I haven’t been posting a lot lately because my husband and I have been remodeling our garage! It has been a wonderful experience for us because it has really brought us together. In a marriage, you go through ups and downs and we had been in a period in which we seemed to be getting on each others nerves more often than not! LOL! Well since we have been working cohesively, as a team, to get the work done, we have reconnected! It has been wonderful. It is really interesting that when you work together to reach a common goal, the closer you become. This can be true in many other relationships. When we have our eyes on the same target, we shoot straight, together. 🙂 Check out the pictures from our project! It is still a work in progress, but I am really happy about what we have accomplished so far!
Today has been wonderful because my parent flew into town for my birthday and we have just been enjoying out time together! We watched the Walking Dead, went to dinner and just chatted. I miss living closer than 1900 miles apart, and it always is fantastic when I am around them.
My birthday was fantastic because not only did my parents show up, but my husband and students spoiled me! My husband got me a huge paint set and many of my students got me little gifts and made me posters telling me how much they love me! It made all the hard work I have been putting into my job completely worth it!
I have to say that so far…30 is pretty fantastic!
Have you ever felt complex drained of all emotion, and you are left feeling utterly exhausted? Well, that is where I am right now. The past 24 hours have been very challenging emotionally. I had some drama, which I hate, at work, and it all left me very upset and ridiculously anxious. I must say the only thing that got me through the day was the support and love of my friends. They are incredible and wonderful, and there is not enough praise in their world for me to give them.
I think it is virtually impossible to fight anxiety alone. I also think it is difficult to go through any struggle on your own. Friends and family are so important to help ease our struggles and help us in our darkest days. Today was difficult but my friends were there for me and I was able to get through it! They loved me just as I am!
Over the past few days I have been researching my grandfather and what he did during his time over in Europe during WWII. He was a Sargent in the 95th Infantry Division. As I have been researching I found out that he liberated a work camp in France and also liberated a town called Metz in France. It is incredible to learn about the things he had done and experienced while he was over in Europe.
Our culture has romanticized the WWII time period and we have seen so many films and read so many books about the time period, however, there are times when we forget that those men and women actually experienced those events. I always knew that my grandfather had fought in the war, but I had never thought about how he felt while fighting. How he saw his fellow soldiers die, villages burn, and lives forever altered. I now have a new appreciation for what he did and how he survived.
I just wanted to share my new developments with you guys and how proud I am of my grandfather!
Today was my grandma’s funeral and since I live so far away, I was unable to go. It is hard being away from family, especially during times like this. My family told me that 100 people came to pay their respects, and I was very happy to hear that.
Thank you for all your prayers and condolences. She is at peace now and smiling down on all of us!
Throughout the course of my life, I have seen my Grandma as a larger than life character, taken straight from the crisp, white pages of a gently worn novel. In my eyes, she has always been a woman of incredible strength and unparallel passion. I have always imagined her defying the rules of a patriarchal society and challenging the belief that women were the weaker sex. There was nothing in the world Grandma couldn’t do. To prove this fact, she would often go against of the grains of expectation to demonstrate her abilities. Perhaps this was purely her stubbornness, which she possessed in no short quantity, or perhaps there was a deeper motivation for her continual challenges posed to society. We may never know what caused her to continually push the boundaries, but we do know that God planted a seed inside her which grew to touch the hearts of all those around her.
Grandma’s unconventional characteristics allowed her to shine brightly above the rest. By living a life that constantly pushed the boundaries, she demonstrated to me what it means to be an individual. To not care about the opinions of others and follow to my own heart, and reach out and follow the dreams God bestowed upon me. She taught me that the negative voices of others should be drowned out and overpowered by the persistent, voice that whispers continual encouragement. She demonstrated that life was not meant to be lived in conformity. We were each given unique talents that are meant to be used and not squandered.
The lessons she demonstrated through her life showed that life is not meant to be lived from the sidelines. Life is meant to be grabbed by the horns, and wrestled into submission. There is a world that lives and dies each day and it is our job as human beings to fill those hours with passion. With heart. With a stubbornness to seize every precious moment of sunlight and make it our own. She illustrated through her life that we are to unapologetically squeeze every delicious drop of passion from this world before we are to return to our place of Paradise.
I am truly grateful for the lessons she has taught me because they have molded me into the woman I am today. I am strong. Confident. Talented. Creative. And brave. These are all qualities I have inherited from the woman who was too stubborn to take no for an answer. Grandma, I will always carry you in my heart, and I will continually challenge the societal rules that dictate what a woman can and cannot do.
Thank you for living a loud, proud, and bold life.
