Acceptance was the Key

After living with an anxiety disorder for 31 years I have found that acceptance was the best decision I ever made. I wasted so many years wishing I had any other affliction. Wishing I was someone else. Cursing myself for being the way I was. However, over the last two years I have stopped being so hard on myself and have finally learned that I am ok. My anxiety doesn’t define me. I am not just an anxiety sufferer. I am a woman with anxiety. I am a woman first. I am so many other things! A writer. Teacher. Wife. Learner. Adventurist. Artist. And so much more. I cannot define myself solely based on my disorder.

I have also learned that , I cannot wish it away. It is part of who I am, and like it or not, it has molded me into the woman that I am today. So, I have learned to accept it. I accept that my life will not always be easy. There will be days when I want to hide away from the world, or days when I don’t understand why I am afraid. I will be frustrated, angry and anxious. That is the hard truth. But on the other side, I will emerge stronger! My anxiety will no longer tear me down. It will build me up even taller. It is part of who I am, and I am finally able love all of me. 

Happiness during hard times 

This week, I have learned that being happy and at peace doesn’t always mean that my life is going according to plan. Things do not have to be perfect for me to experience joy. In fact, having peace has nothing to do with circumstances! It has everything to do with attitude. 

Even when the world around you is crumbling apart, you can experience peace. Happiness. Joy. All you have to do is turn your thoughts around and focus on God. 

I challenge you to turn your thoughts when you feel yourself going “dark”. Find the light today. Experience joy even within the chaos. 

  

Happy Valentine’s Day, Anxiety! 

The dreaded anxiety did not follow me around too much today, which is an incredible Valentine’s Day gift! 

This week has been very rough, anxiety wise. I was sitting between 8-10 on my measuring scale, which is incredibly uncomfortable. I had intense mood swings, and burst into tears for no reason. It was pretty rough. 

There is no way I could have made it through this week without the support of my husband. He was loving and kind, even though I was ridiculously moody. I feel incredibly blessed! 

I hope you all had a good week, and if you had a week like me, I hope you had someone to help you. 

My light in the darkness

Since my overall theme of the day has been “positivity” I wanted to share my ray of light with you. My husband is someone with whom I can always lean on in times of anxiety. He suffers from an anxiety disorder as well (I feel sorry for our future child lol) and he is able to relate to what I am going through. I feel incredibly blessed to have a man who will hold me when I feel anxious, push me outside of my comfort zone and pray with me when I feel weak. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together ! 

  

Focusing on the Positive

The last two weeks have been very anxious for me (and my husband). A lot of our conversations were fueled by negativity and sprinkled with depression. However, dwelling on negative things is not going to help us heal our anxieties or move our lives in a positive direction. 

This week, let’s all focus on finding the positive. Even if it is tiny or even minuscule. Finding those tiny moments of happiness and joy will make a huge difference. 

I challenge you to be positive! If you take the challenge, I promise your life will start to change! 

Anxiety got the best of us 

On this special day, anxiety got the best of us. Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary with my incredible husband. It has been more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. To celebrate we are spending a few nights in Las Vegas! 

However, the last several months my husband has had an incredible amount of anxiety and today he had a really hard time whenever we left our hotel room. He had a full panic attack while standing in line for one of the museums we were going to visit. If we hadn’t paid for the tickets already, I don’t think he would have been able to go. I know exactly how he feels because I have been there. I have had panic attacks while standing in line, leading a meeting, teaching class, and while driving the car. The strange thing about all of this is, I have never been on the other side of the situation before. 

It is absolutely horrible to watch my husband deteriorate right before my eyes while I stand by and do nothing. For the last few months, I have tried and tried to carry his burden for him because I don’t want him to be in the place I was a year and a half ago. I feel so heavy and worn out. I honestly feel like someone is pushing down on my shoulders and I am fighting to stay upright. He is going to the dr on Wednesday, so that is good, but I feel completely helpless and lost. 

Overall, there were many moments of anxiety for both of us today, however, it all ended well. I hope tomorrow brings less anxiety but if it comes our way, we will fight back with prayer and positivity.