Christmas to Me

Christmas to me has always been about two things: Jesus Christ, and my family.

Each year at this time, I take time to reflect on why Christ was born, and the true meaning behind his miraculous birth. I am reminded that   He came here to create relationships with us. To build a bridge to cover the distance between holiness and humanity, and the way we cross that bridge is by choosing to enter into a relationship with Him. It is not at all about the things we do. It is purely about the love He gives freely. We celebrate His birth because He saved us in spite of ourselves.

I find the fact that Jesus loves me in spite of me to be incredibly comforting, especially in light of my anxiety disorder. It is often hard to imagine Jesus loving me when my mind and spirit are often filled with anxiety and fear. Many times for unknown reasons. However, who better to understand fear and anxiety than Jesus? He willingly went to the cross to die, and he was able to push through the incredible anxiety and fear that he was experiencing, and face death, to ensure we would spend eternity at his side. That to me is mind blowing! I can barely push through my anxiety when sitting in the middle of a movie theater row, let alone face death! We are so lucky to serve such an amazing God.

The second thing that comes to mind during the Christmas season, for me, is family. There is nothing more important to me than family. My family and I are incredibly close and we have so many traditions that we carry out every year. My mother makes cinnamon rolls that we have on Christmas morning. We exchange pajamas on Christmas Eve so we will look cute in our Christmas morning photos. We attend Christmas Eve Service together and watch loads of Christmas movies. It is an incredibly joyous time in our home(s) during this time of year. I feel so lucky because as I grow older, and work with more and more students of dysfunctional homes, I realize that not everyone is happy during this time of year. Not everyone has good memories of the holidays. The more these facts hit closer to my heart, I am more and more grateful for the life God has blessed me with.

Today, I fell even deeper in love with  my family, because I happened to come across an old children’s book my mother use to read to us around this time of year (the Polar Express), and she read it to us! Let me remind you that I am 30 years old and my brother is 26. My mom, dad, brother and myself all squeezed into my parents bed (a king size thankfully) while she read it to us. There was lots of laughing and flashbacks to our childhood, but it truly was one of the most magical family moments we have ever had. I hope that I am able to give this type of happiness and togetherness to my children in the future.

As Christmas Day comes, I think we all need to remember the true reasons why we celebrate this holiday. It is easy to loose sight of its meaning when we are constantly bombarded with consumerism and selfishness. Take time to reflect on your blessings and give hugs to all those whom you love.

Merry Christmas.


Feelings of Joy

Being back in the place where I grew up, I have been experiencing feelings of nostalgia as I look at  enjoy the decorations, wrap gifts and watch our favorite family Christmas movies. I am reminded how wonderful my childhood was, and how much love the four of us shared together through the years. I am so blessed to have a family that is exceptionally supportive and loving. It has been an amazing journey to come back home for Christmas and be able to enjoy time with my family WITHOUT anxiety! It is freeing to be able to feel joy spread through all of me, without the hinderance of my disorder. I feel so much deeper and love even stronger!

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas! If this is a difficult time for you, reach out to those who are closest to you and and let them know. Love is stronger then you may think, and it will bring healing. Christmas symbolizes the birth of our salvation and with that, the security of peace amongst the chaos.

The Holiday

Whenever I watch the Holiday, with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, I always feel so romantic and festive! It is such an incredible movie! My mother has NEVER seen it, so I quickly changed that, and we are watching it now!

I highly recommend it!

I love my mom!

This evening my family and I have been watching Christmas movies, after we had spent the day shopping! I have missed spending quality time with them and it just feels so good to be back here! I feel so blessed to have a close knit family and we continue the traditions we started when we were kids! For the past 29 years my parents have given us pjs on Christmas Eve so we could have nice pictures on Christmas morning. So, today mom and I bought those pjs for everyone so we could continue the tradition!

It is utterly surreal to be back home because it feels as if I have never left. The feelings of stress and worriedness have bee replaced with relaxation and contentment. I adore being with my family and am looking forward to the next few days with them! I hope they go by slowly!

Hanging with my bro!

It has been years since I have been able to just hang out and sit with my brother back at my childhood home!
It has been wonderful to be back! Today I went to my mother’s school and got to meet her students and then the whole family watched a movie together! It was just like old times. I am so glad I was able to come home for Christmas!

Going on an adventure!!

Tomorrow I head across the country, by plane, to my parents house!! This is also where I grew up so as I’m thinking about my trip I am reminiscing about all the amazing memories that were made there! I have not been back home for Christmas since 2011! That is far too long!

My husband is not able to come because he has finals, for his masters, that are due on the 24th! Ridiculous! I am sad he isn’t coming. I am also a little bit anxious because he is my rock and support during our travels. Plus I will miss him at Christmas. I will be back day after so we can celebrate it then 🙂

I will keep you posted on my progress tomorrow, and update you on my anxiety. I am hopeful I can keep it under check!