No Matter the Depth

No matter the depth of the metaphorical water, God is there with you. You are never alone. Even when it feels like you are.

These are words I must remember to make it through my anxiety. I am not alone.

2 Straight Days!

I have had two straight anxiety free days!! 

Since getting pregnant, I have felt, oddly, emotionally stable. Normally I experience nearly every emotion known to woman kind within three hours of waking up. However, I have been able to stay even-keel for two entire days! (This does NOT include moments when I am hungry.) 

Yay for anxiety free days! 

Happiness during hard times

This week, I have learned that being happy and at peace doesn’t always mean that my life is going according to plan. Things do not have to be perfect for me to experience joy. In fact, having peace has nothing to do with circumstances! It has everything to do with attitude. 

Even when the world around you is crumbling apart, you can experience peace. Happiness. Joy. All you have to do is turn your thoughts around and focus on God. 

I challenge you to turn your thoughts when you feel yourself going “dark”. Find the light today. Experience joy even within the chaos. 

  

Focusing on the Positive

The last two weeks have been very anxious for me (and my husband). A lot of our conversations were fueled by negativity and sprinkled with depression. However, dwelling on negative things is not going to help us heal our anxieties or move our lives in a positive direction. 

This week, let’s all focus on finding the positive. Even if it is tiny or even minuscule. Finding those tiny moments of happiness and joy will make a huge difference. 

I challenge you to be positive! If you take the challenge, I promise your life will start to change! 

Anxiety got the best of us

On this special day, anxiety got the best of us. Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary with my incredible husband. It has been more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. To celebrate we are spending a few nights in Las Vegas! 

However, the last several months my husband has had an incredible amount of anxiety and today he had a really hard time whenever we left our hotel room. He had a full panic attack while standing in line for one of the museums we were going to visit. If we hadn’t paid for the tickets already, I don’t think he would have been able to go. I know exactly how he feels because I have been there. I have had panic attacks while standing in line, leading a meeting, teaching class, and while driving the car. The strange thing about all of this is, I have never been on the other side of the situation before. 

It is absolutely horrible to watch my husband deteriorate right before my eyes while I stand by and do nothing. For the last few months, I have tried and tried to carry his burden for him because I don’t want him to be in the place I was a year and a half ago. I feel so heavy and worn out. I honestly feel like someone is pushing down on my shoulders and I am fighting to stay upright. He is going to the dr on Wednesday, so that is good, but I feel completely helpless and lost. 

Overall, there were many moments of anxiety for both of us today, however, it all ended well. I hope tomorrow brings less anxiety but if it comes our way, we will fight back with prayer and positivity. 

When anxious

Take a breath.

Remember, you are normal.

It will all be ok. 

And, never ever give up. 
  

Anxious week

This week my anxiety was unusually high due to multiple stresses in my personal and work life. The first being the decision on whether or not I am going to stay on my anxiety medication while pregnant or not. I spent a lot of time ruminating on it, which wasn’t helpful, and as a result I became incredibly anxious for several days. Normally I am able to except the fact that I will struggle with anxiety my entire life, however, this week it has made me incredibly angry. I just wished that I didn’t have to make the decision and I was just “normal” and only had to worry about getting morning sickness. Not spiraling into panic attacks every day. 

The other reason why I was anxious was because the standard I was teaching in my 7th grade language arts class was incredibly difficult. My students struggled to learn it, however, when test day came around, they did an excellent job! I had no reason to be anxious on that front! They are a great group! YAY! 

This weekend has allowed me a chance to step back from all the stress and just relax. I have been talking a lot with my husband and it feels good to know that he is here to support me – no matter what. 

I just need to remember that God is with me and He will take care of me. I need to trust that I will make the right decision and give the rest to Him.

If you are struggling with anxiety, just remember that it is ok. Take some time for yourself to refocus and find relaxation. Eventually it will pass. 

The not so perfect life

Is my life perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination. I have scrapes, scars and baggage that often slows me down. However, I have discovered that love covers all imperfections. God has given me and incredible family and they have been there during my darkest, and most anxious, days. They have watched me fight the battles of my mental disorders, and have never once left my side. I am loved because of my imperfection. Because I am not defined by the blemishes in my life, but by my heart. Anxiety has not defeated me because my heart is full of joy and peace in the face of my trials. 

Purhaps we need to redefine what perfection is? God, and those who truly love us, don’t love us conditionally. They make a decision everyday to continue showering us with love no matter what we do. That sounds pretty perfect to me!

Back to normal

Thank you again for all your kind words! Yesterday was such an off day, anxiety wise. However, day I am feeling much better and I had a great day with my students. 

It is nice that I am able to only have one bad day instead of one year. In the past it has taken me weeks or months to come Down from anxiety. I feel blessed to be at the point where I am now: able to quickly take back control. 

In spite of how I feel

I feel I am being constantly reminded that I must move forward with positivity in spite of my feelings. Over the last few weeks I have felt defeated by stress and anxiety (mild), but God has been reminding me that feeling emotions is ok. It’s ok to be stressed, anxious, mad, and furious, but it is NOT OK to let those emotions control us and the way we live our lives. 

Emotions are normal and healthy. If we suppress them, we can run into problems both mentally and physically. We need to find a healthy way to express them and be able to move forward afterwards. It’s not alright for me to feel overwhelmed and instantly give up. However, I can be overwhelmed but express my feeling to those around me so I can continue to move forward. 

It is important for us to not beat ourselves up when we get upset or sad. It’s normal. It’s alright. Just don’t let it take over.