I have been absent from WordPress for awhile, and that is because I am no good at keeping secrets! I can finally announce that I AM PREGNANT! 8 weeks! We had our first ultrasound on Thursday and I fell in love with my little blur.
I am very thankful that we have made it to 8 weeks, because, as you know, we suffered a miscarriage in March at 6 weeks. I have been very cautious with my excitement, but I am grateful for every moment!
I have been very sick the last few weeks and I didn’t expect that. I knew morning sickness would happen, but it is all day long! Whenever I feel frustrated with the nausea, I remind myself that the baby is healthy.
Anyway!! I am so happy I am able to let you guys know!
Sometimes life is blissful.
But other times, it is devastating.
But through it all,
As you know, just about a month ago, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. It has been a very turbulent month, emotionally and physically, for the both of us. I have been wrestling with my Faith in trying to understand why all this happened. I am learning that I am not going to figure out why this is all happening. I just need to continue to trust in spite of my lack of understanding.
I have had a difficult time dealing with all the emotions, because grief is not something I have dealt with very much. Anxiety is what I know, and I know how to control it. Sadness is quite different. I know that I have to just cry when I feel like it and learn to express my anger appropriately. I have started working out more and eating healthy. I want to take this time to heal my body internally and externally.
Each day is a journey and I am going to continue staying positive and trusting that everything will someday work out.
I have been reflecting on the last few weeks and all that we have been through with the miscarriage. After looking back, I have realized that I had not dealt with my grief in a healthy manner and it was manifesting itself as anger. I was exploding at everything. No matter how small. The target of most of my rants was my husband because he is the one closest to me. He withstood all of my anger until this weekend. He confronted me and let me know that I had not been dealing with my own pain and I that I needed to face it. He held me in his arms and as soon as I was in his embrace, I let it out. I just cried for over an hour, until I fell asleep with my head in his lap.
After my mini-meltdown I am feeling noticeably different. I still feel the ache of my missing child, but it doesn’t feel as sharp. I am able to talk about what happened instead of pretending I was never pregnant. I also have noticed that I am able to enjoy the day now. Before, my mind was stuck on an endless loop of disappear, but I can now see past that.
This entire situation has been incredibly challenging in all areas in my life, but if I can find any good from it, I would have to say that it has strengthened my marriage. From the moment we heard that we were suffering a miscarriage, we clung to each other. He encouraged me, let me cry, and loved me unconditionally. I know, for a fact, that if I did not have my husband, I would not be able to move on. I am so blessed.
This week I really tried to focus on finding the positive moments within my day and mediating on them. I had some trouble on a few days (grumpy, overworked, and sleep deprived ones) but, overall, I realized I couldn’t have done it without the support of my husband. When I was being whiny and negative, he reminded me that I needed to find something good to anchor my mind on.
I have been thinking about how blessed I am to have found someone who fits me so perfectly. I didn’t find him until I was in my late 20s, and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to find my “one true love”. I actually wasn’t sure that exsisted outside of the movies and books. However, God proved me wrong, and unleaded my inner romantic. I am so happy that I have someone who challenges me to be the best I can be, and encourages me to find the good in every situation.
Here he is on our wedding day! ❤️
Since my overall theme of the day has been “positivity” I wanted to share my ray of light with you. My husband is someone with whom I can always lean on in times of anxiety. He suffers from an anxiety disorder as well (I feel sorry for our future child lol) and he is able to relate to what I am going through. I feel incredibly blessed to have a man who will hold me when I feel anxious, push me outside of my comfort zone and pray with me when I feel weak. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together !
I just want to say that I utterly and completely adore my husband! He is the greatest thing to ever happen to me!
I just felt that he deserved a shoutout ❤️
I want to brag a little about my wonderful my husband! This past week we have spent every moment together (literally, since we have been on Spring Break) and it has been fantastic! For the last several months, our lives have been hectic and chaotic and the last thing that always seemed to be attended to was our relationship. It just seemed like everything else got in the way. However, this week we have made it a point to do nothing else but bonding! We have crafted together, watched hours of Netflix together, cooked together, and laughed hysterically together! I am finding myself falling deeper in love and and feeling like a teenager lost in romance! It has been a fantastic week!