In the Storm

If I am being honest, I am really struggling with things in my life right now. To fill you in on what is going on, when my husband and I first found out we were pregnant, we wanted to move forward with selling our house. We have been looking for awhile, but the pregnancy propelled us forward into putting the conversation into action. We were able to sell our house before it went on the market, and put a bid on another home (that we loved) all within a week. It was incredible, and it was one of the most exciting weeks of our lives.

However, two weeks later, we had our miscarriage. Shortly after that everything with the house we were buying began to fall apart. It turns out that there are three liens against the house, one of them being over 1 million dollars to the IRS. We were shocked and frustrated with this development because we didn’t see it coming. I’m not sure of all the logistics behind it, but the relators were taken by surprise as well. It has been incredibly frustrating and stressful.

Weeks have now gone by and things have gone from bad to worse. We have to move out of our home, either this weekend or early next week, and at this point we don’t have anywhere to go. We have looked at nearly 15 different homes and are struggling on what to do next. Where do we stay? What do we do with our stuff? How can this be fixed? There are so many unknowns and it is a nightmare.

I am beyond disgusted with this entire process and it is far from over. I just want to move on and be past all of this. The most painful part about the entire thing is that we were wanting to get a bigger home in a nice neighborhood for the baby we were having. Now the baby is gone… and so is the house…and we are left homeless.

I am trying so hard to stay positive in the face of all this adversity, but I am really struggling right now. I know God has a plan, but I have to admit that is incredibly difficult to have strong faith in the mist of the storm. I feel that my storm is raging right now and I can only see a faint glimmer of hope in the far distance. I am focusing all my energy on that small light, but I feel like I keep tripping on my way there. I am going to continue to continue to go towards that ray of hope, but it is going to be hard.

Flipping my thoughts

When 3am came rolling around today, I found myself wide awake. I was filled with stress concerning all the things I had accomplish at work over the the next few days! I had to grade papers, write lesson plans, write sub plans, read essays, set up centers, write IEPs/FBAs, emails staff members, meet with students… Oh man, there was so much! My mind was racing and I could feel the anxiety rising up in my chest. It started to feel overwhelming! I couldn’t imagine relaxing, let alone going back to sleep because the only thought that filled my mind was, HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?

The hour rolled by and it was suddenly 4am. Then 4:30. At this time I was getting annoyed because I knew my alarm was going to go off in less than an hour, and I had barely had 5 hours of sleep (I personally prefer a solid 8). As I kept stressing out about time, the stress about my responsibilities began to worsen and I felt like I was stuck in an endless trap! My anxiety was rising and I wasn’t sure I could handle it…

Then suddenly, as my stress reached an all time high, I remembered something I had heard the other day. I heard we should be thankful even during our times of stress. Take our stress and turn it around to be praise. It seemed crazy to me, but instead of thinking “How am I going to do this?” I said, “Thank you, God, for helping me to do this in the future.” I began to thank God for his strength, and focus on the positive instead of the negative, and suddenly I felt lighter. I didn’t feel burdened down by the stress. I felt freed. I knew I would get it all done. And guess what, I did! YAY! God is good!

Try and turn your negative thoughts into positive ones, and see how things in your life start to change.