OH MY GOSH! I DID IT!

OH.MY.GOSH! I did it, guys! I FINALLY wrote a story! I wrote it from start to finish! I didn’t over think it, I didn’t over plan. I just wrote. I can’t believe it. I have been dreaming about writing a story for more than 25 years, and I FINALLY did it!

All of these years I have been thinking that I wanted to write YA stories, which I still do. However, since having a child, my eyes have been open to the world of children’s books. I had always had the idea in the back of my head, but never pursued it. My father ALWAYS told me I should, and I never thought much about it. Until now!

Since my daughter has taken such an interested in books, I wanted to use my talent for writing to bond together. I wanted to write something parents could enjoy while reading to their children. I wanted to share the joy of words with parents and children everywhere! There is no better feeling than having your child snuggle up against you and ask for you to read a book! And what better book to read than one I wrote! HA!

I am so proud of myself, and over the moon with excitement! I am not sure where this journey will lead, but I’m excited to see where God takes this!

Thank you everyone for your support as I have vented in the past! I came close to giving up my dream of being a writer, but you all encouraged me to keep going. And for that I am eternally grateful!

 

Starting up my own business!

Sorry I have been absent for a few days, but things have been a little crazy! This last week I decided to begin my own little photography business! I have wanted to for years, but it never seemed right. However, this Christmas I received a new MacBook Pro (yay!!) and Photoshop, and more people have been asking for my photography services, so I decided to go forward do it!

It is incredibly exciting!! However, I do feel slightly exposed, because what if people see my work and think it sucks? Or no one ever sets up any appointments, and it goes nowhere..? I didn’t expect to feel as if I was standing naked in front of everyone! I am proud of my work, but putting it out there as a profession is intimidating!

So far everyone has been incredibly supportive and kind about everything! It’s been kinda wild, to be honest! But I am looking forward to seeing where this all leads!

Here are a few of my most recent shots.

Follow your dream

I will be the first person to admit how hard it is to go after your dreams. Ever since I was a kid, I have wanted to write a book. However, every time I come up with a great idea and start writing, I inevitably reach a point where I don’t think it is good enough, and I quit. I think the story isn’t originally enough and no one will read it. I get writers block and I don’t push through. There are several excuses I use to just give up. I have a large folder on my computer desktop filled with half written stories and poems.

However, when we have a been given a passion, we must pursue it even when it gets hard. The hard part is the part that makes us grow In our talent, but in our character. 

There are so many reasons to not go out and fulfill your dream, but why should we listen? Why should we comprise? We shouldn’t! We need to grab life  by the horns and live our dreams. 

It will not win

It wraps tightly around my chest, threatening to overwhelm me. 

But I will not let it win!

A feeling of hopelessness follows and I find myself lost in a fog of self pity.

But I will not let it win!

Anxiety threatens my happiness everyday and wants me shrink away in fear.

But I will not let it win!

Yet, through the darkness I emerge stronger and more courageous than before,

Because I did not let it win. 

I’m stronger

Today, I had a mild “panic” moment with my anxiety. I did not have a full blown attack, however, it was on its way. 

My dad, brother and I went to see Star Wars this morning (which was incredible) and the theater, as expected, was packed. As we looked around the theater to find a spot, we were fortunate to find three seats in the middle of the theater, all right next together. This was a great find to everyone but me. I knew they were great seats, however, I was jammed in between a bunch of people without an easy exit, and Panic attacks have gotten the best of me in these types of situations  in the past, so I was getting concerned. 

I could feel my heart racing, and my plans start to sweat. It had been over a year since my last panic attack, and I wasn’t going to let that record shatter! So, I rubbed my essential oil blend on my wrists and started to change my thoughts. Instead of negative ones, I replaced them with positive. Slowly, I began to take back control and ended up loosing myself in the movie! No anxiety! 

I feel very proud of myself for being able to combat my fears/phobias in a very real situation. I truly cannot remember the last time I sat the middle row of anything without experiencing  panic. But, now I can say that I have conquered it! I am strong! 

Anxious week

This week my anxiety was unusually high due to multiple stresses in my personal and work life. The first being the decision on whether or not I am going to stay on my anxiety medication while pregnant or not. I spent a lot of time ruminating on it, which wasn’t helpful, and as a result I became incredibly anxious for several days. Normally I am able to except the fact that I will struggle with anxiety my entire life, however, this week it has made me incredibly angry. I just wished that I didn’t have to make the decision and I was just “normal” and only had to worry about getting morning sickness. Not spiraling into panic attacks every day. 

The other reason why I was anxious was because the standard I was teaching in my 7th grade language arts class was incredibly difficult. My students struggled to learn it, however, when test day came around, they did an excellent job! I had no reason to be anxious on that front! They are a great group! YAY! 

This weekend has allowed me a chance to step back from all the stress and just relax. I have been talking a lot with my husband and it feels good to know that he is here to support me – no matter what. 

I just need to remember that God is with me and He will take care of me. I need to trust that I will make the right decision and give the rest to Him.

If you are struggling with anxiety, just remember that it is ok. Take some time for yourself to refocus and find relaxation. Eventually it will pass. 

From the dark place

From the dark place, we grow stronger. Yes it is painful and, at times, excruciating, but when we rise out of that dark place we are strong. Through the pressure and hardship of pain, we are molded into something beautiful.

Don’t give up hope. Trust.  

Seize the Day: Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Each day is a beautiful gift. This is a statement that I did not always understand. In my dark days of anxiety and depression I did not feel that my life was a gift. To me, it felt like more of a burden. However, as I began to see beyond my pain, I was able to recognize the beauty that accompanies each day. If finding the good in each day seems impossible, just start with the small things, such as snuggling into your favorite blanket, watching your favorite movie, or enjoying your favorite food. As you begin flooding your mind with positive thoughts, little by little, you will begin to notice your attitude starting to shift.

Remember, stay strong and the pain will not last forever!

Don’t loose hope

I have written about my struggles with the end of a school year previously, but I feel the need to share my experiences with you all again. I experience a lot of anxiety when my teachinf position is shuffled around. I have been teaching for four years and I have never once had the same classroom or schedule. It is stressful because special Ed has to be flexible around all the other schedules and they are always being shuffled. Clearly, I am stressed at this moment! 

I may have no idea how next year is going to turn out, but I do now that whatever happens will turn out for the best. This is what I have learned throughout my struggle with anxiety. Even though I feel hopeless, that doesn’t mean I will always feel that way. It will all pass. We have to cross into night to reach the day. 

This is what I continue to remind myself as I fight to win the battle against anxiety! 

It seeks to take it all

It gains strength.

However, I am stronger.

It wants me to feel powerless.

Yet, boldness rises up from within me.

It wants me to be crippled with fear.

But, courage a urges me onward.

It is Anxiety.

The beast that seeks to rule my world,

My choices,

My actions,

My thoughts. 

However, I am Me! 

I am the ruler of my world,

My choices,

My actions,

My thoughts.

It will never win.

I am Strong!