Feeling blessed for a life of Love

As a teacher, I have many students in my classes who do not have supportive environments. I try my best to provide them with a classroom that they can all feel safe and valued in, because that may be the only place they experience that sort of care. Even though I have an anxiety disorder, it was caused by genetics, not an unloving home. I was spoiled rotten as a child, and continue to be treated as such by my husband. My heart goes out to all my students who crave love and have no where to find it.

It is worth the fight

Living with anxiety can be a difficult task. Honestly, there are very dark days when we feel as if the world is falling apart. As if we can never feel tranquility or complete happiness. It can feel like we are in a large scale theater show were we must carry out the actions and say the right lines, yet we have no feeling behind them. We can feel trapped in an endless cycle of fear, panic and obsessions.

However, it does not last forever. Though anxiety cannot be cured, it can be trained. We can learn and transform ourselves into masters of our illness! It takes a lot of hard work but it pays off! The darkness does not have to win. First, we must admit that we have a problem and then we can find a path to follow on the road to wellness!

I never thought I could live happily with anxiety! I never thought I would be at peace with my anxiety. Finally, after 29 years of life, I am able to accept myself for who I am! 100%! Anxiety and all!

You can do the same!

Count Your Blessings

Over the past few days I have really been focusing on the numerous blessings in my life. I truly, truly love my job as a teacher, my family is supportive of my anxiety struggles, my dogs are very cuddly and sweet, my friends are fabulous and honest, and my husband is my rock! He was also been promoted to Assistant Principal a few weeks ago, and I am gushing with pride! He is only 30 years old and it is incredible that he was able to earn that position at such a young age! I certainly know how to pick ’em!

This season just reminds me to focus on giving to others and there are so many whom I am thankful for and blessed by. Years ago, I never dreamt I would be this happy and content with my life. Just even 5 months ago! It is incredible how changing my mindset could spark off life changing actions and produce a fruitful life.

Remember to take time and identify your blessings. No matter how small. There is always hope.

ADHD and Me!

ADHD makes me, me!
It fills my brain with creativity,
But also sparks off my anxiety.
My impulsiveness gives me words of great hilarity,
And I’m pretty sure it can annoy my family!
I always tried hard in school but teachers told me I was lazy,
And those comments always made me the most crazy!
Even though not everyone understands ADHD,
Someday the world will know and we will stand united as a great big WE!

Flipping my thoughts

When 3am came rolling around today, I found myself wide awake. I was filled with stress concerning all the things I had accomplish at work over the the next few days! I had to grade papers, write lesson plans, write sub plans, read essays, set up centers, write IEPs/FBAs, emails staff members, meet with students… Oh man, there was so much! My mind was racing and I could feel the anxiety rising up in my chest. It started to feel overwhelming! I couldn’t imagine relaxing, let alone going back to sleep because the only thought that filled my mind was, HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?

The hour rolled by and it was suddenly 4am. Then 4:30. At this time I was getting annoyed because I knew my alarm was going to go off in less than an hour, and I had barely had 5 hours of sleep (I personally prefer a solid 8). As I kept stressing out about time, the stress about my responsibilities began to worsen and I felt like I was stuck in an endless trap! My anxiety was rising and I wasn’t sure I could handle it…

Then suddenly, as my stress reached an all time high, I remembered something I had heard the other day. I heard we should be thankful even during our times of stress. Take our stress and turn it around to be praise. It seemed crazy to me, but instead of thinking “How am I going to do this?” I said, “Thank you, God, for helping me to do this in the future.” I began to thank God for his strength, and focus on the positive instead of the negative, and suddenly I felt lighter. I didn’t feel burdened down by the stress. I felt freed. I knew I would get it all done. And guess what, I did! YAY! God is good!

Try and turn your negative thoughts into positive ones, and see how things in your life start to change.

How best to support my husband?

Currently, my husband is getting his masters degree in educational leadership, and I am so proud of all the hard work he has invested into the program. He goes to work all day, as the Dean of Students at our middle school, and then comes home and works on his homework until he goes to bed. This has been going on for a year and a half.

To add to his stress and success, This past Monday, he began working as the Vice Principal! He is now filling the role of Vice Principal and the Dean of Students, all while he is balancing the final 16 weeks of his Masters. Talk about a crazy schedule!

Obviously with a schedule this jam packed and overloaded, we do not get a lot of quality time. Of course it is incredibly difficult for me, but I have been working on understanding the stress and strain he has been under. I noticed I had been arguing a lot with him about how he doesn’t have time for me, but I need to remember that he is doing all of this work to provide for me and support the dreams and aspirations I have for my future.

My question is, have any of you ever been in this situation? I feel out of my element and I do not know how best to support him. What are your thoughts?

Thank you!

Silence really can be golden

Over the last year and a half, since I have been married, I have learned a very important lesson. Silence can be a great thing! What I mean is that when you’re having an argument with someone it is ok to hold your tongue and go completely silent. I find that when I am upset I tend to say some pretty nasty things. As a writer, I have a plethora of large, descriptively hurtful words that intend to toss around in my moments of frustration. It was invaluable to learn this lesson. I noticed that when I went silent during the times I was most angry, my husband and I were able to find resolution quicker. We didn’t have to clean up the mess that would have ensued had more colorful words.

This lesson can be applied in any area of our lives. When I am upset with a student, colleague or family member, I can practice guarding my words. It is important for us to be able to gather our emotions before we speak. It will save us a lot of heartbreak in the end. 🙂

An Honest Struggle

There are times in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. We either give up or we push onward. It is a difficult decision to make, and the stakes are high. When we pour ourselves into a career, relationship, hobby, or any dream we hold, we open our hearts in a way we never thought possible. Countless hours go into these pursuits, and in those moments of dedication and practice, frustration and roadblocks begin to work against us. In these moments we come face to face with our biggest fear. Failure.

It’s human nature to be afraid of failing. We all set out to be good, if not, great a something. We do not set out to try something new with the intention of failing. The idea that we will succeed drives us onward and ignites our passions. However, life is never easy. It is messy, and hard. It even seems that there are moments where there are more tears than smiles.

Personally, I am currently at this crossroad in my career. I love every moment that I spend in the classroom. My heart sings with joy when I am able to interact with my middle schoolers and show them that learning is fun. Learning is the reason for living! Each day we learn something we didn’t know and without learning we are stagnant. Teaching these lessons sets my soul on fire and I burn with passion! I love being a teacher. However, being a teacher comes with a plethora of outside interference. There are mounds of paper work, workplace politics, adult drama, and endless hoops to jump through. It seems that there are so many things thrown our way that we are distracted from the true reason why we became teachers in the first place. To teach. I find these extra add ons to be utterly frustrating and wearisome. I feel very beaten down by all that is going on and I am feeling low.

It is my crossroad. Do I continue to push onward to pursue my passion? Or do I give up because the distractions outside of the classroom are too much?

As I sit here and contemplate the choices, I find there is only one answer I can choose. And that is to carry on. My students need me, and I am fairly certain that I need them just as much as I need them. I cannot abandon them. They have taught me to push on when times get hard, and I want to do the same for them. I will not give up no matter how hard it becomes. They are my inspiration and I will be here for them no matter what.