Since I have been pregnant, I have not experienced any of my normal anxiety symptoms. However, upon deeper self reflection, and some conversations with family, I have realized that my anxiety has shifted into constant thoughts of vomiting.
Let me say here that before I got pregnant, I always had an extreme hatred of throwing up. I had a slight anxiety of getting sick in public, although I’m not sure why, because it has never happened.
Fast forward nearly 5 months, and I have been throwing up A LOT! Morning sickness does not just occur during the morning. As a result of this sickness, I have begun to have ruminations about getting sick in public or when out to eat, since I have gotten sick several times while eating at home. I have noticed that I spend A LOT of my day thinking and fearing getting sick outside of my home. I have several trips over the next few weeks (vacation and work trainings) and for the last several weeks I have been stressed out about them. I am afraid to drive in the car, eat at a restaurant, stay in a hotel, and the list goes on. These constant thoughts cycle around in my head any time I have a quiet moment.
God brought to my attention that these constant ruminations were stealing my peace and joy. I have been avoiding socializing or traveling because of the fear of getting/feeling sick. I have desperately wanted to enjoy being pregnant but these thoughts have been getting in my way.
So, today I decided that I am going to renew my mind. I spent a lot of the morning in prayer and began to combat the thoughts that have been taking over. Every time I had a thought about feeling or getting sick, I would say “No, I am fine” or “So what, there is a trashcan over there”. I kept saying positive things to myself instead of negative. I am beginning to feel my mind lighten slightly and the idea of travel doesn’t seem so scary.
With my anxiety, in the past, I have been in a place where I didn’t want to leave the house, and I promised myself I would never get there again. I will not allow these thoughts to control me, or take away the joy of this pregnancy any longer. God has given me this child, and yes I may be getting sick at times, but I will no longer allow that to keep me from experiencing peace. I am taking back control of my mind.