finding peace with myself | The Persistent Platypus

The road towards self acceptance, for me, has been a long and windy one. In high school I would often wish I was someone else. Someone who was beautiful, thin, confident and brilliant. I always felt I was too thick, too lazy, or too scared to ever be accepted by anyone. However, as I am growing older I am realizing that the only way for others to begin to accept me, is if I accept myself first.

People seem naturally drawn towards individuals who are confident in themselves. People who don’t apologize for being who they are and do not care if their true self is exposed. I feel I have finally reached a point in my life where I accepted ALL of who I am. I feel that I have come to peace with the fact that I am a curvy size 10/12 woman. It took forever to reach this point, but I finally love my body for what it is, and I no longer covet the smaller figure.

I have also learned to embrace my ADHD. Truthfully, I have always enjoyed being hyperactive and quick to comment. I have always felt that it made me unique. I am by no means saying I don’t get frustrated when I loose or forget about something, because I am constantly fighting that battle. The difference is that when I am frustrated, I no longer resent the fact that I have ADHD. I tell myself, yes this may be frustrating that this is happening to me, but it is who I am and it will only make me a stronger woman.

However, I had not (until recently) accepted my anxiety. For years I would pray every night for God to take away my anxiety. To set me free from the chains of worry that were clamped to my ankles and weighing me down. I waited for an answer and became angry when I did not get one. Now I am seeing that God has been answering my prayers, just not in the way I wanted Him to. I now am realizing that my anxiety had been controlling me and I allowed it to do so. I was blaming God for not instantly taking away my problems. He wanted more from me. I had to fight and claw my way through the disorder and come out a different person before I could see the work He was doing in me the entire time. I needed to rise above and take back the control. God had placed people around to help guide me right to where I needed to be in my healing process. There was so much available to me, but I had shut everyone out and tried to heal myself on my own. Once I let go of trying to force change, doors seemed to open for me and little by little I began to heal. Does it suck to have anxiety? Heck yes it does! But does that mean my life is over and I can never find happiness or peace? Absolutely not! Now, I can finally say that I accept my anxiety. It is part of who I am and it always will be. And guess what!? I am OK with that. 🙂

I believe the key to experiencing acceptance is to find it within yourself. To love who you are, just as you are. You are perfect 🙂

This morning my bible study, Everyday A Friday by Joel Osteen, was about not allowing our disadvantages stunt the progression of our lives. I really felt that this message speak to me. For years I had prayed for my anxiety to go away so that I could live fully. There has been apart of me that has been frustrated and annoyed because I still suffer from it. I always felt that I could never be happy unless my anxiety was cured. In other words, for years I have been stuck in my own private pity party. However, over the last few months I have been learning that my happiness and fulfillment of my life is not dependent on whether I have anxiety or not. It is all about the perspective I choose. I could view my anxiety of something that holds me back from my potential OR I could see it as a blessing I can utilize to help others who struggle with the same thing. Isaac Asimov said, “It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly.” I choose to face my anxiety boldly and realize that I may always have it, and that is ok. It doesn’t mean that I will miss out on a great life. It means that my struggle can be used to help out others.