Continued Anxiety

Becoming a new parent has come with many new emotions I never expected to experience. Everything feels bigger. Deeper. More intense. These over the top emotions have  completely taken me by surprise. 

Right now, as I have written about a few times over the last few weeks, I am experiencing a high level of anxiety about going back to work. Not because I don’t enjoy my job, because I love my job, but because I am anxious about leaving my daughter all day. Right now I can hold her when she cries, play with her, snuggle, and give her huge kisses all day long. But when I go back, I won’t be able to do those things when I want. I love the routine we have together. It’s simple – just feeding, sleeping, diaper changing, and cuddling- but I adore it. I am just going to miss it all. 

I know that part of my anxiety to leave her is because she is a preemie. She was born 10 weeks early, due to my severe preeclampsia, and spent 50 days in the NICU before she was able to come home. Despite all of the trauma she went through in those first 50 days, she is healthy and on target! She was healthy her entire stay in the NICU. She just needed time to grow. 

We have been through so much together and have only spent 1 day apart in her four months of life. I am not sure how to deal with these emotions. I don’t want to be anxious about going back to a job that I love. I am actively working on changing my mindset, but I am having a difficult time. 

Have any of you had similar situations about going back to work after a baby?

Tough day

Today was rough for me. The stress of my new teaching position caught up with me and I ended up crying in my husband’s office (he is my assistant principal). I have just been feeling very overwhelmed and almost a little bit like I am drowning. This is my fourth year teaching but teaching two grade levels, with four different subjects, plus writing IEPS for my students in special educating, is quickly making me stressed and very anxious. It almost feels like my first year all over again, except without the classroom management issues I just want to be sure that I do my job well and help provide the best education I can for my students. 

Today it all felt like too much and I began to doubt in my abilities to do the job. I needed to unload emotionally so I could move on with the day. I felt better after my husband’s encouragement and the rest of my day went well. I did, however, still have moments of anxiety when I began to realize how much I still had to do in preparation but I am going to work on taking it one day at a time. 

First Day

Today was my first day with the students in my classes. I have two groups of kids: a 7th grade class and an 8th grade one. Both classes have wonderful students in them, and they were very positive today. Every student I talked with was excited to be there and looking forward to a new year that was full of learning. I love that they were so into the whole experience!

I had been experiencing some anxiety leading up to the day, just because I am never good with the unknown, and I feel nervous about starting fresh. However, in hindsight, I feel like I didn’t need to worry. I had everything planned and set up for when the students came in. Even during times when we finished assignments early, I was able to quickly move into another activity and the students went well with the changes. Once the day kicked off I didn’t have any anxiety. However, if you would have looked at my anxiety yesterday, it would have been off the charts! I am so glad that it is all gone now and things are looking positive! šŸ™‚

I hope all of you had a good day, and if you didn’t I hope you remember never to give up and to keep pushing onward.

Apply Your Passion to Life

For the next few days I am going to be in a technology training that discusses ways to use technology in the classroom. I am very excited to learn about the new ways I can use technology in my life. I feel grateful that I have been able to find passion in my career and I love my job! Being a teacher can be utterly exhausting, but it is so incredibly rewarding. It is just so much to be spending time with kids and helping them learn things they have never been exposed to before.

I think it is important to find an outlet to express your passion, especially when you have anxiety or depression. When we are fighting a mental disorder it is important to getĀ lost inĀ an activity that we love! When we do something we love, we begin to feel better about ourselves. I know that whenever I am able to use my creativity, I feel accomplished and energized! Our passions drive our motivation!

What is your passion and how do you use it in your daily life?

Long Day

After a long day of work, there is nothing I love more than loosing myself in a good book! That is precisely what I am about to do!

Sleep well everyone! Remember to stay positive and enjoy the beauty around you! No matter how small šŸ™‚

Oh and great news! Anxiety free today!

Feeling blessed for a life of Love

As a teacher, I have many students in my classes who do not have supportive environments. I try my best to provide them with a classroom that they can all feel safe and valued in, because that may be the only place they experience that sort of care. Even though I have an anxiety disorder, it was caused by genetics, not an unloving home. I was spoiled rotten as a child, and continue to be treated as such by my husband. My heart goes out to all my students who crave love and have no where to find it.

