The flow of feelings
Takes over my thoughts.
Sometimes it feels too much
With emotions so strong.
Love.
Fear.
Protectiveness.
Joy.
These all eb and flow
Through my mind
As I think of You.
My beautiful child.
Only you can ignite
Such strong emotions.
To fiercely love you
Every moment of the day.
And to destroy anything
That comes against you.
How crazy it is to be a mom.
But call me crazy!
I don’t want
Anything
Else.
It’s the special time of day
That makes you feel tingly in a way.
It’s the time when everything is still
And there is a break from screams that are so shrill!
It’s the long awaited nap time
Where I can relax and feel sublime!
I love my daughter, so don’t you worry
But she is asleep now, so I better scurry!
It has been awhile since my last post, and I apologize! Things have been so crazy. Life certainly changes after having a child! I use to blog every night before bed. It was my favorite time of day! However, this habit has been replaced with giving a bubble bath, and getting warm cuddles before putting my beautiful daughter down for the night.
Recently, I have been reflecting on the changes I have experienced since Eisley came into the world. Just thinking about how my focus and energy output have realigned and how I am less self-focused than before.
Even though I am exhausted after work, I still make it a priority to sit on the ground and play with Eisley. I may be starving, but I make sure she has dinner before in eat my own. Instead of Netflix Binging I spend hours playing with toys and playing make believe.
Knowing now what sacrifices I would make as a mother, I wouldn’t change a thing! Yes, I do miss watching hours of television without being interrupted (or feeling guilty), and being able to eat a slice of pizza without being disturbed, BUT hearing my daughter laugh, and seeing her grow far outweighs those momentary pleasures. She is everything.
I never fully understood what parents meant when they said their child’s happiness means everything, but now I know. Those are not just words, they are powerful. My world has shifted to ensure that she has joy and love in her life. It’s no longer about me, and what I want. It is about her, and what she wants (without spoiling her too much, of course!)
I love being a mom!! It’s the greatest decision I have ever made. ❤️
Cuddles are the best
I love our family time
Snuggle, snuggle, snug!
God gave me an incredible gift that helps keep my anxiety at bay. That gift is my beautiful daughter. Since she has been born I have been able to fight better against my own thoughts and anxieties. She reminds me of the miracles God has done in my life. She, herself, is a miracle.
If you haven’t read my blog before, here is a quick rundown of her birth story. She was born 10 weeks early due to my development of severe preeclampsia. She stayed in the NICU for 50 days, and is completely perfect and wonderful! We just had a developmental check this past weekend, and she has caught up in her gross motor skills, and is slightly advanced in her play and language skills!
The experience of her early birth was terrifying, but I had a peace inside of me. A peace that told me God was taking care of everything. Even when it seemed like He wasn’t there, I knew in my heart that He was. During those turbulent days, I had ZERO anxiety! Every time I look at her I see God’s Hand, and my anxiety is erased.
Thank you God, for my perfect baby. I love being a mother to her!
These little eyes stole my heart,
From them I will never part!
This little girl brings me great joy,
Now the rest of my life, I will completely enjoy!
It has been way too long since I have been on WordPress! So many things have been going on since my last post! School (work) has started up again and I have hit the ground running! My students this year are great, so far, and I am loving this year. I feel like I am more prepared with my lessons, and since I was so sick last year, while I was pregnant, this year I am feeling so much more energetic! I am really looking forward to seeing what this school year brings.
My daughter is doing really well! If you haven’t read any of my previous posts, my daughter was born in December, at 30 weeks. We spent 50 days in the NICU and we have been home since the end of February. The doctor said that she will not experience any long term effects of her prematurity! YAY! The only thing we are working on right now is trying to bulk her up! She weighs 12 pounds 3 ounces now, which is huge compared to her 2 pounds 14 ounces. She is such an incredible little human being! Last week she started rolling over from her back to her tummy! YAY! I am so proud of her and how she has come over the last few months.
My anxiety has been been under control over the last few months, and I am so thankful. I still have days where it feels so heavy, and uncomfortable, but I am able through it. My husband has also been very supportive whenever my anxiety has shown up. He will remind me how strong I am, and let me know how it will pass.
Well, that is my life in a quick few paragraphs! I am going to try and commit to writing more often, because I totally miss you guys! Blogging is so therapeutic!
Yesterday we took my daughter to get her developmental follow up exam that she needed after her stay in the NICU.
After our time with the doctor, the doctor said our daughter is on target cognatively and doing really well on her language development. We Also learned that, She is a month delayed on her gross motor skills. At first I was concerned to hear that, because no one wants to hear their child has a delay, however, the doctor said that we will be able to help her catch up by doing more tummy time, and other excersises that help her limber up.
The only major concern the doctor had was our daughter’s weight. Her weight has dropped off the scale, so we are going to begin using mostly formula to help bulk her up. The doctor said that she is hopeful that our daughter will be able to put on the weight she needs.
I have been anxious about the exam over the last few months, because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Although, she needs to gain more weight, and it is a concern at this time, I feel that the overall feel of the exam was positive. The doctor was very happy with how she was coming along overall and said we are a great family.
Please send prayers for her development of her gross motor skills and her weight gain journey. Thank you for all your love and support!
Becoming a new parent has come with many new emotions I never expected to experience. Everything feels bigger. Deeper. More intense. These over the top emotions have completely taken me by surprise.
Right now, as I have written about a few times over the last few weeks, I am experiencing a high level of anxiety about going back to work. Not because I don’t enjoy my job, because I love my job, but because I am anxious about leaving my daughter all day. Right now I can hold her when she cries, play with her, snuggle, and give her huge kisses all day long. But when I go back, I won’t be able to do those things when I want. I love the routine we have together. It’s simple – just feeding, sleeping, diaper changing, and cuddling- but I adore it. I am just going to miss it all.
I know that part of my anxiety to leave her is because she is a preemie. She was born 10 weeks early, due to my severe preeclampsia, and spent 50 days in the NICU before she was able to come home. Despite all of the trauma she went through in those first 50 days, she is healthy and on target! She was healthy her entire stay in the NICU. She just needed time to grow.
We have been through so much together and have only spent 1 day apart in her four months of life. I am not sure how to deal with these emotions. I don’t want to be anxious about going back to a job that I love. I am actively working on changing my mindset, but I am having a difficult time.
Have any of you had similar situations about going back to work after a baby?
I hope you all had a great Easter, I know I did! Yesterday’s post talked about how my daughter had her first Easter service experience, and today she had her actual first Easter. It was very low key, which was nice. My husband and I made dinner (ham, potatoe skins and pecan pie) and we watched an old classic Disney movie that I loved as a kid – Blackbeard’s Ghost.
Before we put our daughter to bed, we read the story of Easter to her, and it was such a beautiful moment. It felt so incredible to be sharing the story of The resurrection with her, even though she doesn’t get it yet.
I am loving experiencing first holidays with her and making new traditions as a family.
What are some of your traditions?
The Persistent Platypus 