Today, Anxiety did not win! 

As I posted yesterday, I have had ruminations and reoccurring thoughts about getting sick in public A LOT since I have gotten pregnant. To summarize yesterday’s post, these thoughts have slowly taken over my thought patterns and have been keeping me from doing much outside of work or home. 

So today, my husband and I went to Las Vegas (about an hour from our home) to pick up my brother at the airport. Over the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of my thought energy on being nervous about the trip due to my frequent “morning” sickness. I didn’t want to get sick while on the road, or when I was trying to walk around the city. However, over the last few days, I have spent a lot of time in prayer working to renew my mind, break down these thoughts and replace them with positive ones. I no longer want to be controlled by my anxiety.

I am happy to report that I did not have any anxiety today on our trip! I am beyond thrilled and I am I immensely proud of myself for getting outside my pregnancy comfort zone! I had an amazing day! 

Trying to stay the course…

As you know, just about a month ago, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. It has been a very turbulent month, emotionally and physically, for the both of us. I have been wrestling with my Faith in trying to understand why all this happened. I am learning that I am not going to figure out why this is all happening. I just need to continue to trust in spite of my lack of understanding.

I have had a difficult time dealing with all the emotions, because grief is not something I have dealt with very much. Anxiety is what I know, and I know how to control it. Sadness is quite different. I know that I have to just cry when I feel like it and learn to express my anger appropriately. I have started working out more and eating healthy. I want to take this time to heal my body internally and externally.

Each day is a journey and I am going to continue staying positive and trusting that everything will someday work out.

Changing my thoughts

My anxiety has taken over much of my “mind space” lately and it is my goal to actively work to change that. Over the years, I have learned that whatever my mind is dwelling on, I become. So, I have been a very snippy, irritably and anxious person. 

To begin changing my thoughts, I started my day with quiet time to reflect on God. I have been neglecting reflection time, and I believe it is important to quiet our minds and have them alined with God. 

Today, each time I have a negative thought, I am going to combat it with a positive one.

Have any of you had to retrain your minds to be positive? What did you do? 

Focusing on the Positive

The last two weeks have been very anxious for me (and my husband). A lot of our conversations were fueled by negativity and sprinkled with depression. However, dwelling on negative things is not going to help us heal our anxieties or move our lives in a positive direction. 

This week, let’s all focus on finding the positive. Even if it is tiny or even minuscule. Finding those tiny moments of happiness and joy will make a huge difference. 

I challenge you to be positive! If you take the challenge, I promise your life will start to change! 

It will not win

It wraps tightly around my chest, threatening to overwhelm me. 

But I will not let it win!

A feeling of hopelessness follows and I find myself lost in a fog of self pity.

But I will not let it win!

Anxiety threatens my happiness everyday and wants me shrink away in fear.

But I will not let it win!

Yet, through the darkness I emerge stronger and more courageous than before,

Because I did not let it win. 

Anxiety got the best of us 

On this special day, anxiety got the best of us. Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary with my incredible husband. It has been more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. To celebrate we are spending a few nights in Las Vegas! 

However, the last several months my husband has had an incredible amount of anxiety and today he had a really hard time whenever we left our hotel room. He had a full panic attack while standing in line for one of the museums we were going to visit. If we hadn’t paid for the tickets already, I don’t think he would have been able to go. I know exactly how he feels because I have been there. I have had panic attacks while standing in line, leading a meeting, teaching class, and while driving the car. The strange thing about all of this is, I have never been on the other side of the situation before. 

It is absolutely horrible to watch my husband deteriorate right before my eyes while I stand by and do nothing. For the last few months, I have tried and tried to carry his burden for him because I don’t want him to be in the place I was a year and a half ago. I feel so heavy and worn out. I honestly feel like someone is pushing down on my shoulders and I am fighting to stay upright. He is going to the dr on Wednesday, so that is good, but I feel completely helpless and lost. 

Overall, there were many moments of anxiety for both of us today, however, it all ended well. I hope tomorrow brings less anxiety but if it comes our way, we will fight back with prayer and positivity. 

Anxious week 

This week my anxiety was unusually high due to multiple stresses in my personal and work life. The first being the decision on whether or not I am going to stay on my anxiety medication while pregnant or not. I spent a lot of time ruminating on it, which wasn’t helpful, and as a result I became incredibly anxious for several days. Normally I am able to except the fact that I will struggle with anxiety my entire life, however, this week it has made me incredibly angry. I just wished that I didn’t have to make the decision and I was just “normal” and only had to worry about getting morning sickness. Not spiraling into panic attacks every day. 

The other reason why I was anxious was because the standard I was teaching in my 7th grade language arts class was incredibly difficult. My students struggled to learn it, however, when test day came around, they did an excellent job! I had no reason to be anxious on that front! They are a great group! YAY! 

This weekend has allowed me a chance to step back from all the stress and just relax. I have been talking a lot with my husband and it feels good to know that he is here to support me – no matter what. 

I just need to remember that God is with me and He will take care of me. I need to trust that I will make the right decision and give the rest to Him.

If you are struggling with anxiety, just remember that it is ok. Take some time for yourself to refocus and find relaxation. Eventually it will pass. 

Oh Anxiety…what would I do without you?

As many of you know, I have been fighting against my anxiety this entire week, and today was the first day it was manageable! I finally was able to get back in the right frame of mine and feel halfway normal again. I spent some time alone in my bedroom (while my husband fell asleep on the couch) and just worked on changing my negative thoughts to positive ones. I also spent time in prayer to help refocus my mind. 

Today my students were on track and positive. And I was able to handle negative situations without feeling overwhelmed. I felt calm and collected all day! Very limited anxiety! YAY! 

However, I am nervous about this weekend, because my anxiety medication ran out today and I didn’t realize I needed to have Doctor permission to refill. I kept putting refilling it off, So I am now going to go two to three days without it. Hoestly, I am incredibly worried about it because I’m not a big fan of cold turkey-ing meds. What I am trying to focus on is that I only take 20 mg, which is low, and since it is so low, I won’t have any side effects. If you could spare a moment, say a prayer for strength for me to remain positive.

Thank you to all of you for your kind comments this week. They really helped me not feel alone and build strength to push forward! 

Love you all!