Life feels so much fuller having a child. There is so much more purpose. I always had a focus and a drive in life, but since my daughter entered the picture, everything is different. I strive to make sure she will have the best life possible. That includes her possible fight with anxiety. I pray she doesn’t struggle with it, but if she does, I want to be there for her.
My struggle with anxiety is no secret, and I plan on keeping my transparency with her as well. I want to keep an open dialogue with her about anxiety, so that if it is anything she struggles with in the future, she will feel safe to talk to me about it. I don’t want her to go through it alone.
I thank God everyday for trusting me with my beautiful daughter, and I will do everything in my power to give her the life she deserves. I pray for the strength and wisdom to do so. ❤️
This may sound petty, however, I have been anxious about my weight. It is not my normal, panic type anxiety, but it has been looping through my mind for a few weeks. I was hoping I would have lost more weight than I have since my daughter’s birth, but I have been stuck. It starts to feel like my weight loss goals are never going to be met. In the grand scheme of things I understand my weight doesn’t define me, but I do miss how I looked before I was pregnant. UGH!
It has been way too long since I have been on WordPress! So many things have been going on since my last post! School (work) has started up again and I have hit the ground running! My students this year are great, so far, and I am loving this year. I feel like I am more prepared with my lessons, and since I was so sick last year, while I was pregnant, this year I am feeling so much more energetic! I am really looking forward to seeing what this school year brings.
My daughter is doing really well! If you haven’t read any of my previous posts, my daughter was born in December, at 30 weeks. We spent 50 days in the NICU and we have been home since the end of February. The doctor said that she will not experience any long term effects of her prematurity! YAY! The only thing we are working on right now is trying to bulk her up! She weighs 12 pounds 3 ounces now, which is huge compared to her 2 pounds 14 ounces. She is such an incredible little human being! Last week she started rolling over from her back to her tummy! YAY! I am so proud of her and how she has come over the last few months.
My anxiety has been been under control over the last few months, and I am so thankful. I still have days where it feels so heavy, and uncomfortable, but I am able through it. My husband has also been very supportive whenever my anxiety has shown up. He will remind me how strong I am, and let me know how it will pass.
Well, that is my life in a quick few paragraphs! I am going to try and commit to writing more often, because I totally miss you guys! Blogging is so therapeutic!
My day started out with a bit of unexplained anxiety, which annoyed me greatly. As many of you know, anxiety comes around for no reasons a lot of the time, which is what makes it so frustrating! However, I didn’t let it ruin my day! I went to the gym, swam in my pool, and by the time the day was over I realized I had beaten the anxiety, and had a wonderful day!
I praise God for helping me to get to this point because I haven’t always been able to beat anxiety in less than a day. Sometimes it took months.
If you are in the fight with anxiety, don’t give up. You can beat it.
My baby girl had her follow up eye exam and all is good! Actually, all is great! Her eyes are fully developed and looking fantastic! The doctor even commented on how mature she is, developmentally, for her age! Yay! That lifted a HUGE weight off of my shoulders.
Tomorrow we will be taking her to her four month developmental check up to make sure she is progressing the way she should. Over the last few months, as we have taken her into her pediatrician, there has been no red flags, so we hope tomorrow will go smoothly.
I do have some pretty high anxiety about the visit, because I’m not sure what to expect. I feel in my heart she is progressing, but I have never had an extensive amount of time with babies, so I only know what I experience with my daughter.
I am trying to combat the anxiousness with positive self talk and prayer. This morning I woke up with an 8 out of 10, but since then, it has gone down to about a 2. I may have a spike again before the exam tomorrow, but I am doing my best to stay positive and fight against it.
I will update you all on her progress tomorrow!! Have a great night and DON’T let anxiety win!
Since becoming a parent, I have noticed that my emotions are bigger and deeper than I ever thought possible. I have a difficult time watching shows or movies where children are hurt or seperated from their parents, because I can fully understand how it would feel.
Today I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that was about a pregnant woman who died after a car crash, but her baby was saved. This story felt a lot like my own since I was rushed to the hospital with extreme preeclampsia and my family stayed for a week with me. Clearly, I didn’t die nor did my precious baby, but the story felt too close to home. Since I watched the episode, I have experienced anxiety. Although I got to take my baby home from the hospital almost two months ago, I can still feel every emotion clearly. The fear. The anxiety. The helplessness. I will never forget those feelings.
I praise God every day, every moment, that I hold my daughter in my arms. He is who saved us. He brought us through the desert of pain and heartbreak into a oasis of life and love.
When I get anxious, my chest tightens and there are times when I feel like I can’t breathe. I have discovered that when I am feeling anxious and my beautiful baby girl is cuddled on my chest, all my anxiety disappears. She truly makes me happy to the core. It is such an incredible feeling.
Letting go of fears and anxieties is incredibly difficult. There are so many logical (and even illogical) reasons to hold on to those feelings, but there comes a point where we have to let them go. To allow happiness to fill you from the inside out. It is ok to be happy. It is ok to enjoy something good that comes your way. You may not think your deserve it, or that it could last, but just remember that you DO deserve happiness! You deserve every ounce of joy and it is ok to soak it up. You don’t have to live your life afraid of anything good that comes your way. That is no way to live your life.
Let happiness in. Bask in the bright parts of life. Don’t let anxiety and fear get in your way. Push past them and remember that you are amazing and you deserve it.