Use your pain for good

I have to keep reminding myself that the pain of my anxiety can be used for good. I have to remember that the 30 years I have been on this earth have given me experiences that I can share with others.

Today, I was reminded during my bible study, that we are to encourage others around us and help them through their struggles. I have been thinking about this today and I realized that I (and those of you with any mental disorder) can truly help another individual who is struggling in this area. Mental disorders are often misunderstood and those with them are ashamed of sharing their problems. However, I must learn to view my anxiety as a blessing that will enable me to better serve those who suffer from anxiety or depression. I don’t want my years of darkness to be wasted. I want to use them to help others.

Is there a pain that you have experienced in your life that you have been able to use in a positive way? Leave a comment and let me know!

First Day

Today was my first day with the students in my classes. I have two groups of kids: a 7th grade class and an 8th grade one. Both classes have wonderful students in them, and they were very positive today. Every student I talked with was excited to be there and looking forward to a new year that was full of learning. I love that they were so into the whole experience!

I had been experiencing some anxiety leading up to the day, just because I am never good with the unknown, and I feel nervous about starting fresh. However, in hindsight, I feel like I didn’t need to worry. I had everything planned and set up for when the students came in. Even during times when we finished assignments early, I was able to quickly move into another activity and the students went well with the changes. Once the day kicked off I didn’t have any anxiety. However, if you would have looked at my anxiety yesterday, it would have been off the charts! I am so glad that it is all gone now and things are looking positive! 🙂

I hope all of you had a good day, and if you didn’t I hope you remember never to give up and to keep pushing onward.

Anxiety

Anxiety takes hold,

But it won’t make my heart cold.

My spirit is full of hope,

And I will learn the best ways to cope.

I will not dwell on the present or past,

Because the future is coming fast.

These anxieties will not control me,

My heart was created to be free!

Comfort in the Bathroom Stall

When panic stuck and washed over my body,

I hid.

Behind the dark plastic stall door,

I found comfort.

No one could hear me as I sobbed,

No one could see the tears streak my face.

As I clutched my twisted stomach,

While my lungs pulled for air,

I was locked safely away.

Four months later,

I have strength to not hide,

I am free from my panic.

As I stand before the stall where I found refuge,

I feel the strength of my spirit,

I am healing.

It feels freeing to be able to see my place of refuge,

When I am panic free and strong,

I rejoice!

I held onto my joy today!

There were several moments throughout the day where I could have given into negativity, but I held onto my joy! It felt good to reach the end of the day and still be positive. By being able to hold onto positive thoughts, I was able to talk with a co-worker who has been feeling very down, and provide him with encouragement. I am glad that I am able to hold myself together so I can help others.

I hope you all had a wonderful day. If you happened not to have a good day, hold on to the hope that things will get better. You can overcome! Be strong and push through.

Finding the Positive in our Afflictions

After years of battling anxiety and ADHD, I am finally at the point where I accept them as part of who I am. This is not to say that I don’t have times of struggle or frustrations, because I do, but I am learning to love and accept everything about myself. So I am making a list of the positives:

Anxiety Positives

1. I am able to help others going through the same thing

2. It brings me closer to God

3. Pushes me out of my comfort zone and open up to others for support

4. It makes me appreciate times of utter happiness

5. Helps me stay in tuned to my emotions and find strategies to stay positive

6. Allows me to understand my students who suffer from anxiety and ADHD

Positives of ADHD

1. Allows me to be creative

2. Makes me a very open to talk to anyone I meet

3. Helps me to be quick and witty

4. Gives me lots of energy to teach and have fun

I am going to continue to find positive.

Pushing Onward and Leaving Anxiety Behind

The past few weeks have been very busy and stressful at work (outside of working with my students, which is the best part of the job). Last week was particularly stressful because I had so many items on the to-do list and not enough time to complete them (isn’t that everyone’s struggle?) Now, this week I have been able to reflect on the previous week and realize that even though I was in the middle of high stress, I was almost anxiety free! I honestly did not think that I would be able to have stress without anxiety. Just a few months ago I was anxious about going to the store, and I couldn’t even fathom running around a school and leading meetings. It is so freeing to no longer be tied down by the weight of my fears and rationalizations that accompany the disorder.

