Powerful Emotions

Since becoming a parent, I have noticed that my emotions are bigger and deeper than I ever thought possible. I have a difficult time watching shows or movies where children are hurt or seperated from their parents, because I can fully understand how it would feel. 

Today I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that was about a pregnant woman who died after a car crash, but her baby was saved. This story felt a lot like my own since I was rushed to the hospital with extreme preeclampsia and my family stayed for a week with me. Clearly, I didn’t die nor did my precious baby, but the story felt too close to home. Since I watched the episode, I have experienced anxiety. Although I got to take my baby home from the hospital almost two months ago, I can still feel every emotion clearly. The fear. The anxiety. The helplessness. I will never forget those feelings. 

I praise God every day, every moment, that I hold my daughter in my arms. He is who saved us. He brought us through the desert of pain and heartbreak into a oasis of life and love. 

Missing my baby…

Being a NICU mom is incredibly challenging. It is day 26 for Eisley in the NICU, she is doing great, but as I wake up at 2 am to pump, I wish she was here with me instead of at the hospital. I wish that I was breastfeeding here and comforting her in the middle of the night instead of setting an alarm to pump into bottles for her NICU stockpile. I wish I could hold her and snuggle her right now and not have to wait until my 20 minute car ride later today. 

I know that God has a plan for all of this, and I trust Him completely. He knows that my heart yearns for my baby girl to be near me, and he understands the ache. Even though this journey is unbelievably difficult, I know He is here with me every step of the way, holding me up and giving me strength.