Long time!!

It has been way too long since I have been on WordPress! So many things have been going on since my last post! School (work) has started up again and I have hit the ground running! My students this year are great, so far, and I am loving this year. I feel like I am more prepared with my lessons, and since I was so sick last year, while I was pregnant, this year I am feeling so much more energetic! I am really looking forward to seeing what this school year brings.

My daughter is doing really well! If you haven’t read any of my previous posts, my daughter was born in December, at 30 weeks. We spent 50 days in the NICU and we have been home since the end of February. The doctor said that she will not experience any long term effects of her prematurity! YAY! The only thing we are working on right now is trying to bulk her up! She weighs 12 pounds 3 ounces now, which is huge compared to her 2 pounds 14 ounces. She is such an incredible little human being! Last week she started rolling over from her back to her tummy! YAY! I am so proud of her and how she has come over the last few months.

My anxiety has been been under control over the last few months, and I am so thankful. I still have days where it feels so heavy, and uncomfortable, but I am able through it. My husband has also been very supportive whenever my anxiety has shown up. He will remind me how strong I am, and let me know how it will pass.

Well, that is my life in a quick few paragraphs! I am going to try and commit to writing more often, because I totally miss you guys! Blogging is so therapeutic!

Developmental Assessment 

Yesterday we took my daughter to get her developmental follow up exam that she needed after her stay in the NICU. 

After our time with the doctor, the doctor said our daughter is on target cognatively and doing really well on her language development. We Also learned that, She is a month delayed on her gross motor skills. At first I was concerned to hear that, because no one wants to hear their child has a delay, however, the doctor said that we will be able to help her catch up by doing more tummy time, and other excersises that help her limber up. 

The only major concern the doctor had was our daughter’s weight. Her weight has dropped off the scale, so we are going to begin using mostly formula to help bulk her up. The doctor said that she is hopeful that our daughter will be able to put on the weight she needs. 

I have been anxious about the exam over the last few months, because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Although, she needs to gain more weight, and it is a concern at this time, I feel that the overall feel of the exam was positive. The doctor was very happy with how she was coming along overall and said we are a great family. 

Please send prayers for her development of her gross motor skills and her weight gain journey. Thank you for all your love and support! 

Continued Anxiety

Becoming a new parent has come with many new emotions I never expected to experience. Everything feels bigger. Deeper. More intense. These over the top emotions have  completely taken me by surprise. 

Right now, as I have written about a few times over the last few weeks, I am experiencing a high level of anxiety about going back to work. Not because I don’t enjoy my job, because I love my job, but because I am anxious about leaving my daughter all day. Right now I can hold her when she cries, play with her, snuggle, and give her huge kisses all day long. But when I go back, I won’t be able to do those things when I want. I love the routine we have together. It’s simple – just feeding, sleeping, diaper changing, and cuddling- but I adore it. I am just going to miss it all. 

I know that part of my anxiety to leave her is because she is a preemie. She was born 10 weeks early, due to my severe preeclampsia, and spent 50 days in the NICU before she was able to come home. Despite all of the trauma she went through in those first 50 days, she is healthy and on target! She was healthy her entire stay in the NICU. She just needed time to grow. 

We have been through so much together and have only spent 1 day apart in her four months of life. I am not sure how to deal with these emotions. I don’t want to be anxious about going back to a job that I love. I am actively working on changing my mindset, but I am having a difficult time. 

Have any of you had similar situations about going back to work after a baby?

Happy Easter to All!

I hope you all had a great Easter, I know I did! Yesterday’s post talked about how my daughter had her first Easter service experience, and today she had her actual first Easter. It was very low key, which was nice. My husband and I made dinner (ham, potatoe skins and pecan pie) and we watched an old classic Disney movie that I loved as a kid – Blackbeard’s Ghost. 

Before we put our daughter to bed, we read the story of Easter to her, and it was such a beautiful moment. It felt so incredible to be sharing the story of The resurrection with her, even though she doesn’t get it yet. 

I am loving experiencing first holidays with her and making new traditions as a family. 

What are some of your traditions? 

How am I a Mom?!

My Heart is So Full

My daughter is beautiful

I am now a MOM!!

 

I am still blown away by the fact that I am a mom now. It is such an incredible feeling too look at that beautiful baby girl and know that she is the creation of me and my husband. She has been so strong, and is such a fighter. She has been on in the NICU for 29 days today, and is getting closer to going home!

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Going well!

If you were able to read my last post, on Dec 23 my baby girl – Eisley – arrived 10 weeks early. She has been doing really well. She is breathing on her own for the last few weeks, has been putting on weight and then yesterday she had the temperature in her incubator bed. We were able to put clothes on for the first time, and it was such an exciting moment. She wasn’t overly excited about wearing clothes, but once she was snuggled in, she settled down.

Life in the NICU is always on the edge of uncertainty. In the back of my mind, I am always afraid that things are going to go back down again. I appreciate the nurses being so open and willing to answer questions that we have. That really helps with the anxiety that constantly hovers around the NICU.

What helps me the most is relying on God. I have been learning that there is nothing that I can control. Prayer is what brings me comfort. I trust that God has a plan is strengthening me as a woman and a mother as he continues to help my baby girl grow and develop.

My baby girl is so strong and she is my hero! I love holding her in my arms and listening to her little coos. I love her with all of my heart.

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Thank You

I truly want to thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your condolences and prayers that have been offered over the last few days. I have been overwhelmed by the love and support you have all showered on me and my husband. So many of you have shared your stories of miscarriage and loss, and my heart goes out to each one of you. However, I truly thank you all for sharing your stories and helping me get through this. 

I love you all! ❤️ 

 

Debating

After going through the Foster Care orientation training last night, my husband and I are both in agreeance that God is leading us to foster/adopt (which is incredibly exciting). Now, the next question we need to discuss is what we are going to do about having our own child. We agree that we want to have our own baby and adopt, however, we need to decide which comes first. Biological or adoption? 

Originally, we were going to begin trying to get pregnant in March, but if we foster/adopt first then we need to push that back. But if we do biological first, then maybe we should start trying earlier? 

These are the questions my husband and I are debating. They are huge, life-changing questions and we do not want to make a decision lightly. Thank you for all your prayers and words of wisdom. If you have any comments, please let me know! 

Graduation and Babies!

For the last two years, by husband has been working on getting his Master’s degree, and on Wednesday, HE FINISHED IT! I am so proud of him and all the dedication he devoted to his degree. It was a difficult two years, for both of us, but now we are on the other side and it was totally worth it! A whole new chapter of our lives has started! We can spend more time just hanging out together and enjoy growing closer without any distractions.

Over the last few days, we have actually been talking about something very exciting and life changing! Having a BABY!! I have posted in the past about my baby fever that has been raging for months! However, my darling husband has never really caught the fever until recently! I think it because he can no think of anything other than his homework. No that his mind can relax and think about the other things he wants in his life, he is able to think about expanding our family!! Today we talked about when we should start trying and when we would ideally (we know we can’t plan everything) we would like to have it! Oh my goodness! It is so exciting!

I still am worried about how my anxiety will react to pregnancy, but I am continuing to do research and talk about options with my doctor. I want to be sure that I am healthy and fit so that I can provide the best home for my little baby! 🙂

I will keep you updated on how the process if going! I cannot wait to share it all with you guys!