Back to Work

Tomorrow I will be going back after being on maternity leave for 4 months. If you are new to my blog, my daughter was born 10 weeks premature, and spent 50 days in the NICU. She is healthy and wonderful! We have been so blessed through the entire experience. It is the best case scenario that came out of a terrible situation.

So now, after four months, I am heading back! I am a middle school gifted teacher and I have really been missing my kiddos and being able to be creative in my classroom. I love being a teacher, and i love my job. It will be nice to be back.

However, I am still expreicing some anxiety and guilt about going back. I didn’t think I would be feeling this way before my daughter was born. But now that she is here, I want to hold her in my arms every moment of the day. She will be staying at her grandmother’s house, who runs a private daycare out of her home, so that is incredible. I know my daughter will be in wonderful hands. It doesn’t take away all of the sting though.

Tomorrow will be hard, but I will be able to get through it with God’s strength. I will not let my anxiety or guilt take over. I know my baby is safe, and she will be happy with her grandma. 🙂 But keep me in your prayers anyway! LOL

Finding strength

I have been sharing my experiencing with being in a new classroom environment over the past few weeks, and I truly appreciate all the kind words you have all given me. It continues to be challenging mentally and physically (since I’m not use to teaching straight through the day). It has also been challenging the safeguards I have in place for my anxiety. When my stress levels are elevated I find it more difficult to control my anxiety. I have had to be very mindful of what I am thinking, who I spend time around and how I relax. I have found that it is very important to take breaks from lesson planning, writing IEPS, creating projects and all the other things that go along with the job. I need time for myself. I never thought I would have a hard time pulling myself away from work! I am grateful that I love my job so much, and I am truly blessed to have this opportunity this year! 

I am finding strength from all of your comments! Thank you! 

Tough day

Today was rough for me. The stress of my new teaching position caught up with me and I ended up crying in my husband’s office (he is my assistant principal). I have just been feeling very overwhelmed and almost a little bit like I am drowning. This is my fourth year teaching but teaching two grade levels, with four different subjects, plus writing IEPS for my students in special educating, is quickly making me stressed and very anxious. It almost feels like my first year all over again, except without the classroom management issues I just want to be sure that I do my job well and help provide the best education I can for my students. 

Today it all felt like too much and I began to doubt in my abilities to do the job. I needed to unload emotionally so I could move on with the day. I felt better after my husband’s encouragement and the rest of my day went well. I did, however, still have moments of anxiety when I began to realize how much I still had to do in preparation but I am going to work on taking it one day at a time. 

Mundane Excitement 

For the past week or so, I have harbored a deep excitement about going back to work to set up my classroom! I have actually been counting down the days! It’s a little sad actually, but I truly love decorating my classroom. Every year I end up moving rooms so I get to start over, decor wise. I have been Pinning on Pinterest all summer and I am ready to get started! 

No, I am not saying I am ready for summer to be over, because I am not quite ready for that yet. But I am thrilled to begin organizing and decorating! 

This exhilaration tells me that I am in the right career. LOL! 

I need a positivity reminder!

I am feeling very frustrated and anxious about an upcoming teacher assessment that I have to take. I have taken many teacher tests over the past five years, but this one focuses on middle school social studies I have only taught 1 grade in social studies, however the test is going to cover three grade levels. I have been working my tail off trying to learn all the concepts, but when I take the practice quiz questions there always seems to be a new event that I haven’t yet studied. It is so frustrating! I take the test on Thursday and I am feeling discouraged… 

Am I feeling overly anxious and upset? Yes. I realize that this mindset is not going to help me learn the content. I need to refocus my mind on what I do know, and eventually I will learn it. In the meantime, I need to get my anxiety under control and take back this situation!

Thank you for letting me vent!

What happened to the Passion?

I found it sad today when I student told me that he didn’t need to learn anymore because he had already taken the test he needed to take. What message are we sending our kids by testing them so often? How are we providing them with the knowledge to help them become well rounded adults if our curriculum is only geared at what might appear on a state test? It is heartbreaking to think how these students, who I care about as if they were my own, are missing the point of learning. Learning is not something to be gained only so to pass a test! Learning is about feeding our deepest human yearning and following the path our curiosity sets before us. I hope that we teachers can find a way to fix this broken system and bring passion back to our classrooms.