Healing is possible! 🙂

Self Acceptance

The road towards self acceptance, for me, has been a long and windy one. In high school I would often wish I was someone else. Someone who was beautiful, thin, confident and brilliant. I always felt I was too thick, too lazy, or too scared to ever be accepted by anyone. However, as I am growing older I am realizing that the only way for others to begin to accept me, is if I accept myself first.

People seem naturally drawn towards individuals who are confident in themselves. People who don’t apologize for being who they are and do not care if their true self is exposed. I feel I have finally reached a point in my life where I accepted ALL of who I am. I feel that I have come to peace with the fact that I am a curvy size 10/12 woman. It took forever to reach this point, but I finally love my body for what it is, and I no longer covet the smaller figure.

I have also learned to embrace my ADHD. Truthfully, I have always enjoyed being hyperactive and quick to comment. I have always felt that it made me unique. I am by no means saying I don’t get frustrated when I loose or forget about something, because I am constantly fighting that battle. The difference is that when I am frustrated, I no longer resent the fact that I have ADHD. I tell myself, yes this may be frustrating that this is happening to me, but it is who I am and it will only make me a stronger woman. 

However, I had not (until recently) accepted my anxiety. For years I would pray every night for God to take away my anxiety. To set me free from the chains of worry that were clamped to my ankles and weighing me down. I waited for an answer and became angry when I did not get one. Now I am seeing that God has been answering my prayers, just not in the way I wanted Him to. I now am realizing that my anxiety had been controlling me and I allowed it to do so. I was blaming God for not instantly taking away my problems. He wanted more from me. I had to fight and claw my way through the disorder and come out a different person before I could see the work He was doing in me the entire time. I needed to rise above and take back the control. God had placed people around to help guide me right to where I needed to be in my healing process. There was so much available to me, but I had shut everyone out and tried to heal myself on my own. Once I let go of trying to force change, doors seemed to open for me and little by little I began to heal. Does it suck to have anxiety? Heck yes it does! But does that mean my life is over and I can never find happiness or peace? Absolutely not! Now, I can finally say that I accept my anxiety. It is part of who I am and it always will be. And guess what!? I am OK  with that. 🙂

I believe the key to experiencing acceptance is to find it within yourself. To love who you are, just as you are. You are perfect 🙂

Anxiety healing allows us to live a full life!

Over these past few months, I have seen drastic changes in all areas of my life. First, my thoughts are so much clearer since they are not clogged up by the endless cycle of anxiety! Literally, all I could think about for months at a time, was anxiety. I know my husband, who is always so patient and understanding, was tired of hearing me talk about how I was so anxious. Since I have been taking some medication the chemicals in my brain are balanced out and I am able to focus on thinking about everything else! 🙂

I also have been having a lot of stress at work, but the positive kind of stress, and I have not had any anxiety! I have been given a lot of more responsibility and I have been leading my own department, planning lessons for other teachers, and mentoring. I am thriving in my career! I love feeling like myself again and living out my passion every day! Teaching!!

Last year when my anxiety was pushed into overdrive from a birth control I was taking, I never thought I would be normal again. I thought anxiety would always control me. I never imagined I could take control, and steer my life in the direction I wanted.

I do not believe that taking medication should be the only solution to anxiety. However, there are times when it is necessary. During those times, it is important to learn other coping skills, in addition to the meds, to help curb the anxiety. One of my good friends, who is a counselor, told me that medication allows our brain to become balanced enough so that we can use our coping skills instead of continually focusing on the panic of anxiety. That really was a great explanation. Also, exercise helps a lot and can help refocus the brain. Yoga has helped me learn how to breath through stress and it has really opened up my chest, which always tightens when my anxiety is high.

I full understand what it is like to be stuck in the darkest moments of anxiety. To feel panic rising through the body. I know what it is like to not be able to focus on the world around you because you are too terrified and stuck in your own thoughts. I have been there, and I’m sure I will be there again. Just remember that there is hope. Anxiety does not have to control your life! You are free to live the life you want. Anxiety Free (or well…under control) 🙂

Victory!

The last two days I have been in a work training with representatives of the state, and I have to admit that I am proud of myself because I didn’t have any anxiety at all during the entire meeting!! It feels good to be at this place because just 3 months ago I had a panic attack during a work meeting. It was horrible. I have come a long ways and 3 months. Lots of healthy eating, prayer, exercise (yoga is my fav) and family support!

My advise to anyone struggling now, is to keep pressing forward. Know that your present or past DO NOT define you. It is your choice to mold your future how you want it to be @