My first week of back to work (aka school!) is under my belt, and I already feel like I have been teaching these kids all year. They are just great! I have a fantastic group of 8th graders this year, and they seem to really click with my style. It is the honeymoon stage, but I’m really looking forward to seeing where this year takes us.
This week, I have struggled with my anxiety again. I am not sure what triggered it, but it was high for a majority of the week. I knew I couldn’t let it take over because I wanted to be present for my students, as well as my daughter. I have limited time with her now that I am back in school, and I want to use every moment to the fullest.
To combat my anxiety, I just pushed through. I tried my best to keep a positive attitude, and when I felt like I was falling apart, I opened up and shared with a friend. I think if is important to have someone you can talk to when you have high anxiety.
I just feel it is imperative that when we feel our anxiety at its worst, we don’t give up. Living with this disease for so long has shown me that the dark days pass. They really do. As long as you fight back. Don’t give up. Don’t let it win. You can experience peace, even if you think you can’t. I never thought I would EVER feel anxiety-free, but I do! Sure I still struggle, but I know it will pass.
It will for you too.
When my anxiety is running high, I find it very difficult to drive. For whatever reason, I become terrified of the various obstacles that operating a vehicle requires. Traffic seems overwhelming. Stoplights daunting. So I just avoid it all together by having an unspoken agreement during those times that my husband will take the lead.
Last year, when my anxiety was the worst it had been in years, I went months without getting behind the wheel. I remember one time, the mere thought of getting in the drivers seat actually set off a panic attack. That was the start of my realization that something was wrong and I needed to get help. My eyes were beginning to see that I was in over my head.
Fast forward eight months later… For those of you have not read any of my previous postings, I finally went to see my doctor and was given a very low dosage of medication to help curb the side effects of my anxiety. I also began to practice yoga, blog daily, and create a support system of close friends and family. All of these strategies have helped me exponentially over the last several months!
NOW! To the Roadblock!
A group of teachers and I had a training down in Phoenix, Arizona and I decided that I WANTED to drive everyone! I just had it in my head that I wanted to take the leap and take the wheel! I am so glad I went with my gut, because it felt so empowering! The car I drove wasn’t even my own car, yet I still felt compelled to drive. I am not sure if you have ever been to Arizona, but the roads are not flat, or straight, by any means. We had to descend through the mountains by a few thousand feet, so I had to maneuver around curves, up hills and down slopes. The incredible part about this experience is that I never ONCE had an ounce of anxiety. Never Once. I can honestly tell you that I never imagined that I would be able to say that. It was a huge stepping stone in my healing process to be able to confident enough to drive.
I wanted to share this with you guys because I am so excited, and I know you will all appreciate how monumental this was!! 🙂
There have been many times over the years when I have woken up with anxiety. Not sheer panic, but an uneasy that I did not understand. However, as I continue on my journey towards wellness and healing, I experience waking up happy and full of energy! It is an amazing feeling 🙂 Also, waking up to this adorable face makes it 10x easier to feel happy in the morning! I love my dogs!
As I walked outside this morning with my dogs I saw the sun just peaking out over the mountain tops casting pinks and oranges across the sky. I am reminded how every day starts fresh. All problems from yesterday are in the past. All the anxiety that constricted my insides from days past has no say on what will happen today. Each day is a chance to start over and and radiate a warm glow on those around you, just as the sun does when it rises.
With the weather changing here in Arizona, it feels as if new life is springing out of the ground. Everything looks so green (by desert standards) and there are various types of animals running around that I haven’t seen in awhile (including a scorpion AHH there is a picture at the bottom for you to enjoy lol). Today, my husband and I drove around doing our errands with the windows down and the wind whipping our hair out in every direction. I felt incredibly at peace. Relaxed and carefree. Just riding around in the car beside the man I love seemed to fill me completely with joy. As I snuggled my dogs after they came home from the groomers, smelling like warm cookies, I couldn’t help but allow an enormous grin to crack across my face. There were times during my life where I never thought I could experience peace or complete happiness. Anxiety was all I could feel. Since it was so overpowering there was no room in my brain for anything else. My journey to a healthier mind and spirit has reminded me not to take these small moments for granted. To take time during a busy to just talk with one of my students about something other than school. To quiet my mind and listen only to the sweet, delicate chirps of the birds hidden behind the cacti in my backyard. I have learned through my 29 years of life that life is not about being perfect all the time. It is about never giving up, even when it seems impossible. Had I ever given up and allowed myself to be controlled by anxiety I would never be able to enjoy these simple moments.
Life is beautiful.
OH! And here is the nasty scorpion we found the other day having a good ol’ time on our back porch! I don’t think so!
AHHH! I hate these!