Look Forward. Never Back.

Look Forward.

Never Back.

You cannot change the past.

But the Future is yours!

You are NOT your past.

Change is yours.

Take it and make it our own.

Your life is worth something.

Something Beautiful.

You are beautiful.

Never Look back.

Only look forward.

Don’t be ashamed!

Never be ashamed of¬†yourself! You are perfect! Your quirks and idiosyncrasies make you who you are. There is no one in this world who does you better than you! Don’t try to be like someone else because you think they have it better. The grass is not always greener on the other side, they may just be using food coloring in their water ūüôā

Remember, your imperfections make you perfect!

Comfort in the Bathroom Stall

When panic stuck and washed over my body,

I hid.

Behind the dark plastic stall door,

I found comfort.

No one could hear me as I sobbed,

No one could see the tears streak my face.

As I clutched my twisted stomach,

While my lungs pulled for air,

I was locked safely away.

Four months later,

I have strength to not hide,

I am free from my panic.

As I stand before the stall where I found refuge,

I feel the strength of my spirit,

I am healing.

It feels freeing to be able to see my place of refuge,

When I am panic free and strong,

I rejoice!

I held onto my joy today!

There were several moments throughout the day where I could have given into negativity, but I held onto my joy! It felt good to reach the end of the day and still be positive. By being able to hold onto positive thoughts, I was able to talk with a co-worker who has been feeling very down, and provide him with encouragement. I am glad that I am able to hold myself together so I can help others.

I hope you all had a wonderful day. If you happened not to have a good day, hold on to the hope that things will get better. You can overcome! Be strong and push through.

Finding the Positive in our Afflictions

After years of battling anxiety and ADHD, I am finally at the point where I accept them as part¬†of who I am. This is not to say that I don’t have times of struggle or frustrations, because I do, but I am learning to love and accept everything about myself. So I am making a list of the positives:

Anxiety Positives

1. I am able to help others going through the same thing

2. It brings me closer to God

3. Pushes me out of my comfort zone and open up to others for support

4. It makes me appreciate times of utter happiness

5. Helps me stay in tuned to my emotions and find strategies to stay positive

6. Allows me to understand my students who suffer from anxiety and ADHD

Positives of ADHD

1. Allows me to be creative

2. Makes me a very open to talk to anyone I meet

3. Helps me to be quick and witty

4. Gives me lots of energy to teach and have fun

I am going to continue to find positive.

Acceptance is a Continual Process

Just a week or so ago, I wrote a post about discovering self acceptance with my ADHD and anxiety. I believe it would have good for me to go back and reread my own writing and take my own advice.  I was furious with myself on Sunday because of my inattentiveness I tend to overlook small details, such as booking the correct dates on Expedia for a family vacation. My husband and I have not been on many vacations since he has been working on his Masters degree, and we have finally found a weekend that we could get away and not worry about work or a homework assignment that needed to be completed. However, I did not double check the dates before I purchased our hotel room and ended up booking the wrong dates! Of course we had purchased the non-refundable package! I was so angry and frustrated with myself  that I was beyond words and spent most of the evening pouting about how horrible it is to be me. However, we did some calling around and were able to switch the dates, with no extra cost, so I am eternally grateful to Expedia. I ended up wasting a perfectly beautiful evening because of my tantrum and pity party. What a waste of energy.

I know this was really not a big deal looking back, but in the moment I was devastated. In the moment, I wished I didn’t have ADHD and that I could just be able to concentrate long enough to book a hotel room. Once I was able to figure out a plan to resolve the issue, and it was put into action, I felt much better about myself and was able to get back to a place where I loved my attention deficit again. I really have to learn to be more gracious with myself and remember I am not perfect. I will slip up, and there will be times where I mess up something. Guess What? It’s ok! The world didn’t end, and I will have gained a new understanding of how I operate as a woman.