Flipping my thoughts

When 3am came rolling around today, I found myself wide awake. I was filled with stress concerning all the things I had accomplish at work over the the next few days! I had to grade papers, write lesson plans, write sub plans, read essays, set up centers, write IEPs/FBAs, emails staff members, meet with students… Oh man, there was so much! My mind was racing and I could feel the anxiety rising up in my chest. It started to feel overwhelming! I couldn’t imagine relaxing, let alone going back to sleep because the only thought that filled my mind was, HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?

The hour rolled by and it was suddenly 4am. Then 4:30. At this time I was getting annoyed because I knew my alarm was going to go off in less than an hour, and I had barely had 5 hours of sleep (I personally preferĀ a solid 8). As I kept stressing out about time, the stress about my responsibilities began to worsen and I felt like I was stuck in an endless trap! My anxiety was rising and I wasn’t sure I could handle it…

Then suddenly, as my stress reached an all time high, I remembered something I had heard the other day. I heard we should be thankful even during our times of stress. Take our stress and turn it around to be praise. It seemed crazy to me, but instead of thinking “How am I going to do this?” I said, “Thank you, God, for helping me to do this in the future.” I began to thank God for his strength, and focus on the positive instead of the negative, and suddenly I felt lighter. I didn’t feel burdened down by the stress. I felt freed. I knew I would get it all done. And guess what, I did! YAY! God is good!

Try and turn your negative thoughts into positive ones, and see how things in your life start to change.

Take Time for Yourself

This week I have been relearning that it is vitally important to take time each day to focus solely on myself. It doesn’t have to be very long. Just a few minutes would suffice. And in those few moments, I felt refreshed! With all the stress from various places in my life, I have been feeling stretched too thin. Unfortunately, being stretched thin does not include my body. I’m still sitting at a size 12, and have nearly the same number of mini m&m bags, cake, ice cream and a king sized candy bar to add onto my hips after this week! I tend to emotionally eat, and goodness these past seven days have been emotional! Since I was so bogged down with work I hadn’t given taking time to myself much thought. However I happened to stumble across alone time completely on accident…

I was giddily looking forward to unwinding at home on the couch When I got home from work today, but I received a text from my husband reminding me to go over to our neighbor’s house and feed their chickens. Grudgingly, and with excessive mumbling, I pried myself out of the soft cushions of the couch, grabbed the dogs, and headed to the neighbor’s house.

After feeding the chickens, the dogs and I were on our way home to finally indulge in some over dramatic television, when I realized how beautiful it was outside. I noticed the pups seemed to be enjoying the weather just as much as I was, so we walked on past our house. We walked for about twenty minutes. We enjoyed watching the sun set behind the rugged mountain tops. The sky was lit up with brilliant pinks, purples and reds, and the calmness of the desert in the evening was intoxicating.

It felt so good to just be out there with only my thoughts and my pups. It was so peaceful and relaxing. All the stress from work melted away and I felt renewed.

I think we all need to consciously remember to think about ourselves every now and then. Many of us put ambition, service, or career above our own needs, and we just end up burning out. We are not much use to anyone if our bodies and mental state is unable to keep up with our ever increasing demands. Time must be put aside to ensure we care for ourself so we can be a blessing to those around us.

Happy Friday!

Seriously! I love being a teacher!

I know I have written this in the past, but I truly love my job as an educator. Over the last few days I have been very frustrated and stressed about the political side of my job, and it has really worn me down. I have more responsibilities as well so it was beginning to pile up and weigh me down. However, tonight I was reminded why I love what I do. It’s the kids. It is so rewarding to be able to make a difference in their lives everyday. There are many kids at school who don’t have a loving and safe home, and I feel honored to provide them with that within my classroom walls.

Tonight I made a podcast for my kids (since they have to make one) and I pretended I was a middle school girl talking about her day! I had so much fun making it! I cannot wait to show them tomorrow! Just by making this podcast I reminded myself why I do what I do. I love making learning fun and showing them that life is an endless road of new and exciting things to learn! I love that we all share laughter and adventures in academics in my class!

If you happen to be in a rough time at work, school or even just in life, try to find your joy. Your reason for why you carry on everyday. If you cannot think of anything, do something you love and it will reignite passion and help refocus your mind onto the good. Remember that you are not alone and we are all here for you cheering you onward towards happiness!