I believe a common misconception in this day and age, is that love is a feeling, and once you have that feeling the world will be butterflies and rainbows forever. That loves means we will never have to put forth any effort to continue the passion with our partner. Now, I do not claim to be an expert by any means. I have only been married for 20 months. I am still growing and learning about true and honest love. However, I believe that marriage can be compared to the waves in the ocean. There are wonderful times where both parties feel connected and satisfied, and there are times where there is conflict and tension that leads to a disconnect. These times of conflict does not reflect an unhealthy marriage. In fact, I believe these times are a sign of a healthy one, as long as both spouses work through it as a team.
Over these past 20 months, I have learned a lot about myself and what I thought love was. I said I understood love was difficult, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and carefree all the time. However, when my husband, whom I adore, and I reached difficult times where we struggled to stay connected, the full weight of “it’s not going to be easy” struck me. We have found our most difficult times are when we are lost in our daily routines. Those times when we go through the motions of our day and neglect to get outside of our comfort zones to show each other how much we truly care.
These times of tension and discomfort, are the times when my husband and I grow the most. To get beyond the friction, we are forced to examine ourselves and discover areas where we can improve upon that will allow us to become a better partner. Often times I compare these trials to a rock being polished. For the rock to become smooth and desirable, it must undergo pressure and refinement. That is exactly true for a marriage. If a couple was to stay stagnant, and be without tension or conflict, then they could never grow stronger. Again, this could be comparable to muscles. The only way for muscles to become stronger is to push, stretch and lift them until they bulk up. A marriage without strengthening will crumble when difficulties arise. I do not want to be one of those who crumble.
Marriage is a beautiful design for two people to merge their lives into one. It is not easy, but once we reach the other side of tension and find ourselves back into an easy flow, we all become stronger and closer.