICU journey! I am feeling a little overwhelmed and anxious. 

However, I know God is in control and His plan is perfect. We are here in the NICU for a reason. He has brought our baby girl so far and he will continue to do so. I just need to remember that. ❤

Missing my baby…

Being a NICU mom is incredibly challenging. It is day 26 for Eisley in the NICU, she is doing great, but as I wake up at 2 am to pump, I wish she was here with me instead of at the hospital. I wish that I was breastfeeding here and comforting her in the middle of the night instead of setting an alarm to pump into bottles for her NICU stockpile. I wish I could hold her and snuggle her right now and not have to wait until my 20 minute car ride later today. 

I know that God has a plan for all of this, and I trust Him completely. He knows that my heart yearns for my baby girl to be near me, and he understands the ache. Even though this journey is unbelievably difficult, I know He is here with me every step of the way, holding me up and giving me strength. 

Pregnancy Update

WOW! It has been a really long time since I have posted anything on here! I am currently 19 weeks, and things are going well with my pregnancy, the baby is developing well and is very healthy. I am finally starting to feel her kick more! It is crazy to feel that, and incredibly exciting. I am still fighting morning sickness, which sucks, but I am still pushing forward. Things are better than they were in the beginning, so I am trying to stay positive.

There are still moments where it still seems unbelievable that I am pregnant, and the excitement still feels fresh! I cannot wait until I can finally meet by baby girl.

It’s a girl!

It has been way too long since I have been on WordPress, and I have missed you all! I wanted to let you all know that my pregnancy has been progressing along very well (even though I still have morning sickness) and yesterday we found out that WE ARE HAVING A GIRL! 

This slightly terrifies me because girls (as I know from my own childhood) are complicated and emotional! I hope I’m up for it! Even though I am nervous about having a girl, I am so looking forward to it!! 

Here she is!! 

Puking because of what you see?

This seems to be my problem since I got pregnant. Yesterday I saw someone blow a snot rocket and I have thrown up three time since seeing it. I already have obsessive thoughts due to my anxiety disorder, but they have been under control for awhile now. However, ever since yesterday this moment keeps playing in my mind over and over and it won’t stop. Unfortunately, now that I’m pregnant I throw up all the time. So I am stuck in this never ending cycle of snot rockets and vomit.

Earlier in my pregnancy I threw up because my sink looked really gross and I’m not sure if I am the only one who throws up because of things I see. It is really bizzare. Smells don’t bother me very much but sight does. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Or have any advice how to get out of my endless mental cycle today? 

Thank you for letting me vent. It has been a rough 24 hours. 

Trying to be Patient 

I am now 12 weeks pregnant, and I am finding it difficult to be be patient as I wait for my little unborn child to develop. What I mean is – I just want to meet them! I want to hold them in my arms and cuddle the heck out of them. 

I am so looking forward to seeing what they look like, how they sound and even the way they smell. I heard babies smell nice, so it’s not too weird. 

I am trying to celebrate every moment but really I just want to hold my baby. ❤️

Pregnancy Continued

I am half way into the 11th week of my pregnancy and things are going well. I am still feeling nauseous, and somedays I am feeling frustrated about being sick. However, things are slowly getting better, and I am going to be grateful for each moment (no matter how short) of not being nauseous.

I have also noticed that I have hit the emotional part of my pregnancy! I am not a big crier, but I have cried A LOT the last two days. I don’t even know what it was about, but I just felt like i needed to sob! I feel sorry for my husband! God bless him! LOL!

OH! And I still have NO Anxiety! YAY!