Anxiety Squeezes

Anxiety squeezes

My chest

My heart

My body.

But

I

Can’t

Let

It

Win!

People Can Give Anxiety!

I love being a social person, but when you mix my extrovert tendencies with my anxiety, you get a bad reaction! People are always going to  have conflicts, big and small, and when you have anxiety being involved in conflict can be overwhelming. This has been happening to me over the last few weeks, and it has caused my anxiety to really spike. Several of my friends have recently had a falling out, and just being around the situation has been horrible.

Even though I am not directly involved, it’s hard to be friends with people who are mad at each other. I constantly find myself wondering if they are thinking whose side I am on and then I create scenes in my head of complete drama, which just makes everything worse.

I wish that I didn’t have an overly critical mind and I could just let things go. I could just be confident and not be bothered by the thoughts and actions of those around me. Unfortunately, that is not how I was created.

I am trying my best to continually stay in prayer to redirect my anxious thoughts and allow God to lead me to a place of peace. It is so strange that I am still dealing with these times of situations in my 30s, but such is life. All I can do is work on staying focused on God and positivity.

Why do I worry?

Why do I worry what people think?

There is nothing I can do to change it.

Why does my mind go in circles?

I just relieve the same moment.

Why can’t I be confident all the time?

I need to trust myself and be strong.

It’s time I let it all go.

Give to God what I cannot control.

I cannot take up space in my mind.

I give it all to God.

Anti-Anxiety

Here is to Day Two of bible quotes to read when experiencing anxiety. Today’s verse is actually difficult for me. It says “Don’t worry about anything .” Anything?! Sometimes that doesn’t even seem possible.

Now, I want to be clear. Anxiety disorders (which I have) are completely different than regular worrying and stress. Those of us who suffer from the disorder have limited control over when or how the anxiety will manifest. It is not possible to ever go without anxiety. HOWEVER! It IS possible to control our response to anxiety. We can choose to live through it. To push forward, even when it seems hopeless. And it’s ok to have days when you feel like you’re losing. In fact, you will have those days. Just remember that on the other side of pain, is peace. God will bring you through.

Cling tighter to him in those dark moments. He knows the pain. He knows everything about your anxiety.

So, for those of us with disorders, who experience frequent anxiety, the way we live out “don’t worry about anything” is by running to God and redirecting our thoughts to Him in combat. Remember you won’t always feel this way. It will get better.

An Anxious Mother

Having an anxiety disorder is difficult. Sprinkle on being a MOM with an anxiety disorder; well that’s an entirely new story! I have been working to navigate my anxiety since my beautiful daughter was born 8 months ago. It has been under control, for the most part, but there are times when it isn’t. Those are the rough times. Extra so now that I have Eisley.

There are SO many things to worrry about as a parent! I had no idea! Pretty much everything is a hazard. Yesterday I gave her some remnants of the peanut I had eaten off my finger, and afterwards I was terrified she was going to have an allergic reaction! (She didn’t by the way. She was fine!)

I try not to think about what could go wrong, or what could hurt her, too much. But it’s hard not to. When I find myself lost in panic, I turn my thoughts into prayers, and do my best to let God take it. Easier said than done, but it is a work in progress.

As of now, my anxiety is low and I have been soaking up the joy of the weekend. It is monsoon season here in Arizona, and it rained all day! It was amazing!

I am working on living in the moment with my husband and daughter, and I am treasuring the blessings they both bring me each day. Even though anxiety sucks, I refuse to let it steal anymore time from me! I will carry on in spite of it! God gives me the strength to defeat it!

Long time!!

It has been way too long since I have been on WordPress! So many things have been going on since my last post! School (work) has started up again and I have hit the ground running! My students this year are great, so far, and I am loving this year. I feel like I am more prepared with my lessons, and since I was so sick last year, while I was pregnant, this year I am feeling so much more energetic! I am really looking forward to seeing what this school year brings.

My daughter is doing really well! If you haven’t read any of my previous posts, my daughter was born in December, at 30 weeks. We spent 50 days in the NICU and we have been home since the end of February. The doctor said that she will not experience any long term effects of her prematurity! YAY! The only thing we are working on right now is trying to bulk her up! She weighs 12 pounds 3 ounces now, which is huge compared to her 2 pounds 14 ounces. She is such an incredible little human being! Last week she started rolling over from her back to her tummy! YAY! I am so proud of her and how she has come over the last few months.

My anxiety has been been under control over the last few months, and I am so thankful. I still have days where it feels so heavy, and uncomfortable, but I am able through it. My husband has also been very supportive whenever my anxiety has shown up. He will remind me how strong I am, and let me know how it will pass.

Well, that is my life in a quick few paragraphs! I am going to try and commit to writing more often, because I totally miss you guys! Blogging is so therapeutic!

Take THAT Anxiety!

My day started out with a bit of unexplained anxiety, which annoyed me greatly. As many of you know, anxiety comes around for no reasons a lot of the time, which is what makes it so frustrating! However, I didn’t let it ruin my day! I went to the gym, swam in my pool, and by the time the day was over I realized I had beaten the anxiety, and had a wonderful day! 

I praise God for helping me to get to this point because I haven’t always been able to beat anxiety in less than a day. Sometimes it took months. 

If you are in the fight with anxiety, don’t give up. You can beat it. 

A break from Anxiety

I have tried to not dwell on my anxiety about going back to work after my maternity leave, and just focus on my daughter these last few days. Just looking at her reminds me of how incredible God is. How far he has carried us over the last four months. I will get through going back to work. God gives me the strength to do it, even when I feel like I can’t. He is my strength. 

Anxiety will always be my battle, but it doesn’t always have to win. I choose to take back my mind. It cannot steal anymore time away from me. 

A Touch of Anxiety – How Do You Deal?

Today, I experienced a little bit of anxiety. The most annoying part of the experience was that I didn’t know why I was anxious. That is the worst! It sucks when I can’t identify the cause, because I feel like I can’t actively work to make it better. However, I didn’t let it ruin my day. I snuggled my baby, worked out, got my nails done, had dinner with my husband, and watched Kong: Skull Island (which was pretty good!) I still have a touch of anxiety, about a 1 out of 10, but I did my best to push past it and not let it control me. 

What are some ways you have pushed past your anxiety? 

Victorious!

Today I drove  my brother to the airport at  Las Vegas, which is a few hours from where I live, and I had zero anxiety! It was such a smooth and relaxing drive, which I really needed since my time as been devoted to caring for my newborn daughter – She stayed at home with daddy. listened to music and sang as loud as I could! It was fantastic! 

Two and a half years ago, On a family trip to Vegas, I was unable to get on a bus because it induced a panic attack. It was a really low moment for me because I had never let my family see how bad my anxiety had gotten. However, shortly after the event, I decided to take a huge step and talk to my doctor about what I can do to help. He started medication, Paxil, and it was the best decision I ever made. I have not had a panic attack since that vacation! 

So today felt really special since, considering what I had experienced two years earlier, I was able to relax and drive! 

Yay for small victories!