Wait out Anxious Moments

Over the past few days I have been waiting for a gift I purchased, for my husband, to arrive in the mail with anxious anticipation. I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something was wrong. It seemed to be taking an exceptionally long period of time to receive the gift, so I checked again online to track the item. The tracking invoice stated that the gift had been delivered two days ago, yet I had not seen it. At this point in time, my anxiety was climbing towards a 10 out of 10, and I didn’t want to loose a personalized wedding anniversary gift to a complete stranger.

Upon more investigation, I discovered that it had been shipped to the address I had lived at when I first moved to Arizona. I hadn’t lived there in over two years, so I started to panic. I called the Post Office, and the man was very kind, however, not overly helpful. He confirmed that the package had been delivered, which meant it wasn’t lost in the mail. I

now had images of some random person keeping my personalized gift and displaying on their mantle and admiring it! The rational part of my brain told me this would be odd, because not many people have our names and wedding date in combination.

My husband reminded me that my old roommate, who owned the house, could still be renting it out. So, I sent her a text. While I was waiting I felt anxiety’s icy fingers wrap around my chest and start to squeeze. It took all the strength I had to fight against it. I kept telling myself that it would all be ok. If I never got the package, there was nothing I could do about it. Anxiety kept trying to take over, yet I kept up the self talk. This internal battle raged on for what felt like forever, when finally I noticed my phone had a new message. I clicked on the little green SMS icon and opened the text. It was from my old roommate! It said that she had my package and I could come pick it up at any time! I couldn’t believe it! God was really looking out for me!

As soon I told my husband the good news I felt the grip of the anxiety lift off my shoulders! Had this incident occurred 6 months ago I would have been anxious for days. I have felt myself grow so much in the ways I approach my anxiety in the face of struggle. I am glad that I kept up the fight against allowing it to overwhelm me, because had I not, my day could have been spent in an endless cycle of worry about something that was far beyond my control.

If you are in fight against a mental disorder, don’t give up! You will be able to beat it! Reach out those around you. You are strong, and you are most definitely NOT alone!

My family accepts my anxiety!

Yesterday my father and mother spoke open and honestly with me about my anxiety and all that I have been learning about it. It was an amazing conversation because there was zero judgement or negativity. They were curious to learn about what I had discovered and hear all about my blog. My father even suggested that I can use my experiences with anxiety to write a book! (Great idea dad!)

It felt so good to be able to feel my anxiety was accepted by my parents. It’s a difficult subject to discuss and I’m sure they never wanted their daughter to struggle with the disorder. However, the last time they had seen me (in June) I was a complete mess. My anxiety had taken over and I was very sick. I could tell they were really worried about me because they had no idea it has gotten so bad, and it was easy to make it not seem like a big deal when we only get to talk through FaceTime. I don’t think I kept it from them on purpose, but I think deep down I was ashamed. I am learning, however, that it’s not my fault. It’s a chemical issue. Not a personal one. I think my parents are learning that too. It’s not a lack of good parenting, because they are incredible parents. They are learning, along side me, that anxiety is a chemical imbalance.

It felt amazing to be so healthy and be able to show them how much I have grown. They told me they could see a huge difference and they were so proud of me! It is wonderful that these walls have been broken down and we have bonded over something that was meant to destroy us! We are a strong family!

If you are debating telling your family about your mental illness, take the risk! I didn’t think it would be as easy as it was, and had I known they would be so accepting, I would have told them the extent of the problem years ago! I love love LOVE my family!

Thankful for Anxiety

It may sound strange, but I am thankful for my anxiety. My anxiety has been plaguing me for years and not even 6 months ago I would have wanted nothing more than to be rid of it forever. However, examining myself now, after learning to come to terms with my disorder, I am feeling grateful. I still wish I did not have an anxiety disorder, but without it I do not think I would be where I am today.

My anxiety has taught me how to pay attention to my body. To listen to each ache, each thought in my mind and every tightening of my chest. I feel in-tune with myself for the first time and am learning to accept myself one hundred percent.

Anxiety has also helped me create new friendships that I never would have imagined I would make. Since I have become vocal about my disorder, several people have told me they deal with the same struggles. We have now created our own support system and lean on one another in our times of need. It is beautiful.

Finally, I am most thankful for my anxiety because it led me to WordPress! I wanted to find a way to express myself and share my struggles with others, and I found WordPress! It feels wonderful to be able to unload my anxious thoughts onto the screen and receive all of your positive feedback! You all have helped me heal and have taught me not to be ashamed of my illness!

Thank you for all of your support as I continually strive to conquer my anxiety! Happy Thanksgiving!