My Baby’s Developmental Update

Sorry It took me so long to finally post this information, but last week, we had my daughter’s four month developmental check after being released from her NICU stay and it went well! We are most worried about her weight, because right now her weight is not even on the preemie growth scale. So we are going to switch from breastmilk to primarily formula, with one bottle of breast milk a day. I am both excited and guilty about this change.

If I am honest, I HATE pumping! It takes so much time, and it is incredibly uncomfortable. I am looking forward to not having to do that anymore, but another part of me feels incredible guilt. I feel like I am suppose to be able to provide food for my daughter, but an unable to do it. Like something is wrong. Also, I think that during our NICU stay, pumping milk was the only way I could provide for her, so a part of me feels like I am no longer helping. I know that isn’t true, but that is the thought process that is taking over as I switch to formula.

The other thing we learned during our checkup is that our daughter is a month delayed with her gross motor skills. Since her weight is so low (it’s 9 pounds 5 ounces now! YAY) she is still somewhat stiff. Our homework is to do at least an hour of tummy/play time a day, which I’m sure many of you know, babies despise tummy time! However, as we have worked on tummy time this week, she is getting use to it and has been able to stay on her tummy for almost five minutes! YAY! Last week we couldn’t even do 30 seconds!

Through all of this chaos I am remembering that God is in control, and he has a plan for my baby girl. She is healthy, and that is what matters. Thank you for following along with my story! I am going to try and update more often đŸ™‚ I promise!

OH! And for those of you who read about my anxiety, things have been pretty calm. If there was ever a time in my life where I had a right to be anxious, it would be now, but for the most part, it has been under control. I still have my days of high anxiety, but I am able to take back control relatively easily. Praise God!

Developmental Assessment 

Yesterday we took my daughter to get her developmental follow up exam that she needed after her stay in the NICU. 

After our time with the doctor, the doctor said our daughter is on target cognatively and doing really well on her language development. We Also learned that, She is a month delayed on her gross motor skills. At first I was concerned to hear that, because no one wants to hear their child has a delay, however, the doctor said that we will be able to help her catch up by doing more tummy time, and other excersises that help her limber up. 

The only major concern the doctor had was our daughter’s weight. Her weight has dropped off the scale, so we are going to begin using mostly formula to help bulk her up. The doctor said that she is hopeful that our daughter will be able to put on the weight she needs. 

I have been anxious about the exam over the last few months, because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Although, she needs to gain more weight, and it is a concern at this time, I feel that the overall feel of the exam was positive. The doctor was very happy with how she was coming along overall and said we are a great family. 

Please send prayers for her development of her gross motor skills and her weight gain journey. Thank you for all your love and support! 

Post Preemie Eye Exam

My baby girl had her follow up eye exam and all is good! Actually, all is great! Her eyes are fully developed and looking fantastic! The doctor even commented on how mature she is, developmentally, for her age! Yay! That lifted a HUGE weight off of my shoulders. 

Tomorrow we will be taking her to her four month developmental check up to make sure she is progressing the way she should. Over the last few months, as we have taken her into her pediatrician, there has been no red flags, so we hope tomorrow will go smoothly.

I do have some pretty high anxiety about the visit, because I’m not sure what to expect. I feel in my heart she is progressing, but I have never had an extensive amount of time with babies, so I only know what I experience with my daughter. 

I am trying to combat the anxiousness with positive self talk and prayer. This morning I woke up with an 8 out of 10, but since then, it has gone down to about a 2. I may have a spike again before the exam tomorrow, but I am doing my best to stay positive and fight against it. 

I will update you all on her progress tomorrow!! Have a great night and DON’T let anxiety win! 

Family trip!

We are taking our first family vacation with our baby girl! Phoenix! Technically she was born here due to her emergency birth and me being flown down here, but it’s our first time back to Phoenix since we left the hospital, and we are here to enjoy ourselves! My parents are coming from Ohio to hang out as well, so we are really looking forward to the time away from home. 

On Thursday, Eisley has her follow up Eye Appointment, which will be the first one since we left the hospital. We were given the all good before we left the NICU, so we are thinking we should be good to go. However, it does spike up my anxiety a little bit, because I hate having to take her back to see more doctors. My husband (as well as my parents) are here as support so I am dealing with the anxiety pretty well. 

I will keep you updated on how things go, and on what adventures we have while in town! 

Have an amazing day! 

Summer, Summer, SUMMER!

Well, it is summer break now and I can now be home with my baby! I do love being a teacher for my summer time! I will say that I am more excited for summer break as an adult than I was when I was a kid! My husband and I put up a small 10 foot by 30 inch pool in our backyard to float in and let our daughter kick her feet in.

Now that it is summer, I am planning to dedicate more blogging and updating you more on what is going on in my life and how my anxiety is doing.

