Finding Myself Today!

Yesterday I was really struggling with the idea that I can no longer experience carefree moments or spontaneous adventures. Well, today instead of wallowing in”poor me”, I decided to be proactive! I took my daughter and husband outside and we all played in the sprinklers! It felt so great to run around in the water and laugh hysterically!

Sometimes in the rush of responsibility and parenthood I forget to find the joy in the everyday. My daughter’s laugh and her enormous smile when in tickle her! My husband’s lips on mine as he says good morning. These moments are perfect.

I need to make sure I don’t take them for granted.

Here is the smile that lights my heart on fire!

Final Days

We have reached the last full day of our road trip. It is bittersweet, because I am READY to be in my own bed, but I love all the memories we have been making and adventures we have been having! Once we get back home, we want to make sure we find adventure in our everyday life! Foster the love of nature in our daughter, continue to bond together as a family, and laugh much more often!

Today, We took another trip to Zion National Park to see the Emerald Pools! We were at the bottom of a canyon type area and the water spilled over the edge of the cliff down on us. It was incredibly beautiful.

I love being in the middle of creation and realizing that I am apart of something bigger. After going to see the Rocky Mountain National Park and Zion National Park, my husband and I have made a goal to visit all the national parks in the country! We have been to a few others, but we want to make that our Bucket List!

Whoohooo!

Success!!

NO ANXIETY! NO ARGUING! NO BABY MELTDOWNS!! The first day of our road trip was a success! It was a great family experience for the three of us!

Today we reach Our Destination in Colorado, so we are ready for another day of adventure! Everything is packed and ready bright and early! We have a pit stop about half way through at my husband’s aunt’s ranch where my daughter will have a chance to run around and explore!

Prayers for safe travels and family bonding! I will keep you updated!

Beautiful Night

Tonight was beautiful in its simplicity. Not only was I completely anxiety free, but my little family of three was able to spend time together distraction free. Cellphones and television shows weren’t even missed on this perfect night!

My husband, daughter (11 months old) and I enjoyed a peaceful pasta dinner around the table while Jazz Christmas songs played softly in the background. The melodies intertwined with our conversations and we spent most of the dinner joyously laughing.

After dinner, it was bath time for my daughter, so my husband, without prompting, took her into the bathroom and proceeded to wash her! It was incredible!

Once my little angel was bathed, my husband and I both went into her bedroom and read her a Christmas story. It is not often that we get to enjoy putting her to bed together, and I treasure those moments when we do.

Tonight was perfectly simple, yet as went through the actions, my heart was overflowing with joy. I grew up in an incredibly close-knit family, and it was my dream to have one of my own. Tonight, I realized, my dream has come true. We may not be perfect, but our impressions make us stronger. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

You Can Beat It

You can beat it
The pain will NOT win
You will overcome
No matter your past
Your future is new
You can beat it

Developmental Assessment

Yesterday we took my daughter to get her developmental follow up exam that she needed after her stay in the NICU. 

After our time with the doctor, the doctor said our daughter is on target cognatively and doing really well on her language development. We Also learned that, She is a month delayed on her gross motor skills. At first I was concerned to hear that, because no one wants to hear their child has a delay, however, the doctor said that we will be able to help her catch up by doing more tummy time, and other excersises that help her limber up. 

The only major concern the doctor had was our daughter’s weight. Her weight has dropped off the scale, so we are going to begin using mostly formula to help bulk her up. The doctor said that she is hopeful that our daughter will be able to put on the weight she needs. 

I have been anxious about the exam over the last few months, because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Although, she needs to gain more weight, and it is a concern at this time, I feel that the overall feel of the exam was positive. The doctor was very happy with how she was coming along overall and said we are a great family. 

Please send prayers for her development of her gross motor skills and her weight gain journey. Thank you for all your love and support! 

Christmas to Me

Christmas to me has always been about two things: Jesus Christ, and my family.

Each year at this time, I take time to reflect on why Christ was born, and the true meaning behind his miraculous birth. I am reminded that   He came here to create relationships with us. To build a bridge to cover the distance between holiness and humanity, and the way we cross that bridge is by choosing to enter into a relationship with Him. It is not at all about the things we do. It is purely about the love He gives freely. We celebrate His birth because He saved us in spite of ourselves.

