God gave me an incredible gift that helps keep my anxiety at bay. That gift is my beautiful daughter. Since she has been born I have been able to fight better against my own thoughts and anxieties. She reminds me of the miracles God has done in my life. She, herself, is a miracle.
If you haven’t read my blog before, here is a quick rundown of her birth story. She was born 10 weeks early due to my development of severe preeclampsia. She stayed in the NICU for 50 days, and is completely perfect and wonderful! We just had a developmental check this past weekend, and she has caught up in her gross motor skills, and is slightly advanced in her play and language skills!
The experience of her early birth was terrifying, but I had a peace inside of me. A peace that told me God was taking care of everything. Even when it seemed like He wasn’t there, I knew in my heart that He was. During those turbulent days, I had ZERO anxiety! Every time I look at her I see God’s Hand, and my anxiety is erased.
Thank you God, for my perfect baby. I love being a mother to her!
Your life started rough
But you are strong and so loved
You are my baby.
**To my beautiful daughter who has been out of the NICU for almost 5 months and is healthy and incredible! She teaches me so much everyday, and lights up my life with her smile. I can’t imagine life without her in it. 🙂
It has been just under a week since my husband and I found out that we are pregnant, and the news still hasn’t fully sunk-in. I keep having moments of face-slapping reality hit me at random times, when at the same time it still feels like we are still just having hypothetical conversations. It is all very confusing and exhilarating! I am not sure when it will all become fully real, but I am continuing to thank God each day and pray that development goes well.
As for my anxiety, yesterday it hit me full force. I was feeling incredibly dizzy and nauseous, and my husband and I had to go to a meeting to discuss paperwork with our relator. Our relator’s office was incredibly small, and I was sitting up against the wall when I started to feel a panic attack coming on. It has been two years since my last attack, and I didn’t want to regress so I told my husband what was happening, when the relator stepped out, and he helped redirect my thoughts. Luckily, the meeting wasn’t very long and I was able to talk myself down from going into a full blown attack.
Yesterday made me very anxious about the next few weeks in my pregnancy, where the morning sickness will be at its peak. So far, yesterday was the only day where I felt any of those symptoms, but unfortunately, one of my anxiety triggers is feeling sick in public, so it is beginning to feel like an endless obsessive circle.
To help combat these anxious thoughts, I have been open with my husband and my closest friends about how I have been feeling, because going through anxiety alone only exacerbates my symptoms. Also, I am going to work on keeping positive thoughts and not allowing myself to get sucked into negativing thinking.
What was anxiety like for you when you were pregnant?
It may sound strange, but I am thankful for my anxiety. My anxiety has been plaguing me for years and not even 6 months ago I would have wanted nothing more than to be rid of it forever. However, examining myself now, after learning to come to terms with my disorder, I am feeling grateful. I still wish I did not have an anxiety disorder, but without it I do not think I would be where I am today.
My anxiety has taught me how to pay attention to my body. To listen to each ache, each thought in my mind and every tightening of my chest. I feel in-tune with myself for the first time and am learning to accept myself one hundred percent.
Anxiety has also helped me create new friendships that I never would have imagined I would make. Since I have become vocal about my disorder, several people have told me they deal with the same struggles. We have now created our own support system and lean on one another in our times of need. It is beautiful.
Finally, I am most thankful for my anxiety because it led me to WordPress! I wanted to find a way to express myself and share my struggles with others, and I found WordPress! It feels wonderful to be able to unload my anxious thoughts onto the screen and receive all of your positive feedback! You all have helped me heal and have taught me not to be ashamed of my illness!
Thank you for all of your support as I continually strive to conquer my anxiety! Happy Thanksgiving!