Today I drove my brother to the airport at Las Vegas, which is a few hours from where I live, and I had zero anxiety! It was such a smooth and relaxing drive, which I really needed since my time as been devoted to caring for my newborn daughter – She stayed at home with daddy. listened to music and sang as loud as I could! It was fantastic!
Two and a half years ago, On a family trip to Vegas, I was unable to get on a bus because it induced a panic attack. It was a really low moment for me because I had never let my family see how bad my anxiety had gotten. However, shortly after the event, I decided to take a huge step and talk to my doctor about what I can do to help. He started medication, Paxil, and it was the best decision I ever made. I have not had a panic attack since that vacation!
So today felt really special since, considering what I had experienced two years earlier, I was able to relax and drive!
Being a NICU mom is incredibly challenging. It is day 26 for Eisley in the NICU, she is doing great, but as I wake up at 2 am to pump, I wish she was here with me instead of at the hospital. I wish that I was breastfeeding here and comforting her in the middle of the night instead of setting an alarm to pump into bottles for her NICU stockpile. I wish I could hold her and snuggle her right now and not have to wait until my 20 minute car ride later today.
I know that God has a plan for all of this, and I trust Him completely. He knows that my heart yearns for my baby girl to be near me, and he understands the ache. Even though this journey is unbelievably difficult, I know He is here with me every step of the way, holding me up and giving me strength.
This week, I have learned that being happy and at peace doesn’t always mean that my life is going according to plan. Things do not have to be perfect for me to experience joy. In fact, having peace has nothing to do with circumstances! It has everything to do with attitude.
Even when the world around you is crumbling apart, you can experience peace. Happiness. Joy. All you have to do is turn your thoughts around and focus on God.
I challenge you to turn your thoughts when you feel yourself going “dark”. Find the light today. Experience joy even within the chaos.
Last night I posted about how I have been very anxious and negative over the past few weeks, and I proclaimed that this week I am going to only focus on positivity.
It is very important for those of us with anxiety disorders, or any mental disorder, to not dwell on negative feelings. We are prone to feelings of despite, but we can combat them by not allowing them to bounce around in our minds.
Today, I challenge you to look past the darkness and find the light. Even if it is only a sliver. Acknowledge the good in your life and little by little your mind will align with it.
Is my life perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination. I have scrapes, scars and baggage that often slows me down. However, I have discovered that love covers all imperfections. God has given me and incredible family and they have been there during my darkest, and most anxious, days. They have watched me fight the battles of my mental disorders, and have never once left my side. I am loved because of my imperfection. Because I am not defined by the blemishes in my life, but by my heart. Anxiety has not defeated me because my heart is full of joy and peace in the face of my trials.
Purhaps we need to redefine what perfection is? God, and those who truly love us, don’t love us conditionally. They make a decision everyday to continue showering us with love no matter what we do. That sounds pretty perfect to me!
I finally received my essential oils, via mail, earlier this week, and I am excited to dig into this! I have been doing a lot of reading (thru Pintrest) about the positive benefits of the oils and it has been facinating to learn.
Tonight I am diffusing Lavander, Lemon and Peppermint to promote good health and soothe us (husband and dogs included) to sleep!
Have any good oil recipes? Let me know and I would love to try them out!
Since I am a year into truly understanding my anxiety, I have built up a great support group of friends to help me during difficult times. Since school has been back in session, and my new teaching position differs from what I have done in the past, my anxiety has been fluctuating drastically. Up until Monday it was very high because I felt like I was starting over in career. There was so much to do and I felt overwhelmed. Luckily, my friends and family were there to encourage me and build me up. When I was high, anxiously, I let them know I was struggling so they were there to help me.
It is my goal, this year, to be sure I am taking care of myself so my anxiety continues to become more and more manageable. 😀
We are on the edge of a new week. A clean slate to start again. Perhaps your week was filled with anxious and worried thoughts or taken over by negativity. However, it all starts fresh.
The anxiety that I felt last week will not over shadow this week because I choose peace. I choose to see the silver lining. I have been struggling with self doubt in my new teaching position, but I am going to speak positively to myself and build my confidence instead of destroying it. God has given me the ability to do what I do and the freedom to choose either happiness or sadness. I choose happiness. I choose peace. I choose life.