No more Breastmilk !’

Over the last few months, breastmilk has ruled my life! I pump a million times a day, and constantly worry if I am producing enough milk for my LO. BUT no more! 

Here’s a quick little back story for those who haven’t read my previous posts.  December 23, 2016 my daughter came into the world 10 weeks early because of my severe preeclampsia. After 50 days in the NICU, she is 100% healthy and beautiful! 
Ever since she was born, I have been pumping breastmilk, however, my milk does not have enough calories to give her enough weight. Our doctor told us that we need to switch to exclusively using formula to fatten her up. It was difficult to hear that I was able to provide her with enough fat, but I have been trying to focus on the positive. 
Since switching over to formula, she has put on nearly a pound in just a week! Yay! As for pumping, I have been weaning myself off the pump, and today is my first day without pumping! It’s incredible and terrifying at the same time. I didn’t expect so much guilt to come along with quitting, but I also have so much more time on my hands! I am learning that being a mom is all about conflicting emotions! 

Pushing through

Today I woke up with my good friend anxiety. I am not sure why I have it today, but nevertheless I am going to push onward and choose happiness today. Will it be more difficult than usual? Yes. But that does not mean that I am going to give up! 

To all of you who are like me today and have unexplained, or explained anxiety: remember you control your thoughts and you can win the battle! 

Change our thinking

Perhaps we should change the way we think about our hardships. Instead of seeing them as something that holds us back, I say that we view them as what catapults us into our futures. Our struggles are what shape us into the people we are today. Would like be infinitely better without hardship? Yes. A thousand times, yes! However, to get a beautiful photograph, it must first be a negatice. It then goes through the long process of development, and only after that can it be turned into a photograph. 

This is a fantastic metaphor for our lives. We will always face hard times, however, to overcome them we must keep the bigger picture in mind. The pain we feel now, during development, is NOT the end result! It is only refining us to become what we are created to be! To be strong and courageous and a light to those around us. 

Remember that when you experience pain, you are growing into the person you are meant to be! 

Riding into the sunset

It feels so good to be able to finally feel at peace, without the constant load of anxiety weighing on my shoulders. At this time last year, even a simple walk around around the block gave me anxiety. Fast forward a year later and I am full of life and peace again! This evening my husband and I went out on the road to just drive around with no destination in mind! We just set off and blasted the Footloose soundtrack! It was fantastic! It feels wonderful to experience peace in simple moments.

If you are struggling with your anxiety remember that it will not last forever. Reach out to those around you and do not be ashamed that something is wrong. We have been there, and it is ok. Don’t loose hope. 


Freedom in acknowledgement 

Over this past year, I have learned that admittingI have an anxiety disorder to others, as well as myself, has created a sense of freedom and lightness within my emotional wellbeing. I have always been ashamed of my struggle because I was under the impression that others would think I was weird or broken in someway. However, I am finding that everyone has a hidden the struggle and people tend to be accepting of them.

I don’t recommend going around telling everyone you meet your secrets, but if the time is right and the relationship is secure, I believe it is ok to open up about your struggles. The support I have gained, and the amount of people who have admitting the same struggles, has been overwhelming and wonderful! 

Remember, you are not alone in your fight! We are in this together! 


I need a positivity reminder!

I am feeling very frustrated and anxious about an upcoming teacher assessment that I have to take. I have taken many teacher tests over the past five years, but this one focuses on middle school social studies I have only taught 1 grade in social studies, however the test is going to cover three grade levels. I have been working my tail off trying to learn all the concepts, but when I take the practice quiz questions there always seems to be a new event that I haven’t yet studied. It is so frustrating! I take the test on Thursday and I am feeling discouraged… 

Am I feeling overly anxious and upset? Yes. I realize that this mindset is not going to help me learn the content. I need to refocus my mind on what I do know, and eventually I will learn it. In the meantime, I need to get my anxiety under control and take back this situation!

Thank you for letting me vent!


I finished my presentation to the School Board, and it went really well! My husband was there and he told me I didn’t even look nervous! My presentation took about 10 minutes and everyone seemed to be interested and enjoy what I had to say! I had no reason to be nervous! 🙂

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!