I hope you all have a great night, and don’t let your anxiety take over!

Sorry for the silence

It has been a crazy month, and I apologize for not posting much. Things are going really well with my baby girl! She continues to grow slowly but surely. She is up to 8 lbs 4 oz now!! She has quadrupled in size over the last five months. She ha started baby talking now, and it is incredible! 

My anxiety has come back a little bit, but not enough to take control. It has gotten much over a 5 out of 10. I have been combating it with prayer and positive self talk. As much as I would like to say that I have gotten ride of my anxiety, I know that I can’t because it is part of who I am. It may be a weakness, however, I use it to give me strength. It won’t control me or take any time away from my daughter! 

But I am loving being a mother and I am looking forward to this summer vacation so I can spend every moment snuggling my baby girl! 

Anxiety over Family

I am feeling overwhelmed with my anxiety today, and it sucks. Through third hand information, today I heard that my mother-in-law has been having a hard time watching my baby while I have been at work. She has been crying out of frustration over it. Now, for a bit of backstory, my MIL has been running daycare out of her home for many years, and she just started watching my daughter on May 1 when I went back to work. My daughter was born 10 weeks early, and it has been a huge deal that she is finally able to go to “daycare” with grandma. 

So, back to hearing about my MIL today. My nail tech, who is a good friend of mine, told me today that one of her clients grandchildren also go to my MIL for daycare. That woman had mentioned that my MIL had been crying about How colicky my daughter is and how hard it has been adjusting. I have known she has been having a hard time because she has cried to me about it as well. However it really took me by surprise to hear it second hand. I just didn’t expect her to tell other people about it. 

I understand the need to talk about it, but it honestly made me angry to hear that. I’m not sure why exactly, but I think it is because it is something negative about my child. I know my MIL loves my daughter, but it doesn’t hurt any less. 

This week my MIL has clearly been frustrated because every day I picked up my daughter she had nothing good to say about how the day went. My anxiety spiked because I dreaded going to pick her up and having to hear what went wrong. 

My MIL actually has an anxiety disorder as well, severe OCD along with others, but she doesn’t handle it very well so I think that is playing a part in her feeling so overwhelmed. I am trying my best to be understanding, but I am just feeling very hurt. 

When I am with my daughter I don’t feel she is an overly colicky baby. She cries like any baby when she is hungry or annoyed, but not all day long. I just don’t know how to handle my anxiety in this situation because I have never been in a situation like this before. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but that didn’t go over very well. đŸ˜’

I am going to put the situation in God’s hands and let him give me strength to get through it. 

Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do? 

Back to Work

Tomorrow I will be going back after being on maternity leave for 4 months. If you are new to my blog, my daughter was born 10 weeks premature, and spent 50 days in the NICU. She is healthy and wonderful! We have been so blessed through the entire experience. It is the best case scenario that came out of a terrible situation.

So now, after four months, I am heading back! I am a middle school gifted teacher and I have really been missing my kiddos and being able to be creative in my classroom. I love being a teacher, and i love my job. It will be nice to be back.

However, I am still expreicing some anxiety and guilt about going back. I didn’t think I would be feeling this way before my daughter was born. But now that she is here, I want to hold her in my arms every moment of the day. She will be staying at her grandmother’s house, who runs a private daycare out of her home, so that is incredible. I know my daughter will be in wonderful hands. It doesn’t take away all of the sting though.

Tomorrow will be hard, but I will be able to get through it with God’s strength. I will not let my anxiety or guilt take over. I know my baby is safe, and she will be happy with her grandma. đŸ™‚ But keep me in your prayers anyway! LOL

A break from Anxiety

I have tried to not dwell on my anxiety about going back to work after my maternity leave, and just focus on my daughter these last few days. Just looking at her reminds me of how incredible God is. How far he has carried us over the last four months. I will get through going back to work. God gives me the strength to do it, even when I feel like I can’t. He is my strength. 

Anxiety will always be my battle, but it doesn’t always have to win. I choose to take back my mind. It cannot steal anymore time away from me. 

Anxiety has been hovering around

As the day I return to work from my maternity leave draws closer, I have noticed more anxiety hovering around me. It’s not high, but it is enough where I can feel it. I know I cannot be with my baby girl every moment of the day forever, but I have loved being able to do just that for the last few months.

 Being in the hospital for her first 50 days and having to leave her there at night was the hardest thing I ever have had to do, and I feel like I am leaving her again when I have to go back to work. I know the circumstances are different, but she doesn’t know that. I don’t want her to think I am abandoning her. I never imagined it would be this difficult to go back. 

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I had to get it out. Thanks for listening 

I know God has a plan and will make this all work out. I will adjust and my daughter will know I’m not leaving her. I just have to keep pushing forward and staying positive. I can do this!