Anxiety hasn’t visited me in awhile

I have realized that I have gone a long stretch of time without being bother by my pesky friend, anxiety! I had a mild bout with her about a week ago but nothing much before that and none since I have been on vacation at my parents house! It feels liberating to be able to go days, almost weeks without it! I am loving the freedom of living in the moment and absorbing the joy and emotions of the atmosphere. With my anxiety, I had no room for any other feeling. Now there is plenty of room to experience an array of emotions I haven’t felt in a long time!

Just in time for Christmas!

The Holiday

Whenever I watch the Holiday, with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, I always feel so romantic and festive! It is such an incredible movie! My mother has NEVER seen it, so I quickly changed that, and we are watching it now!

I highly recommend it!

My family accepts my anxiety!

Yesterday my father and mother spoke open and honestly with me about my anxiety and all that I have been learning about it. It was an amazing conversation because there was zero judgement or negativity. They were curious to learn about what I had discovered and hear all about my blog. My father even suggested that I can use my experiences with anxiety to write a book! (Great idea dad!)

It felt so good to be able to feel my anxiety was accepted by my parents. It’s a difficult subject to discuss and I’m sure they never wanted their daughter to struggle with the disorder. However, the last time they had seen me (in June) I was a complete mess. My anxiety had taken over and I was very sick. I could tell they were really worried about me because they had no idea it has gotten so bad, and it was easy to make it not seem like a big deal when we only get to talk through FaceTime. I don’t think I kept it from them on purpose, but I think deep down I was ashamed. I am learning, however, that it’s not my fault. It’s a chemical issue. Not a personal one. I think my parents are learning that too. It’s not a lack of good parenting, because they are incredible parents. They are learning, along side me, that anxiety is a chemical imbalance.

It felt amazing to be so healthy and be able to show them how much I have grown. They told me they could see a huge difference and they were so proud of me! It is wonderful that these walls have been broken down and we have bonded over something that was meant to destroy us! We are a strong family!

If you are debating telling your family about your mental illness, take the risk! I didn’t think it would be as easy as it was, and had I known they would be so accepting, I would have told them the extent of the problem years ago! I love love LOVE my family!

In my childhood bed!

My childhood bed
Is where I will sleep
While back at home!

I am finally my parents house and snuggled safely into my childhood bed! It is surreal to be back here because it feels like no times has passed. The last time I came here to visit was 18 months ago! Far too long for my liking!

I am going to suck in every moment and enjoy it all!

Silence really can be golden

Over the last year and a half, since I have been married, I have learned a very important lesson. Silence can be a great thing! What I mean is that when you’re having an argument with someone it is ok to hold your tongue and go completely silent. I find that when I am upset I tend to say some pretty nasty things. As a writer, I have a plethora of large, descriptively hurtful words that intend to toss around in my moments of frustration. It was invaluable to learn this lesson. I noticed that when I went silent during the times I was most angry, my husband and I were able to find resolution quicker. We didn’t have to clean up the mess that would have ensued had more colorful words.

This lesson can be applied in any area of our lives. When I am upset with a student, colleague or family member, I can practice guarding my words. It is important for us to be able to gather our emotions before we speak. It will save us a lot of heartbreak in the end. 🙂

It’s strong, but I m stronger

Anxiety is strong,
But I am stronger.
It has a hold of my chest,
And my courage is put to the test.
Sometimes I feel I always live in fear,
But I know that Help is always near.
Tears steam softly down my skin,
This release of stress calms like zen.
I cannot let this beat me,
This disease will be kicked and flee!

Anxiety is strong,
But I am stronger!