One of the biggest dreams in life is to write a novel. I always have so many ideas, but they seem to be equally partnered with just as many excuses. I start writing, and then I get writer’s block, and eventually give up on the idea out of pure frustration.
I feel frustrated with myself because if I had kept going through the struggle, I could have a decent manuscript by now. That thought alone is infuriating and it keeps me up at night.
Now that I have a child, it seems even more difficult to work on my writing. I hardly have time to myself, let alone time to dedicate to writing.
Have any of you had a similar problem? And if you have, how have you been able to handle it?
Today my anxiety was real. It was intense. Sharp. Constricting. There were several times today when I felt as if I couldn’t breath. As if I was about to fall into an abyss. I haven’t felt anxiety this raw in a long time.
It was triggered by the end of my summer break rapidly coming to an end. I go back to work Friday, and I am dreading leaving my baby. Any time I think about it I feel sick. I have loved being home with her this summer. Cuddling together, and watching the Today Show in the morning. Playtimes in the afternoon, and bedtime snuggles at night. It rips me apart inside to have to go back and no longer have those times with her.
I also love my job. I always look forward to going back, but it is different now. I wasn’t expecting to experience this sadness.
I know God will give me strength to push onward, and it will get better with time, but right now it hurts.
Here we are! How can I leave this beautiful face?