I find the fact that Jesus loves me in spite of me to be incredibly comforting, especially in light of my anxiety disorder. It is often hard to imagine Jesus loving me when my mind and spirit are often filled with anxiety and fear. Many times for unknown reasons. However, who better to understand fear and anxiety than Jesus? He willingly went to the cross to die, and he was able to push through the incredible anxiety and fear that he was experiencing, and face death, to ensure we would spend eternity at his side. That to me is mind blowing! I can barely push through my anxiety when sitting in the middle of a movie theater row, let alone face death! We are so lucky to serve such an amazing God.

The second thing that comes to mind during the Christmas season, for me, is family. There is nothing more important to me than family. My family and I are incredibly close and we have so many traditions that we carry out every year. My mother makes cinnamon rolls that we have on Christmas morning. We exchange pajamas on Christmas Eve so we will look cute in our Christmas morning photos. We attend Christmas Eve Service together and watch loads of Christmas movies. It is an incredibly joyous time in our home(s) during this time of year. I feel so lucky because as I grow older, and work with more and more students of dysfunctional homes, I realize that not everyone is happy during this time of year. Not everyone has good memories of the holidays. The more these facts hit closer to my heart, I am more and more grateful for the life God has blessed me with.

Today, I fell even deeper in love with  my family, because I happened to come across an old children’s book my mother use to read to us around this time of year (the Polar Express), and she read it to us! Let me remind you that I am 30 years old and my brother is 26. My mom, dad, brother and myself all squeezed into my parents bed (a king size thankfully) while she read it to us. There was lots of laughing and flashbacks to our childhood, but it truly was one of the most magical family moments we have ever had. I hope that I am able to give this type of happiness and togetherness to my children in the future.

As Christmas Day comes, I think we all need to remember the true reasons why we celebrate this holiday. It is easy to loose sight of its meaning when we are constantly bombarded with consumerism and selfishness. Take time to reflect on your blessings and give hugs to all those whom you love.

Merry Christmas.

 

Step 1 of the Foster Process

Today, my husband and I had our first chat with the foster care agency we are working with and had our screening. We were asked information about our background, and preferences with the children we would be willing to take into our home. We go to our orientation on Thursday evening and we will have many of our questions answered. After the orientation we will be working on getting all of our paper work submitted, and then go through 30 hours of training.

It was all very exciting to actually begin the process, especially since fostering/adopting a child is something that I have wanted to do for years. It feel surreal that my husband is on board and 100% invested as well. I know that it is not going to be an easy process by any stretch of the imagination. I understand (to the best of my limited experience) that there will be difficult times and heartbreak. However, on the flip side, I know that this is something that God has placed on our hearts and all the pain will be worth it.

I will continue to keep you all updated as we get further into the process and any other thoughts or questions that I need help with!

Thanks for all your love and support!

Family Visits!

The school that I work at has recently switched to a modified year round schedule, so we are now on our 2 week Fall Break. I must say, I am really going to enjoy this schedule! Tomorrow, my aunt and uncle are coming to visit, from St. Louis! I haven’t seen them in a long time, so I am really looking forward to seeing them. Plus, this will be their first visit to my home in Arizona!

It will be so wonderful to be able to show them the life that I have built here, and how much I have changed over the couple years. I am pumped!

Never take things for granted

Just a few hours ago, my mother-in-law called me and let me know that her sister passed away. It was very sudden and took us a little off guard. She has been battling sickness for a long time, but had been better. However, as heart-breaking as this is, I know that she is happy and in a wonderful place now.

Death has a tendency to quickly put our lives into perspective. It reminds us that life is not endless and we never know when something will happen that will turn our lives upside down. Since I heard the news, I have been thinking about how much I love my family and friends. I have had a beautiful life full of love and hope. Even with all the pain of my struggles with my anxiety disorder, I would never change anything about my life. I want to remember to take time each day to thank God for the life He has blessed me with.