What does ADHD feel like?

What does ADHD feel like? Are we sufferers just lazy? Unmotivated? Absent-minded? These are questions I constantly encounter as a special education teacher as well as an ADHD-er. I have had ADHD as long as I can remember, therefore I know nothing different. My mind has always worked 1 billion miles and hour and I have always lost EVERYTHING I own. However, people who do not have ADHD often wonder why we can’t follow simple directions such as putting away laundry, cleaning our rooms, doing our homework, paying the bills. Well, let me give you a little glimpse into our mind.

The best analogy of ADHD that I have ever encountered explains it as have your internet browser open and having 50 tabs open at one time. The more tabs that are open, the smaller the tab. The size of the tab relates to the attention span we are able to give to each task. If you want someone with ADHD to make their bed, yet they have many other “tabs” open their memory may be slow or perhaps a “pop-up” will show up and take away their attention. Those of us with ADHD are not purposefully trying to avoid work (for the most part). We just have so many “tabs” open at one time that it is nearly impossible to function at a normal rate. We often have to click over to different tabs and check things and switch back, and so on and so on. While our minds are busy sorting through the tabs we are missing out on what is happening in the present. It’s not because we are ignoring you. We just are sorting through our tabs and trying to make sense of it all.

I have days where I feel as if I have 300 tabs open and others where I only have 10 or 15. There are highs and lows. I have noticed that when I am on a high, the longer it is the bigger the crash will be. It takes an incredible amount of energy to keep functioning at 100 miles per hour. Just last week I had a two and a half week high and over the weekend my crash finally hit, and it was huge! I felt as if I had just finished a marathon, which in a sense I had. My mind has been running at warp speed for so long that my body could no longer keep up.

Overall, I love having ADHD. It gives me endless creativity and energy to do all the wonderful things I want to do. However, it is frustrating when I forget things, miss out on the present, and can’t follow multi-step instructions. But I wouldn’t trade my mind for anyone else’s! 🙂

I hope that this analogy has allowed you to understand ADHD a little more. There is so much about it that is misunderstood because of the attention it has gotten in the media. So many people get diagnosed with it who don’t actually it, and that is frustrating to those of us who actually have the real disorder. We are more than just day dreamers and lazy people. We are just trying to sort out all our tabs!

Technology helps my ADHD!

I have come to accept that I will never been organized 100%. What I mean to say is that I will periodically loose things, forget what I was doing, miss appointments and other such things. However, I have found that technology has sufficiently helped reduce these types of instances. Technology is something I am passionate about and have incorporated into my daily life. Since I have been scouring the App Store to get a fell for what is out there, I have stumbled across some incredible apps that help us ADHDers (I have yet to find an app that helps ease anxiety, though I will keep looking LOL).

It is pretty cool that I can organize my life on a little phone or laptop, but honestly, it is wonderful! When I just had hard copies of things like lists, appointments, reports etc., I would loose them all the time! I would end up going into a mini meltdown (I am sure it was humorous to behold. Stamping feet and all!) However, now that everything is compiled right on my devices, I feel so much more put together. I don’t have to worry about finding missing papers and the like. All I need is my phone, or computer! It’s fabulous! I just need to be sure not to loose my phone 🙂

Here is a great list of apps that will help if you or a loved one has ADHD and wants to use their device to help them out!

Are there Any other ADHDers who use technology to help curb their symptoms? 

An Honest Struggle

There are times in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. We either give up or we push onward. It is a difficult decision to make, and the stakes are high. When we pour ourselves into a career, relationship, hobby, or any dream we hold, we open our hearts in a way we never thought possible. Countless hours go into these pursuits, and in those moments of dedication and practice, frustration and roadblocks begin to work against us. In these moments we come face to face with our biggest fear. Failure.

It’s human nature to be afraid of failing. We all set out to be good, if not, great a something. We do not set out to try something new with the intention of failing. The idea that we will succeed drives us onward and ignites our passions. However, life is never easy. It is messy, and hard. It even seems that there are moments where there are more tears than smiles.

Personally, I am currently at this crossroad in my career. I love every moment that I spend in the classroom. My heart sings with joy when I am able to interact with my middle schoolers and show them that learning is fun. Learning is the reason for living! Each day we learn something we didn’t know and without learning we are stagnant. Teaching these lessons sets my soul on fire and I burn with passion! I love being a teacher. However, being a teacher comes with a plethora of outside interference. There are mounds of paper work, workplace politics, adult drama, and endless hoops to jump through. It seems that there are so many things thrown our way that we are distracted from the true reason why we became teachers in the first place. To teach. I find these extra add ons to be utterly frustrating and wearisome. I feel very beaten down by all that is going on and I am feeling low.

It is my crossroad. Do I continue to push onward to pursue my passion? Or do I give up because the distractions outside of the classroom are too much?

As I sit here and contemplate the choices, I find there is only one answer I can choose. And that is to carry on. My students need me, and I am fairly certain that I need them just as much as I need them. I cannot abandon them. They have taught me to push on when times get hard, and I want to do the same for them. I will not give up no matter how hard it becomes. They are my inspiration and I will be here for them no matter what.

So so sleepy

I am so tired
I can’t even move my legs
So now I must sleep

ADHD: My frustration

Normally I adore having ADHD, but I have to admit that I have been struggling over the few weeks with my self esteem in regards to its effects on my life. I am not sure what brought about these negative feelings towards, but I know that right now I am having a very difficult time managing. I am very aware that my ADHD causes me to be overly loud and appear to be childish. I know that I lose things, get off track, become impulsive and slightly out of control. These qualities are often in the forefront of my mind, and I truly work hard to keep them under control.

For whatever reason, these past couple weeks have really worn me down. I have been in several trainings where I have to sit and be quiet for 8 hours at a time, and I think I have noticed how difficult that is for me, and I have been paying more attention to how others around me react to my behavior. It truly sucks to be able to know my problem, yet be almost unable to change it.

I have been struggling with realizing how I may frustrate those around me, my husband included, and how people may not take me as seriously as a professional. This has been a serious blow to my self-esteem. I always thought I was just lovable, forgetful young woman who always had a quirky story to tell, but I’m not sure that is how it is perceived anymore. I feel as if my ADHD is prohibiting me from being the best I can be professionally. I also feel that it is effecting my marriage, because I can tell my husband gets frustrated with me when I don’t pick up the clothes, do the dishes, take out trash, forget my phone or any of the other many things I misplace. He is so great about supporting me, but I know it gets to him, and I don’t ever want my ADHD to cause a rift.

Right now is very difficult, but I know that I am going to get through this and be an even stronger person. Eventually, I will learn how to manage my symptoms more effectively. I will not give into frustration. I am bigger than my problems. I am strong, and I can fight back!

Thank you everyone for listening to my venting.