Today was a very emotionally draining day. This morning I got a call from my father letting me know my grandma had passed away last night. She was 92 and had lived a very full life, so I am happy for the life she was able to live. She was a very strong woman and had taken up leadership roles and took part in politics when that was not something women did. She did not let her gender keep her from doing what she wanted. She followed her passions and made her way in life, no matter what anyone said. I have lots of fun memories with my grandma and I will always treasure them.
I hate that I am so far from my family during this time, and I wish there was more I could do to help. So in the mean time, I am sending out my prayers and continuing to call/text to be emotionally supportive to my father.
On a slight deviation from my grandmother, my emotional day continued when I came seconds away from relapsing into another panic attack. Currently I am out of town at At a work conference, so I do not have my own vehicle. We have been given a huge white van to drive and none of us have much experience driving large vehicles. The woman who drove it, whom I am thankful for, did a good job handling it, but we got stuck in horrendous traffic. We are not use to traffic because own town is tiny so we never think about those sorts of delays. Two of my panic arrack triggers is traffic jams and feeling sick. While we were stuck in the traffic, I started to get car sick! Both of my triggers were occurring at the same time and I started to feel my body slip into the beginning stages of panic. My arms went numb and I started to get real hot and fidgety. I closed my eyes and tried to stay positive, and I also told my close friend who happened to be one of the ladies on this trip with me. She then tried to encourage me and helped me take my mind off the encroaching panic. We ended up being stuck In traffic for over an hour and a half. Our trip was only 18 miles… However, the best part is that I never did have that panic attack!
Needless to say, I feel very emotionally drained from the death of my grandmother and fighting off the panic attack. Tomorrow is a new day and I will see it in a new light. Grandma is in a wonderful place and has been reunited with the love of her life! And my panic was beaten and I can do it again if I need to!!
My husband and I are nearing the point in our lives were we are wanting to truly consider becoming parents, and I don’t mean to our dogs. Real human beings. Or perhaps just a singular being. There are lots of unknown questions and fears we both have in regards to this area because we want to be sure we are ready and prepared when the little fellow arrives. I know parenthood is not something that can be planned for 100%, but since I struggle with anxiety I want to be proactive.
My biggest fear about being a parent is that my anxiety will get in the way of me being able to be a good parent. Logically in my mind I know I will be a good mother, since I “raise” my students well at school. However, the anxious part of my brain tells me that I will be a mess! To fight back my own anxiety, I am going to arm myself with knowledge and support from friends and family. I want to be open about the struggles and the triumphs as my husband and I begin to map out this journey.
I wanted to share this with you because you have all be so supportive of my anxious conquerings and so many of you have given me such wonderful advice! Thank you for helping me win this battle!
During our Christmas vacation (teaching is an amazing profession) my husband and I watched a lot of movies. Over the last few days we have guiltlessly been indulging in animated films. Since my husband hadn’t seen Madagascar, and I know it almost entirely by hear, I decided to show him the movie. He instantly fell in love with it, and even though he is 30 years old, wanted to watch all three of the films.
As we watched, I realized one of the main characters, Melman the giraffe, clearly had an anxiety disorder. He is an extreme hypochondriac and is afraid of literally everything. Melman has always been my favorite character, and now I understand why. I can relate to his anxieties and I enjoy the humor that is used on an often difficult subject. It was really profound to be able to watch this movie with a fresh new prospective and be able to analyze the character qualities and discover new themes I had never noticed as a child.
I realized that even though Melman’s disorder was profound, he never seemed to be ashamed of himself. He didn’t try to hide it from everyone. His friends actually embraced him for who was was. Anxiety and all. In fact, his anxiety made him even more lovable.
I think we can all learn a lesson from Melman and his friends, Marty, Gloria and Alex. Those of us who struggle with anxiety can take to heart what it means to not be ashamed of ourselves or hide away from those we love. We do not need to live our lives in the shadows. We can have adventures, even if our anxiety tags along. Those of us who do not have a disorder can learn that we need to be supportive of our loved ones with one and be open to listening to their problems. Just as the gang did for Melman!
I love re-watching my favorite childhood movies and discovering the themes I overlooked as a child. If you have not seen this movie, or haven’t seen it in a long time, I suggest you watch it!
Good Mid-Morning to you!
The mountain dwelling Arizonans, such as myself, are all waiting in anticipation because we are currently under a Winter Weather Warning! Starting tonight, it is suppose to start snowing between 4-8 inches! In the past three years that I have lived in this beautiful state I have not even seen it snow 1 inch! So, I am anxiously (not the bad kind) awaiting the arrival of the snow!
Coming from a state that regularly sees snowfall, I LOVE snow! I am looking forward to being transported back to the days of my youth as I watch the snowflakes dance towards the ground! I’ll keep you updated on the snowfall and let you know if we are snowed in! 🙂