Why are we afraid?

Why are we so afraid of mental health? Why is it such a taboo topic in our society? Maybe it is because it is an illness in the brain and that is something we associate with crazy? Maybe it is because it is something we don’t fully understand and that ignites fear. Or perhaps it is because we feel like it is something we cannot control? 

Whatever the reason may be, a shroud of darkness lingers around whenever mental health is discussed. I, myself, have had those types of connotations about mental health, however, I now see it in a different light since I have been going my own understanding of my anxiety disorder. Yes, mental disorders are scary and can mess with the chemicals that influence our emotions, choices and thoughts. However, I believe it is time for us to stop being afraid of what we don’t understand and work towards gaining knowledge and understanding of the inner workings of mental disorders and mental health!

Reliving pain through words

For the last week I have been staying at my parents house, the house where I grew up, and tonight I came across my old journals. I would write in them every night, sometimes more, to make sure I captured every moment of my day. My husband had looked through them a few years ago and mentioned how sad a few of the journals were sad. I knew he was telling the truth but I couldn’t bring myself to reread them at the time, because the anxiety I felt in those pages still effected me to that day. 

There were three solid years of darkness for me. The pain was in NO WAY caused by a single event or family member. My parents offered me every opportunity in their power and worked hard to make sure my life was comfortable. There are no words to express how grateful I am for having them as my parents. However, no one in my family, myself included, realized I was battling an internal war with anxiety.

 It really started to wear me down and I was terrified because I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that I didn’t feel right. 

Tonight I decided to look at the journals and flip through them. After this year of healing, I was able to separate the woman I am today from the girl I was then. I really was sad and scared. It was almost too difficult to read. 

Tonight I am feeling very blessed that I have come so far with the help of God, my family and my friends. I was in such a dark place and i never imagined I could ever live in a place of light! I can go days without anxiety, when all those years ago I couldn’t even go a minute. 

Remember, there is hope when you feel that there is none. 

Here is a snapshot of an entry I wrote… I have always addressed my journals to God, so that is who I am talking to.    

Here are the three journals that are filled with the worst years of my anxiety. I am so glad that I have come so far! 


Laughing lightens the heart

In the moments when my anxiety has been heaviest, I have discovered that laughter helps me heal. Whether a students makes silly jokes, my husband tries to lighten my burdens, or my dogs are just weird; laughing makes it all seem less painful. 

I have learned that laughing about my struggle with anxiety has truly made the disorder less powerful. Before, I use to keep it hidden in the darkness, but now I can bring it to light and view it with humor. 

Remember to find moments to laugh! You won’t regret it! 



Ok! My goodness! After 12 hours, a wrong terminal, long lines, crying, and missing a flight, my husband and I are FINALLY at our gate! It has been a trying day, anxiety wise for both of us. However, I feel that anxiety did not win! I may have shed some tears, but that is healthy. Once it was out I was much better! 

Cheers to my first Redeye flight! I have my neck pillow ready to go and headphones with soothing music to block out noise! I’ll let you know how it goes! 

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and encouragement today! Love you guys! 


Freedom in acknowledgement 

Over this past year, I have learned that admittingI have an anxiety disorder to others, as well as myself, has created a sense of freedom and lightness within my emotional wellbeing. I have always been ashamed of my struggle because I was under the impression that others would think I was weird or broken in someway. However, I am finding that everyone has a hidden the struggle and people tend to be accepting of them.

I don’t recommend going around telling everyone you meet your secrets, but if the time is right and the relationship is secure, I believe it is ok to open up about your struggles. The support I have gained, and the amount of people who have admitting the same struggles, has been overwhelming and wonderful! 

Remember, you are not alone in your fight! We are in this together! 


I need a positivity reminder!

I am feeling very frustrated and anxious about an upcoming teacher assessment that I have to take. I have taken many teacher tests over the past five years, but this one focuses on middle school social studies I have only taught 1 grade in social studies, however the test is going to cover three grade levels. I have been working my tail off trying to learn all the concepts, but when I take the practice quiz questions there always seems to be a new event that I haven’t yet studied. It is so frustrating! I take the test on Thursday and I am feeling discouraged… 

Am I feeling overly anxious and upset? Yes. I realize that this mindset is not going to help me learn the content. I need to refocus my mind on what I do know, and eventually I will learn it. In the meantime, I need to get my anxiety under control and take back this situation!

Thank you for letting me vent!

The world is bigger than your anxiety

Even though I have a little anxiety today, I am trying to realize that the world is bigger than I am. Beauty is still taking place right in front of me, and if I spend my time locked away because of my fears, I will miss out. Remember this: don’t miss out on the beauty of life just because you’re afraid. Enjoy your life in spite of anxiety. 
I am enjoying the view from my front porch!   

You are not defined by…

you are not defined by your past. No matter what has happened to you, it doesn’t mean that is who you are. You are so much more than the events that compile your past. There is no need for you to carry shame. It is a heavy burden. If you are constantly defining yourself by your shame, try to let it go today. You are talented, wonderful and strong. It is a new day and yesterday is gone. 

Define yourself by the good that you spread in this world! 

Accept stress when it comes

Stress is always going to be apart of our life. Stress is a natural reaction our body undergoes to help encourage us to complete tasks and it, in some ways, acts as a natural motivator. Now, for those of us who suffer from anxiety disorders, small amounts of stress can send us into a tailspin in a quick hurry! 

We have to learn how to effectively combat stress so that it won’t take a physical or emotional toll on our bodies. Think positively when you find yourself in stressful situations and remember that it will get better. 

I am learning how to handle my stress while continuing to remain positive. I have to admit it is incredibly difficult and I have found myself leaning towards the side of self pity, and that is NOT where I want to be. I am going to continue push myself to push onward inspite of the stressful decisions  and situations I face.