Accepting my anxiety is also an everyday process. Just this morning I was upset by the fact that I am not yet strong enough to be independent from the daily dose of my medication. I hate that I rely on a little white pill to be balanced and un-anxious through the course of my day. I wish I could brush off anxiety and stress on my own, like everyone else. I desire nothing more than being able to move on after confrontation without another thought about it. However, that is not how it works for me. I cannot will my anxiety away. I cannot will the chemicals in my brain to suddenly correctly themselves. This is who I am and this is the way my God and Creator made me. I must remind myself in my low moments that my anxiety is grooming me for a greater plan. Something that I know nothing about, and may never know about, but there is a reason I have been chosen to carry this disorder, beyond just family genetics. I may be aggravated that this is a burden I must carry, but I CANNOT let it weigh me down. I must find the good and use it to drive away the darkness.

We all have parts of ourselves that we wish we no longer had, but remember that there is nothing about you that is wasteful. Everything about you is perfect! Everything. You are perfect and wonderful just as you are.

Becoming the Woman I Never Thought I Would Be

While growing up I was never a cool kid. I was never invited to parties or asked to sit at the popular table in the cafeteria. But I was perfectly okay with not being apart of the in crowd.  I did not see people as being either popular or unpopular, druggies or geeks, bandies or thespians. I saw everyone as people. I did not place people into labeled boxes or nice neat categories. Everyone was just a kid like I was, and I knew they were just trying to figure out who they were and where they fit in. They experienced the same pains I did, felt awkward at times, and even out of place. I knew we all were the same once the outer surfaces were scratched away and the true heart was revealed.

However, it has recently been pointed out to me by a few of my closest colleagues that I am one of the “popular” teachers at school. I was shocked to hear that because never in a million years would I have imagined being considered cool! I have always been ‘nerd and proud’ and rarely have I ever cared about how others viewed me in popularity. Obviously, due to my anxiety issues I tend to feel uncomfortable when someone is upset with me, but I never cared much about fitting in. It just seems completely foreign to have people look up to me..

I have been reflecting about this conversation and trying to figure out why people are viewing me in this different light. My priorities and values have not changed much since high school, and I have never sought coolness or popularity, so I was curious as to why people saw me this way. Upon reflection, I believe students and a few other faculty members see me as being someone they want to be around, because I do not judge others. I will talk to anyone and everyone. I treat everyone with the respect they deserve, even if they do not show it to me. Again, I believe we are all the same behind the walls we hide behind. I think that the students and other teachers see my attitude and feel safe being around me because they know I will not judge them. They know that I will love them no matter what.

It is just interesting that popularity is such a coveted thing within human nature, and people are willing to change who they are to achieve it. However, I am learning that if you just be yourself people will sense your realness and want to be around you. Do not hid behind fake personalities or bitchiness just to fit in. Be yourself. Good and bad. People will respect you for it, and you will begin to love yourself.

I challenge you to…

I challenge you to complement yourself. To be proud of who you are as a person and the talents you possess. I know it is an uncomfortable thing to do, looking at yourself in a positive¬†way, but I believe that it is completely fine. We spend a large portion of the day looking at desirable¬†qualities of others and wishing we were more like them. Finding the faults in ourselves has become a natural past time for many of us (myself included) and because of that,¬†we no longer feel comfortable looking at our strengths. How sad is that? We were all made perfectly! Yes, we may have weaknesses but that doesn’t mean we are failures.

The parts of the body do not all perform the same function, but they all come together to form¬†a beautiful creation. What good would a body be if everything was a heart? A brain? Or a pinky finger? Nothing would get done. It is the same with our talents. If we were all musicians, music would not be as beautiful because everything would be the same. I certainly don’t want the same talents as everyone else. Our unique qualities allow us to form a culture where we can all support one another and work together to make amazing things!

Now the challenge is to identify five things about yourself that you LOVE! Don’t feel guilty about acknowledging your own amazing qualities!

Here are the 5 things I LOVE about myself:

1. I am very creative and artistic

2. I am talented when it comes to stringing words together to make beautiful sentences

3. I am a great entertainer and am able to tell stories with over the top enthusiasm

4. I have amazing hair!

5. I am a trustworthy¬†friend ūüôā

**I have to admit it was a little difficult for me to come up with 5 good things about myself. I think changing my mindset about myself is now on my list!**

Now I challenge you!! Write your 5 best qualities!