I have really struggled with coming to terms with my past encounters with anxiety, and I have discussed the details at lengths in my previous posts. However, the idea of growing stronger due to hardships has been brought to my attention once again. It is a lesson we can always learn.
Remember, when you are in a dark place, you are growing. You are being groomed for something. You experiences in the dark are going to lead you to an amazing future. Joel Osteen explained it beautifully. He said that a seed cannot grow unless it is planted into the darkness of the soil. In our times of suffering, we are the seed growing into a beautiful flower.
We all go through times in life when the darkness is all encompassing. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone has turned their back and we feel utterly alone and isolated. The good news is that There is always hope! Hope for a new beginning. Hope in finding happiness. Hope to bask in the light once again and feel peaceful to your core.
I was trapped in this thinking. I was lost to darkness and despair. I felt there was no way out of it and I would be trapped in sadness my whole life. However, my God and Savior reached out to me and gave me a new hope. He reminded me that I was strong and I could push through. Even though I was still followed by anxiety and fear, I pushed onward and never gave up. Now I am healing and I have days where I feel no anxiety. However I know it will always be apart of my life but My strength is supernaturally provided and I will motor on.
You don’t have to live in darkness. There is always hope. Don’t give up.
Facing an opposition head on can be a terrifying and intimidating idea for those who of us who struggle with anxiety. The mere thought of going against the fear that consumes our minds triggers tight chests and shortened breath! Speaking from experience, someone with anxiety would most likely prefer to go out of their way to avoid their fears instead of facing them.
In real life avoidance may not be possible. Opposition may be something we cannot hide from, so we have to decide to take back control. Our fears will no longer control us! We push onward in spite of the anxiety we feel.
Fear will not keep us from living our lives, it will only force us to be stronger!
Everyday I find myself experiencing more and more personal victories that I never thought I would be able to reach. One of my most difficult anxiety triggers is traffic jams, and today I was stuck in a HUGE one. It took us 2 hours to go 14 miles! We had just driven onto the highway when we realized that traffic was stopped. Literally, we had to put our work van (since we were heading out on a business trip) in park for 10 or minutes at a time! People around us were going crazy, jumping out of their cars, driving on the median, cutting people off and driving across to the other side of the highway to get out of the traffic. Being a mature and law abiding citizen, I did none of these things, well I should say my husband did none of these things. He was lucky enough to be chosen to go on this training with me. I feel very blessed that he was able to go on this trip with me this time because being around him helps me feel calm and peaceful.
When I first saw the endless line of shining vehicals, as far as my eyes could see, anxiety immediatly clawed at my chest. I felt the rising panic threatened to send me into hysterics, but I was on a work outing and I couldn’t let anyone see the terror in my eyes. I keep practicing my self talk and told myself over and over that I would be ok and that I would not be stuck in the traffic forever. It will pass. Slowly the itching panic began to subside and was replaced with calm. Even though we were stuck in the car for two hours, only going 10 miles on hour, I never complained. I whinned a little, but only about how frustrating it was. I remember times in the past where I had full on fits or panic attacks when I was stuck in traffic. BUT! God has brought me so far along in my healing and I am so thankful! It was a huge test to be able to pass and I am exstatic!
There have been times in my past where I hid away from the world. Buried myself deep inside my blankets and imagined myself in another life. A life that was anxiety free. Where I was able to conquer the world and be a hero in everyone’s eyes. I lived my life through characters on a page or on the television. I honestly thought love and adventure was true for everyone but me. Everyone else was destined for something great, but I was only destined to be full of fear. I did not think I deserved to be happy, and I am not sure where this thinking derived.
As I have grown older, I realize that life is not meant to be watched from the sidelines. It is meant to be grabbed by the horns and roped and bent to your will. Everyday we are alive is another chance to make something great happen. To find beauty in the unexpected. Experience transformation of the soul that is triggered by jumping head first into adventure. I know now that this applies to me. I was not created to be a creature of fear and dread. I may have anxiety, but I am NOT anxiety. This disorder does not mean that I am a less worthy human being, it only means that I am human like everyone else. All people struggle with something dark and are afraid to expose it for fear of rejection, but we cannot continue to miss incredible life moments because we are afraid of our weaknesses! We must break down our walls and show our true selves, good and bad, and watch the world around is transform into a more accepting and loving place.
Do not love your life in fear of your own weakness. Do not let it hold you back from the destiny you were created for. Take a risk. Be stronger than your fear. Overcome.