Much better 

I am humbled by the outpour of love I received from you all yesterday in regards to my rough day. You are all truly incredible and have my me feel less “crazy” by sharing your stories and struggles with me, and building me up when I am down. 

Today was much better. There were a few bumpy moments through the day, but I got through them with only a moment of anxiety! My students were fantastic and I am lucky to have kids who go with the flow! They are a great bunch of kiddos! 

I know this year is going to be an adjustment, and I am sure more rough days are in my future. However, I know that I have to keep my eyes set forward and remember to stay positive. When the anxiety resurfaces, I will be sure to have my safeguards in place so I am cope and not let it ruin my day! 

Thank you again for all the love you gave me just when I needed it! ❤️

A new week begins

We are on the edge of a new week. A clean slate to start again. Perhaps your week was filled with anxious and worried thoughts or taken over by negativity. However, it all starts fresh. 

The anxiety that I felt last week will not over shadow this week because I choose peace. I choose to see the silver lining. I have been struggling with self doubt in my new teaching position, but I am going to speak positively to myself and build my confidence instead of destroying it. God has given me the ability to do what I do and the freedom to choose either happiness or sadness. I choose happiness. I choose peace. I choose life. 

My anxiety blessing

Today I am reminded of why my anxiety is my blessing. My gift. As many of you know, I am a middle school teacher who is enjoying the last few days of summer break, however, I get a text from my principal asking if I can come in today and meet with a student. This student has an anxiety disorder and needs to meet her teachers to help ease her struggles. 

I feel so blessed that I understand this child’s struggle and will be able to help her find ways to cope with it this year. I don’t think many teachers understand the pain of anxiety, especially in middle school, unless they have had it. I feel privileged to be able to draw on my own experiences to be able to help. 🙂 

A better me

Over this past year I have written a lot about the many years  I spent fighting with myself, and God, about my anxiety. I hated it. Felt weakened by it, and was angry I had been “cursed” with such a burden. I was even more upset by the fact that He never took it away. I spent years trying to find out what I had done wrong and as a result my suffering felt endless.

However, this year I have finally realized that it is not a curse. It is a true blessing. A blessing that I never noticed until now. I am able to use it to help those around me who suffer from the same affliction. I have become more passionate. More loving. More understanding. And more thankful because of my anxiety. I feel that I have become a better me because of it. Anxiety is not who I am, but it will always be apart of who I am. It is something I have embraced because I must first love myself before I can truly love those around me.

I am not saying that anxiety is easy, because it is not. I have very painful days, but in those moments I try to remember that I will overcome. I am stronger. I am better. I have finally been able to embrace the strength that God has given me to overcome! 

Anxiety doesn’t mean you are weak 

I struggled for years with the idea that my anxiety disorder made me a weak person. A bad Christian. A shameful woman. I felt I had done something wrong and needed to be forgiven day after day for it to be alright. However, no amount of prayer, conversation or willingness would make it disappear. I began to feel like a failure. As if God didn’t and couldn’t love me, and I didn’t love Him, which I desperately did. 

Many times throughout scripture, it says to cast your cares. Do not worry. Be anxious for nothing. Since I was unable to cast my cares it made me a bad Christian. Right? Wrong! My disorder has NOTHING to do with my faith or my worthiness as a woman.

 I spent many years feeling guilty and ashamed, but I now see that it was in vain. The chemicals in my brain do not define me! The decision to love Christ and those around me cannot be judged on the fact that I carry the burden of an anxiety disorder. I am so much more than that. 

God uses everything we experience in our lives to help others, and my anxiousness is no exception. Now that I have fully accepted it as a part of who I am (just a small part not all of who I am) I am finally able to see how He has used it as a blessing. 

A part of me is sad that I felt guilty for so many years, however I believe I am not alone in this struggle. Many of us feel ashamed of our mental disorders because some small part of our mind thinks we did something wrong. I am here to tell you that you have done nothing wrong. You are perfect! In fact, you are stronger because of your disorder! Embrace yourself for all that you are! 

Look Beyond the Bad 

There are always going to be frightening things happening around us ranging from family crisis all the way to ecomomic scandal and war. However, many of these events are beyond our control. As scary as it seems, there is little we can do to change that fact. However, there is something we can control. Our minds. Our perspectives. Our actions. We can control the way we are effected by personal and world events.

I believe we need to keep our minds permanently focused on the positive and help those around us do the same. When we think about all the bad that is going on around us it is easy to become afraid. Afraid to live our lives to the fullest. Afraid to step beyond our comfort zones. But if we continuethis mindset we will miss the good things in life. There are so many wonderful things going on around us but they are often overshadowed by the bad. We must continue to look for these events and hold them closely to our hearts. We must choose to stay focused on positivity.

Visiting old memories

Today I took my husband to visit my grandmothers homes. He saw the house in town where my father grew up and the farm where my mom grew up. I felt so many memories return when I visited. I hadn’t been there in almost 5 years! It was awesome to visit! We had a fantastic time! 

It was also wonderful because I had ZERO anxiety today! YAY! 

Change our thinking

Perhaps we should change the way we think about our hardships. Instead of seeing them as something that holds us back, I say that we view them as what catapults us into our futures. Our struggles are what shape us into the people we are today. Would like be infinitely better without hardship? Yes. A thousand times, yes! However, to get a beautiful photograph, it must first be a negatice. It then goes through the long process of development, and only after that can it be turned into a photograph. 

This is a fantastic metaphor for our lives. We will always face hard times, however, to overcome them we must keep the bigger picture in mind. The pain we feel now, during development, is NOT the end result! It is only refining us to become what we are created to be! To be strong and courageous and a light to those around us. 

Remember that when you experience pain, you are growing into the person you are meant to be! 

Near panic

my husband and I ended up missing our flight because we ended up in the wrong terminal… It was extremely frustrating because it felt like everything was working against us. While we were waiting to check our bags, I started crying in front of everyone. I am glad the people at the airport are use to seeing people doing weird things, because no one gave me a second look. My husband was incredibly wonderful because he just took me into his arms and held me. 

Looking at it now, I think it all worked out and my husband and I got to have a little adventure! I am trying to stay positive and enjoy our time together. I am just happy that I get to see my family tomorrow, and spend quality time with my husband. 

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for our safe travel!