Hit Hard

Last night something triggered my anxiety (not sure what) but it was raging out of control. I felt like I was no longer in control of my thoughts, and they were leading down a dark path. I have always found it difficult to combat anxiety at night, because nighttime means quiet. There is nothing to distract me when I feel the strong grip of anxiety start to take hold, and that’s exactly what happened last night. I lost control.

My husband woke up in the middle of the night and I told him about my struggle, and he was able to comfort me, but not free me from it. I was finally able to fall asleep, but anxiety followed me into the morning.

I spent a lot of the morning in prayer as I went about my daily routine. I felt weak mentally, so I knew the only way I could win was through funneling my thoughts towards God. Things finally began to turn around when I heard a song on the radio talking about in our dark times, we need God. In that moment, I was reminded that I am not the only one in this battle. I am not the only person who has dark moments. I felt myself begin to take back control, and slowly, peace replaced anxiety.

I felt I learned that when I am hit hardest with anxiety, I tend to isolate myself. I feel like I’m the only person who has dark moments. But I am not! If you ever feel this way, know that I am there with you! We are all in this together! I believe that Satan wants us to feel isolated, because alone we are weak. But together we are strong!

Anxiety is a difficult beast to understand, but bringing it into the light, helps lessen its grip! Bring yours into the light. You can win, just as I did today!

My Daughter’s Support

Life feels so much fuller having a child. There is so much more purpose. I always had a focus and a drive in life, but since my daughter entered the picture, everything is different. I strive to make sure she will have the best life possible. That includes her possible fight with anxiety. I pray she doesn’t struggle with it, but if she does, I want to be there for her.

My struggle with anxiety is no secret, and I plan on keeping my transparency with her as well. I want to keep an open dialogue with her about anxiety, so that if it is anything she struggles with in the future, she will feel safe to talk to me about it. I don’t want her to go through it alone.

I thank God everyday for trusting me with my beautiful daughter, and I will do everything in my power to give her the life she deserves. I pray for the strength and wisdom to do so. ❤️

Happy Easter!!!

Sorry for the silence

It has been a crazy month, and I apologize for not posting much. Things are going really well with my baby girl! She continues to grow slowly but surely. She is up to 8 lbs 4 oz now!! She has quadrupled in size over the last five months. She ha started baby talking now, and it is incredible! 

My anxiety has come back a little bit, but not enough to take control. It has gotten much over a 5 out of 10. I have been combating it with prayer and positive self talk. As much as I would like to say that I have gotten ride of my anxiety, I know that I can’t because it is part of who I am. It may be a weakness, however, I use it to give me strength. It won’t control me or take any time away from my daughter! 

But I am loving being a mother and I am looking forward to this summer vacation so I can spend every moment snuggling my baby girl! 

Dealing with the every day

An Anxiety Disorder isn’t something that will ever go away overnight. It isn’t something that can be cured. It is something that will follow you around every day, for the rest of your life. 

Even though these realities are dismal, that doesn’t mean it is hopeless. There are ways to conquer and control anxiety. You do not have live your life being controlled by it. Take back your control and learn how to manage the disease. 

It took me years to finally come to terms with the fact that my anxiety was not going to go away. However, I am at peace with it. I am at the point where I can see it as a blessing and it to help those around me who are struggling with the same thing.

If you feel lost right now- don’t. It will get better. Just don’t give up.